Robin x Nancy // maybe we aren't that different

Chapter 40: honest

"Well actually—, I needed to talk to you."

Good. So we are finally on the right track.

She was put together now. Ok, so not 100% credit to the headache combined with utter nausea, but, certainly better than whatever last night was.

Robin opened the door and slid into the seat. She was playing with her nails, picking at the cuticles so much they were borderline bleeding.

She's nervous today, Nancy recognises.
Robin is nervous all the time Nancy has learned over the extent of their relationship, but not quite like this.
It's the little things that count really, the slightest increase in breathing, her raw and red nails, the way her eye brows are stuck in a certain complexion.

She's nervous today. And Nancy, whose memory is not working with her today, can't, for the love of god seem to remember why.

Something happened.
Something that Robin said or did maybe? Or something she did??

"You uh, were at my house... last night?" She says trying to grope vaguely around the edges of her memory.
"We didn't plan that right? You didn't call... I think."

Robin is wearing her most faint smile, one that could be potentially and equally sweet or condescending. Nancy's gaze flickers, down to Robin's clothes and quickly, back up again. "You look well" She says.

She on the other hand, looks not as well, Completely. Though she covered it up as best she could, it wont deny the her seemingly ever-lasting hangover symptoms.

Robin ignores the sentence.  "How much, exactly, do you remember about last night?" .

Well...

She was hoping for a different version of Robin today if she was honest. She was hoping for the one that went scarlett in the face, the one that could quite easily talk about anything without stopping for a breath or a blink. This one, the one looking at her, eyes narrow and brooding, this one was dangerous, and she found it was impossible to be anything less than truthful around it.

"Not a lot." Nancy can tell Robin is watching her closely, she knows what for, for any sort of tell that might say that she was lying, a twitch or a smile.

"I remember you, being there. And I was..."

"You were drunk." Robin smiles a little more. "Very drunk."

"Thanks for clearing that one up"

She smiles, "no problem"

It was such a perfect little moment, such indeed, her favourite person, looking back at her, smiling even.

She didn't want to speak, didn't want to ruin the moment.

"I need to tell you something."

See? You've gone and ruined the moment now Robin.

But any moment longer and she wouldn't have done it, she might have been stuck there forever just staring the the wonder who was the girl in front of her.

"I went out with Vickie last night" Robin says, "nothing happened, we didn't kiss I mean, I thought about it I guess"

Nancy Looks sharply up, "But?"

"But, it wasn't fair. To her and to me, it wasn't fair because I wasn't fully there"

Nancy's just looking at her, she's so still She might as well been a Statue, and Robin honestly thinks she's frozen until she sees the faint up and down of her chest.

"I'm sorry."  Robin says.

"I-what?"

Hold on im going somewhere with this, Robin's eyes are saying.

" I'm sorry. I never should have blocked you out."

Nancy doesn't look as though she's breathing and Robin almost has the urge to check to make sure, but she's positive that if she did she would never be able to get this out.

"I'm sorry I never called you, I'm sorry I never let you explain, I'm sorry we're in this situation and I'm sorry for making it hard."

Now Nancy is almost certainly not breathing, her posture is rigid and her shoulders are stiff and she's looking at Robin in a way shes never quite seen before.

"I'm so so so sorry for making it hard" her Head is in her hands now, she thinks if she looks up she will most definitely cry.

"But..." shes controlling her breath. "i still have feeling for you,-- don't really think they ever left, and I understand if-"

Your sorry? Nancy thinks desperately. her head is a machine on fire, her stomach rolling— the combination of anxiety, hangover and the cramped space such as her car is doing her no favours at all.

Robin's still talking.

Robin is still talking And Nancy's Head cant Seem to get a break.

"Your sorry for making it hard?" she's saying like shes confident. Or maybe shes saying like shes angry, but only at herself.

"Im so sorry, for it all." Shes peeling Robins hands from her face. "It was all my fault" shes wiping away the tears. "And i know you deserve so, So, much more than than me".

Robin frowns, the tears are stopping, "deserve? What do I 'deserve'"

What could she not deserve? Nancy's thinking hopelessly, her stomach is doing laps around her and the world is spinning.

Robin is looking at her with those eyes, the ones that challenge her to explain herself.

"I fucked up this whole thing" shes closing her eyes to make the world that bit more tolerable, "Johnathan kissed me" she winces, the Taste of his name on her lips was not one she wanted to remember. "And then used it to make sure I did what he wanted."

It was almost embarrassing, telling the truth. Embarrassing she got manipulated so easily, embarrassing that she did see any of it coming, and embarrassing most of all that she didn't tell Robin, right then and there.

"I know,-- I know I should have told you." Shes breathing again.

"And I'll be forever sorry for that."