Forever the Taylors?

4

Dear Journal,

The first month back in Atlanta was hell. Zac drove through the entire night back that same night, only stopping once for gas. We arrived back at the house around 6 in the morning and the silence was deafening. The first week was even harder. Zac and his dream team as I'd began calling them, were watching me like a hawk. Although no one spoke about what happened you could cut the tension like a knife. Between Zac, my father, Andi and even Phoenix there was never a moment when I was left alone. I knew it was because they feared I'd leave again or worse. Truth be told. I didn't want to leave again I just wanted to not feel the way I had been feeling for so long. I remember asking Zac about taking Zane for a walk. Just so we could have some alone time and get some air. It felt hella weird asking for permission to be with my own child. Zac hesitated. He tried to play it off but I saw it in his face and heard it in his tone when he suggested that we take a "family walk". Part of me expected him t tell me no. It still hurt like hell but I understood his positioning, so I agreed. It wasn't a bad walk. Zane fell asleep as soon as the afternoon air hit him. Zac and I had a chance to talk a bit and we were forced to keep our cools because neither of us wanted to make a scene in public. Especially not with the baby. I will admit. I was nervous to talk to my husband. The conversation was tense at first but it didn't take long for us to converse as friends like the way we used to.

"He's such a good baby." Zac proclaimed to Fatima. "He sleeps through the night pretty much now. Everyone I speak to tells me that its uncommon for babies under six months to sleep though the night and to top it off he's in his own crib." He said proudly. Silence followed. I watched as she pushed his stroller. He could tell she wanted to say something. He just wish she'd say it already.

"That's good. You're doing a really good job with him." Fatima said

We were approaching a Starbucks so I suggested we step inside and get some drinks. No woman in the world can resist Starbucks. It's a scientific fact.

"Zac, I know there are things we need to discuss. I just know what to say or how to say it itch out coming across as a bitch or insensitive. "Fatima said sitting across from Zac at a table nestled in the back of the coffee brewery.

"How about this? How about today we just enjoy our walk, our coffee, and our son? If I can be honest with you, this is the best day I've had in a long time. It feels good." Zac admitted to Fatima.

"Today was really good." Fatima said finally smiling. "Do you think we can do more of these walks?"

"Yea of course. He and I go for a walk every Saturday morning and some evenings after work." Zac left the invitation open for Fatima to join them on their walks. He was hopeful that the events of the day helped even in the slightest bit towards getting her back to her old self. Only time would tell.

Zac's phone started ringing ending their peaceful moment. "I have to take this." He said as he picked up his phone. It was a call from his office. There was an emergency at the office and it needed his mediate attention. He apologized to Fatima and dialed Phoenix to sit with Zane while he ran out.

"You know I can sit with him." Fatima said lowly. She couldn't help but be offended that Zac had to call another woman to care for their child.

"I know Tima. It's not like that. It's just that... well.. You've never been alone with him and Phoenix knows his schedule and everything like clock work." Zac stated. He could tell that he hurt her feelings. It wasn't his intention but he needed to be honest with her. "T, look at me. You're gonna get there. I know you're trying. And Phoenix will only be there to support you. You are his mother. You don't have to worry about being replaced. No one can ever take that away from you. It's gonna take a minute but as long as everyone is trying we will get through this. Come on. I really gotta get to the office and see what the big emergency is.

Zac and Fatima made it back to the house just as Phoenix was pulling into the driveway. Fatima and Phoenix exchanged strained greetings as Fatima pushed Zane into the house. Zac held Phoenix back and let Fatima enter alone.

"Hey. Do me a favor and let T take the lead today please." Zac pleaded. "She's feeling a way right now and I don't want her coming down on herself more than she already is."

"I got you bro." Phoenix nodded in understanding.

"Iight. I gotta go. I should be back in like 3 hours max.

Twenty minutes later Zac pulled into his office and the fire department was on site along with the maintenance staff who called him and Jake who arrived just before Zac did.

"Hey Mr. Taylor. So there seems to be a pipe that burst and it flooded the daycare, a storage closet, and basically the entire floor above the parking garage. We were able to get the water shut off to that side of the building but I fear the damage is extensive." Zac and Jake listened to the news of their company.

"Ok so how soon can we get in to see how bad the damage is?" Jake inquired.

"The fire department is finishing up soon. The chief will be by to talk to y'all when he is done." The maintenance man announced.

Finally it was time for Zac to see the damage from the flood. He was floored by the amount of water and damage had been done. Thankfully they were fully insured. Unfortunately, they would be out of an office and daycare for their employees for a while. Zac understood that this was no one's fault but he was still pissed. He had more than enough going on and now he had to deal with this as well.

The day was going good until that phone call. We got back and he left again immediately. I was trying to hide my tude with Phoenix but it was crazy. I knew she didn't do any of the things I accused her of, and I have apologized for that. She said she accepted my apology, but things haven't been the same since. but she was also the face of the woman replacing me with my son I also owe her ass a tremendous amount of thanks. I know I know. I sound crazy as hell. Anyway, today I was determined to show Zac and Phoenix that I could be Zane's mother. Ha.

"Zane please, please, please!" Fatima begged. Zane had a massive diaper blowout a little while after they settled in from their walk. Fatima was attempting to change him when he began flailing around from the cold wipes. It caused Fatima to smear the poop more and it was too much. She decided to bathe him instead and just throw away the clothes and the diapers. But she couldn't manage holding him and setting up his bathtub so she laid him down on a towel on the bathroom floor. She leaned further into the bathtub to turn on the water, forgetting that the shower latch was pulled, and the water came spraying down on her head. Zane began peeing on himself. Literally. The piss was shooting up and landing on him like his own personal shower. Fatima hated that she needed help but she called out to Phoenix. Her shout frightened Zane and he began crying hysterically.

"Phoenix, don't just stand there! Help me!" Fatima shouted to Phoenix.

Phoenix smiled and entered the bathroom. "Ill rinse him off in the sink while you set the water." Phoenix offered. She gathered him off the floor, leaving the soiled towel behind. Fatima finished setting up the bath and when Phoenix was done she proceeded to bathe, dress and feed him. When she was done all those things. She put him to sleep in his crib and came downstairs to find Phoenix pouring two glasses of wine.

"Is it always this chaotic?" Fatima asked with her hair in a fro on one side of her head accepting the glass before her.

They locked eyes for a moment and then shared a hearty laugh and then out of nowhere Fatima begins crying. Phoenix embraces her just as Zac enters the house with Jake.