Alastor

33

Ashur

Ashur awoke, jumping awake. It took him a moment to remember where he was. I'm ok, it's just Thaddeus. Ashur thought, turning to his left to see Thaddeus. The bags under his eyes seemed even darker, he never slept, at least that's what Ashur saw.

"Ashur..." Thaddeus started, Ashur sat up. "Yeah?" Ashur said after Thaddeus stayed silent. Thaddeus looked uneasy, which just added to Ashurs suspicions. "Um, there's something I need to tell you." Thaddeus said, messing with the hair on the back of his neck.

Ashurs gaze softened, was he going to tell Ashur about what happened at the doctor? The reason why he had to go? Ashur had already picked up on the fact that Thaddeus was nervous, he only ever messed with his hair when he was.

"The reason we went to the doctors was because... because..." Thaddeus mumbled a few things to himself, too low for Ashur to hear. "You seemed to have developed a mental disease, dissociative identity disorder is what it's called." Thaddeus finished leaving Ashur stunned.

"I what?" Ashur said, his voice trembling. His breathing quickened just a notch, not enough to be noticeable. "You um, you have kind of multiple people inside you. They're triggered by certain words." Thaddeus said, Ashur fiddled with his jacket.

"Do you know what the words are?" Ashur asked, Thaddeus nodded. "I can't say them, or you'll go away." Thaddeus responded. "What? Are- Are the other people mean? Why don't you want them out?" Ashur asked, it was all so confusing.

Imagine there was something happening with you, something you had no idea about, that's what was happening to Ashur.

"Well, I've talked to both." Thaddeus said, being cut off by Ashur. "There's two?!" Ashur yelled, Thaddeus nodded. "Ones rather nice, but he's terrified of everything. The other is... not as nice." Thaddeus said, Ashur frowned.

"Is he the one that did the ice?" Ashur asked, Thaddeus hesitated before nodding. Ashur sighed, covering his eyes with his hands. Damn it, I hurt him, without me even knowing. Ashur thought, he hated whoever this person was.

How can I hate someone who's myself? Ashur shook his head, it wasn't this persons fault. He knew who was to blame, Alastor. Ashur sighed again, it was too much, too much to handle.

Ashur suddenly shook, stopping in a matter of seconds. "Ashur?" Thaddeus asked, Ashur's head went up, a huge grin on his face. "Nope, not Ashur." Ash said, Thaddeus glared at him.

Ash

"How did you get here? No one even said Alastor!" Thaddeus growled, standing up. "I'm not weak, I don't need that trigger to force my way to the front." Ash said, standing up. In a split second he threw the green jacket off him and ran out of the room.

Thaddeus jumped, quickly grabbing the jacket and running after Ash. Ash took in a breath of the cold night air, it felt nice to be in control, instead of Ember or Ashur. Ash grumbled at the thought, he couldn't believe Ember was just giving up all the information about himself and Ashur to Thaddeus.

He's a complete idiot, he's too trusting. Ash thought, shaking his head. He snapped back to reality, he ran into an alleyway, stopping before he ran into a wall. He muttered a curse, he could jump off the dumpster in the corner to climb up the fire escape, but Ash could see the rusting on the sides of the metal. He wouldn't want to get hurt, then Ashur would resent him even more.

Ash looked back to the entrance of the alleyway, seeing Thaddeus. Damn it. Ash's eyes darted around, trying to find an escape route. "Ash, give up. You can't just take Ashurs body away." Thaddeus said, Ash laughed.

"Actually, I can. I'm helping him more than Ember or you can, I'm the only person who's looking out for him!" Ash growled, Thaddeus glared at him. Ash noticed he was holding something behind him.

Damn it, he probably has the jacket. Ash thought starting to get nervous. Ash sent out a wave of ice, freezing the stone underneath Thaddeus. Thaddeus stumbled on the icy floor, Ash smiled.

He saw Thaddeus pull the jacket from behind him, Ash quickly shut his eyes. He froze Thaddeus' feet to the ground, sending a shot of ice towards his hand. He didn't know if it'd hit it, but he took a chance and opened his eyes.

Thaddeus didn't have the jacket anymore, now he was trying to melt the ice holding him down, Ash ran past him, trying to get out of the dead end alleyway.

He yelped as he was suddenly pushed to the ground, he glared up at Thaddeus. Thaddeus grabbed the green jacket, shoving it into Ash's eyes. Ash tried pushing it away, but was unsuccessful.

Ashur

Ashur opened his eyes, seeing the dark green of his jacket. He pushed it away, seeing Thaddeus holding him down. He shoved him off, noticing they were in an alleyway.

He looked back to Thaddeus, who was breathing heavily. "What the heck happened?!" Ashur yelled, jumping up. Thaddeus got up, brushing the dirt of himself.

"Ash took control." He explained calmly. "Ash?" Ashur said, that was what Thaddeus had called him before, what that one of the people?

"Ash is what the violent personality calls himself, the nice one is Ember." Thaddeus said, Ashur felt a memory come to him, one from his child hood. When his parents were still alive.

Thaddeus looked back to Ashur, noticing his distant look. He looked like he was about to cry. "Ashur? Are you ok?" Thaddeus asked, walking towards him. Ashur looked to Thaddeus, wiping his eyes.

"Yeah, it's just.." Ashur trailed off. "My mom used to call me her little ember, her flame of light in the darkness of the world. It's- it's funny, she died from fire, but called me an ember." Ashur said, his voice trembling. Thaddeus just stared at him, Ashur could  tell Thaddeus was shocked, he managed a small smile.

"I guess even they can remember things I can't." Ashur said, faking a laugh. He looked away from Thaddeus. "Can we go home now? It's starting to get chilly." Ashur lied, he didn't know if the temperature was low from his body, but he could tell by the air entering his nose that the temperature wasn't warm.

Even if it was cold, he wouldn't care. But he didn't want to cry out in public, even if it was nighttime. Thaddeus nodded, walking Ashur back to the motel. Once they were inside Ashur went straight to the bathroom. Once he was inside he let it out, tears running down his face.

He was both grateful and hateful for his memories returning, it seemed every time he got more back he was learning more about himself. But every memory seemed to bring so much pain with it, that's the reason he forgot it, it hurt too much.

After a few minutes he wiped his eyes, going back to his bed. Thaddeus looked up as soon as the door opened, eyeing him carefully. "It's still me, Ashur." Ashur said, Thaddeus seemed to calm a bit, but didn't say anything.

He can't even be comfortable with me without worryingly that it's not me anymore. Ashur let out a silent sigh, he laid down on the bed. He wished things could just be normal, that he could live a normal life of a 14 year old.

Why can't I just be healthy? Ashur thought, he didn't feel sick, he didn't feel anything. Ashur tried remembering when Ash took control. It felt weird, like he was being sucked out of his consciousness.

He could hear the first few words that Ash spoke, but after that he couldn't hear anything. Ashur took in a deep breath. As long as he stayed calm, and didn't hear whatever trigger words Thaddeus was talking about, he would stay himself.

That's all that matters now, making sure I can keep control.