ajax pertropulous (TMBLR)

ANXIOUS

@nevermore-baby

Description: you were happy for Ajax to finally spend some time with friends, while you get some time for yourself, but nothing goes according to plan

Pairing: Ajax Petropolus x reader (I don’t think gender is mentioned anywhere, but I did imagine reader being fem presenting)

Warnings: fluff, mentions of anxiety, mentions of drug use (marijuana) and drinking, mentions of secret society that loves occasional skinny dipping

Word count: 1220 ish

You couldn’t help but be really, really mad at yourself. The one night Ajax finally decided to join one of the Nightshades parties, the ones he missed for a while, after being hesitant for so long to leave you on your own. You tried your best to reassure you that you were just fine, and everything would be fine, and that he should just go and enjoy himself and have some fun while you get some you-time. And you were fine, but the unsettling feeling in your chest was getting heavier and heavier, anxiety kicking in when it got dark, and the wind was hollowing, making the old wooden planks creek. But the day you had was just horrible – from the terrible weather outside causing you to slip and fall on some wet leaves, the dull pain in your hip annoying you the entire day, to the teacher’s snarky remarks about you “not paying attention” while you were focused on breathing and keeping the nausea at bay. You came back to your dorm completely drained – physically and mentally, meeting Ajax for a split second before he rushed out to meet the Nightshades. He gave you a quick kiss and let you know about his plans and when he plans to get back, and a whole set of instructions what to do if things go south (“Text me, call me, drop by any time. Any time, you hear me? My dorm is empty, I’ve got your favourite blanket on the bed, and you can just cuddle there until I get back, okay?”) and you listened in awe from seeing his brows furrow with concern and worry for you, but also eyes filled with excitement of spending time with his friends – you just didn’t have the heart to ask him to stay.

So now you were in his bed, huddled up in the blanket, tossing and turning around, and nothing helped you ease the worry inside you. The more you tried, the more frustrated, and upset, and mad at yourself you got – it’s like universe is screaming at you that you cannot get anything right. With heavy heart, you reach for you phone and type out a quick message to Ajax.

“Hey, I hope you’re having fun. If you have a free minute, please call me.”

You stared and stared at the bright screen, hoping for the “delivered” to turn into “read”, but the longer you waited, the more clouded your eyesight became with the tears forming at the corner of your eyes. You knew the chances were slim - already said your good nights, and you knew Ajax didn’t expect to hear from you until the morning and you couldn’t expect the answer from him. Breathing shakily, you reach your thumb to the call button, but a set of short beeps ruins your hopes.

Hesitantly, you grab your phone and some sweatshirt of Ajax’s laying around and you pull some boots on, before rushing down the corridor towards the “secret” library. The secrecy of it was questionable, but you still knew as a non-member you weren’t supposed to be there, but it was an emergency, and you tried to listen to what Ajax said about those.

As soon as the statue moved, you could hear the faint music and laughter and glasses clinging, and that just made your heart squeeze and skip a bit, but you pushed yourself to move down the stairs. There was Ajax – the silhouette in the cloud of smoke, his head thrown back in laughter, one hand clutching his cards, another one – a joint. No one has noticed you yet, you still had time to leave, go back to Ajax’s dorm, and wait for him patiently, and pretend like nothing happens. Before you could make up your mind, you were snapped out of our thoughts hearing your name, and suddenly everyone’s attention was at you.

“Hey there,” Ajax’s smile fell, brows furrowing with worry, as if he could see the wetness of your cheeks. Seeing you so small, standing there in your old pyjama pants, hands clutching his sweatshirt you wore, made his heart squeeze. He put down his cards, putting out his joint and motioned for everyone to continue playing before approaching you hastily.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured, unable to hold back a chocked sob when you felt his hands squeezing yours gently. He led you a bit further up the stairs, where no one could see you, pulling you into a tight hug, hands sliding up and down your back. All you could do was hold onto his t-shirt, sobbing breathlessly when hearing his quiet “it’s okay, I’m here now, I am with you, you’re safe”. When your breath evened out a little, you looked up at Ajax, his soft eyes and a soft smile.

“I’m just gonna grab my things and then we can go, okay?” He placed a quick peck on the top of your head, and before you could protest, rushed to pack up, leaving his unfinished can of beer and half-smoked joint. He said his goodbyes, you offered your weak, small wave, and you made it to up the stairs and to his dorm in silence, only broken by the sound of your steps and the rustling of your clothes. Ajax held your hand tightly, letting go only to let you through the door.

“I’ll be with you in a minute, okay? Can you go sit on the bed for me, baby?”, Ajax waited until you nodded weakly, walking and settling on the bed. Your eyes followed Ajax around the room, him putting his bag away, changing into sleep clothes. You listened to the water, tap opening and closing, feeling your anxiety slowly calming down in your chest. Ajax joined you in bed, settling against the big pillows. He pulled you onto his lap – to give you the intimacy he knew you needed right now. You pressed yourself into his chest, breathing heavily.

“Wanna talk about what happened?” You groaned softly in response, trying to hide, squirm away from his soft gaze, so understanding that you sometimes thought you didn’t deserve him.

“Are you mad?” you uttered, too embarrassed to even look at him.

“Hey, look at me, baby. I’m not mad. How could I be? You were feeling stressed, you came to me – this is the right thing to do. But I am worried about you, and I want to help, and we should figure out how to make you feel better right now, okay? We can talk, or we can just cuddle, but we have to talk about it at some point.” You nodded slowly, bracing yourself.

“Jesus, I just… I had a terrible day, with the weather and the teacher, it just became too much that I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry and you were so excited for tonight that I just…”, you began to blabber, soon hearing Ajax’s “slow down, there, angel”, before choking out another “I’m sorry”.

“You never need to be sorry for your feelings. No matter how busy I am, if you feel the need to reach out, you should. You did the right thing, alright? Let’s just cuddle a bit and go to bed. Want me to put on some silly movie for you to fall asleep to?”

You smiled weakly, reaching in for a kiss. You’ll be okay.