Robin x Nancy // maybe we aren't that different

Chapter 36: heart set

A black singlet, ripped jeans, tied together with a patterned button down left open.
Sighing, Robin ruffles her hair once more, she's been doing it religiously. Like it would make a difference, Nancy thinks, she'll look the same, and besides, she's already perfect.

"You don't think it'll be too much?" Robin says when Nancy's hand moves for her makeup bag. "just a little" a roll of eyes from Robin, "I promise" she responds, hands up in mock defence.
"Be careful, if you roll your eyes again they might get stuck there" as grins spread on both faces.

Makeup taken out of context is not a particularly sensual thing nor is it intimate, but the few times Robin has allowed Nancy to do her makeup it always ended with some kind of make out session, ruining said makeup in the process.
This time though she made sure to keep a distance, just a little space put firmly between them. Robin babbled on about god knows what, while Nancy smiling and nodding, hoped she wouldn't move too much as not to ruin the makeup brush in her steady hand.

This had always been the dynamic, Robin the  talkative one, energetic and excitable, Nancy there to keep her head on straight, calm (usually) and collected. She liked it that way. The whole experience felt somewhat nostalgic, nostalgic and bittersweet, but sweet nonetheless.

*****

As it turned out, Robin was not in fact having the worst time in the world.
Vickie was quite the conversationalist, and a pleasant one at that. She was friendly, likeable, and all too much relationship material.
"Honestly I didn't think you would want to see me again" she's saying sheepishly over their meals. "You just ran out".

"Call it being overwhelmed" Robin replies shrugging though she's smiling.

"Besides, im glad i came" She says, grinning. Vickie tips her head to the side in admiration,
"I'm glad I asked."

*****
There is something so pathetic about this whole situation, I mean, there Robin is, out, on a date for god sake and Nancy is sitting in her bedroom, eating ice cream from the tub. It was all too cliché, too picture perfect, she hadn't thunk that it would be like the movies, her broken heart comforted by the typical junk food mend.

Between all the pinning and mental conflict, she's been distracting her self with cleaning, all her magazines sorted, bed made as neat as possible, wiping practically everything she owns with disinfectant, not stopping until every inch is scrubbed. The only parts left un-cleansed are those belonging to Robin, a sweat shirt Robin wore one day in the rain, she remembers so fondly, she was forced to change Because Nancy had insisted she would get a cold if otherwise, and after much protesting Robin had taken off the sweat shirt and hung it around the backside of the chair next to the desk only for it to have fallen off, now sprawled out directly under. Remnants of studying tools, pens, paper still left exactly where Robin had put them, Robin's messy hand writing compared to the sheet of Nancys neat cursive she had been copying off.
She made a point to leave them, keeps the parts of Robin that was still hers. The new, or not so new, friend aspect of it all.

She's probably chatting it up right now.

Not that it's her business. Because it really isn't, and god she's tried to stay out of it. But Robin tends to need help with this sort of thing, and who's to blame her? Who else would she come to? Steve? She would sure hope not, with his shitty pick up lines and goofy grin? Not a chance.

She smiles to herself. A sting of regret following, like tiny little razors that came embedded in a situation as stupid as this one. Nancy should be above the expectations, and the loneliness, and the silver-sharp memory of Robin's smile slashing holes in her good sense.

She should be, but she is not. Despite all this, still falling into the trap of her fantasies.

*******

It isn't fair of her to compare them. Isn't fair in the least and she knows it, even as she's laughing at tales of Vickie's family, her friends, the things they say and do, every curve of her smile is being held up to Nancy's. The way her eyelashes frame her cheek when she shuts her eyes in a sarcastic remark only reminds her of how Nancy's eyes had closed tight when she smiled too hard. The twinkle in her eye reminds her of the way Nancy's would sparkle with emotion even if her face was straight. The delighted chuckle of laughter reminds her all too clearly of how Nancy's rings out, surrounding the whole room with it.

its not fair. not fair for vickie. not fair that she is caring, while Robin tries her hardest not to see Nancy in every aspect of her, trying to not compare them, to prefer one.

vickie is smart, and kind, and perfect.
she is, truly. She laughs at all of the half-assed jokes Robin tells, compliments her non-stop, even sits through her long ramblings nodding at every word. she is perfect. but maybe just not for her. maybe for a version of her, once upon a time, before everything. but no longer, no longer did she fit in the puzzle piece, no longer was she the right key for the lock, no longer. now— to put it simply, she was, just her, a changed her, a new her, a better her.

Prior to this Robin had never been the one to cling. She was always good at changing, her world was ever evolving and the way she saw it, the only thing to do as to not go insane would be to evolve with it. To put it simply, her life was inconsistent. Friends, Family, teachers, hobbies, frequently changing. There weren't many consistencies when it came to her life, She didn't like to talk about it. People in her life tended to come and go, she watched them after a while, observing. Her mother leaving, only to come back just to do the same again, her aunties and uncles all far away, barley seeing any of them at this point, all her friends migrating to-, well, anywhere except where she was basically. All her friends except two. Surprising really, and ironic in a way, her closest friends are Steve the hair Harrington, and Nancy. Her ex. Steve was one thing, the crazy popular guy from her school, Nancy was another. His ex and now hers. First of all, the fact that she even dated Nancy would be enough to send 16 year old Robin into a coma, but secondly, the fact she, stupidly enough, is still friends with this girl. One of her closest, mind you.

She chuckles at the fact, hiding it badly with a cough.

She was so stupid in that department. Relationships, I mean. Never knowing quite what to say or how to say it. It shouldn't be that hard really, pretty black and white if you think about it, nonetheless she only saw gray.

******

She's on a date, Nancy says in her head, reminding yet again the disparity of the situation. She's on a date, with a girl that's not her, she is able to do that. It's inevitable, Robin will eventually get bored of her antics, she will move on, new girlfriend, new life. She'll move and and where will you be? Alone again. Typical. But come on, there's really no due sympathy when, let's be honest, you did do this to yourself didn't you? You pushed her, and so she finally did it. It will be good for her.

There's little point in moping, she knows, little point in letting herself linger in all the scraps of Robin left all around her room, little point in most of all, in stewing over the possibility that the date is going absolutely and positively fantastic.

******

Robin is trying. Incredibly hard mind you, but still to no prevail. She want to gives it a proper shot, just a chance to work, but the thought to doing that sort of makes her want to cry.

She's great, funny, hard working, everything anyone could want, so why cant I just...

Because her heart was reserved for someone else.

It didn't matter how pretty she was or funny she was or how she complimented practically every inch of Robin's face and outfit, she wasn't Nancy.