Robin x Nancy // maybe we aren't that different

Chapter 32: stepping stones

"It's Nancy."

After all this she didn't actually expect her to call. She had long waited with the knowledge that they might never talk again, and though it was somewhat comforting knowing that Nancy had actually remembered, it drew in a pit at the bottom of her stomach. Not butterflies, they were long gone, but something heavier, a dull weight not yet fatal.

"Uh—hi" uncertainty lacing her voice.

The procedure here was uncertain, the boundaries had yet to be set and it seemed like they had said all too much and all too little at the party, resulting in a ever tightening spiral for Robin to dwell in.

"Robin" she heard from the other end of the line as if to check to see if she's really still there.

"I want to clear the air"
Strange saying for the situation but it fit nonetheless.

"Mmh?" Was all she could get out, voice trapped in her throat along with her courage.

"Could you settle for being friends?"

Friends, she'd thought then. Yes, that seems good, a territory, a boundary.

There is a line, a fine line and she shouldn't dare to cross it. It wasn't safe for either of them if she did.

Nancy was sat on the kitchen island stool, fidgeting with her thumbs as she waited for the cake in the oven to arise. Nancy herself, wasn't a very good baker but she tried nonetheless. She didn't do it often, since she wasn't very good, but she wanted to do something with her nervous energy. And baking a cake had seemed like the best thing at the time.

Friends.

The word seemed to linger in her mouth, sweet but stale, a spark but not a flame.

So there she stood, cake in hand, "ROBIN" written in bold letters on the front.
She had opted out of sugar hearts in a fatal attempt to not make this a romantic gesture, purely platonic.

The door opens as it hasn't done for Nancy in what feels like ages, her brightest smile plastered across her face, Nancy pushed all doubts she had down and out on her most confident self.

Keep things light, airy.

Robin, door now opened, was standing in the frame. Oh, how perfect she looked, biting at her cheek trying to contain the smile that was brought by the cake,
"What, in gods name, is this Nancy wheeler?".

This was going to be harder than she had thought.

She's never felt this before. Not in a long, long time, anyway, and though she'd thought it would be hard, being friends and all, she hadn't expected it to weigh on her quite this much.

If she had thought that Robin shunning her was hard she had better get a grip and mature up fast. Not being able to see and talk to her was one thing but, actually being close to her and around her was a whole other type of pain. It was the pain of knowing that she couldn't touch her, she couldn't bring her in close and kiss her, she couldn't even let herself get too close for the fear that she wouldn't be able to control herself, it sounds childish saying it like this, it was childish, too childish for her, too childish for the pristine orderly girl she masked herself with.

She isn't quite sure how Robin is doing it. Doesn't know how Robin simply switched off the feelings part of this relationship. She still laughed and smiled like she usually does and, — god, was it good to have that back, but something was different, apart from the romantic satisfaction, hid behind every smile was a glint of dissatisfaction, disappointment, sorrow.  A part of her knew, she knew, it was because of what she did, she knew she had been the cause of this, she knew that it wouldn't be the same.

But she would try everything to change that.

It's for the best, is what she keeps telling herself.— it's for the best that Robin shouldn't ask her when casually flirting with a especially pretty girl in store, ( not that she ever did) no— she shouldn't even think of her,— she should feel free to do it. Yeah.

Anyway, at least Robin was here. Robin still calling to say a quick hi and ask about her day, still accepting her offers to hangout at the mall, still smiling with that cute, maddening smile and that bright twist of her lips.

It started slow, she had expected that much. But she rebuilt their friendship one tray of baked goods at a time.

The relationship felt fresh, new and all too comfortable for her own good, remember firm boundaries. 

It was awkward at first, but Robin warmed up. They didn't talk much of what happened, Nancy hadn't found a conversation yet she wanted to taint with the  talk of their relationship and she suspected that Robin wasn't quite into confrontation. So after many weeks of talking in the phone that had progressed to hanging out in public places, she decided to take the next step forward, and invited Robin to her house.

It was while they were at the shops, looking for something for Mrs Wheeler because of the upcoming birthday when Nancy thought to say it.
"Ok well let's say I'm your mom, I would want... jewellery! Or a mug? Or maybe a new bathrobe!" Shes saying, lips twisted up in thought, eyes bright.

"do you want to come to mine this evening?"
It was a simple question despite it being not at all related to the conversation, a simple question.
In her head it sounded like the most easy, nonchalant thing to say. Easy, careless like she was asking what colour was the sky.
Out loud, with the emotion fading of Robins face, it sounded like she just asked the woman to marry her.
"You don't have to" she says hurriedly, feeling silly and a tad hurt. " it was just an idea, if you wanted to hangout more"

Bashful and humiliated, she turned away, "come on let's get the present" but as she started to walk away a hand grabbed hers. A playful smile grinning back at her, "sure."