Loki Laufeyson - Saviour {2}

Chapter Forty Four - I Don't Want to Talk

LOKI'S POV

I was never one to think before I spoke. My mother had given me plenty of lessons about it when I was younger, but clearly none of them had actually done anything. I was just still a godsdamn fucking stupid as always.

Why did I say that to Emily? Why did I bring it up? I could have left it. I could have stayed there and looked after her and kept that cursed information to myself. But no, I had stupidly spoken and she had kicked me out of her room. It served me right.

I had honestly tried to look away when I went into her mind, but I would basically hear her projecting it from down the hallway. Those thoughts... those memories... they had trapped me. They were so loud and fast and painful, I couldn't pull away, I couldn't find a way out.

I slowly slid down the wall outside Emily's room, gripping my head in my hands, not caring as my fingers dug into my scalp. I was going to kill HYDRA. Every single one of them. I was going to kill them all with my bare hands for doing that to her. I was going to make them all suffer.

And then I was going to kill myself after that. For being so fucking insensitive.

I clenched my jaw and resisted the urge to punch the wall behind me, knowing it would only scare her even more. Instead, I heaved myself up off the floor and stalked down the stairs, focused only on getting to the training rooms that I didn't even notice Barnes sitting on the couch.

"Is she okay?" His rough voice broke through my raging thoughts.

I paused, slowly turning to him as I clenched my fists. He had been there. He had been there in that memory. He was just standing there. Standing in the doorway while he watched that prick beat her up. And he did nothing.

"Loki." He repeated, slowly putting down his book. "Emily. Is she okay?"

"You knew." I forced out, trying to keep as calm as I possibly could, trying to hold myself back from taking this uncontrollable anger out on him.

"Knew what?" He slowly stood up, the faintest hint of worry visible in his stone features.

"What they did to her." I muttered, looking away from him, the sight of his face only making my anger churn more. "At HYDRA."

"What did she tell you?" He slowly walked towards me, his tone steady but wary as he stopped a couple of steps back so I wasn't towering over him.

"She... she didn't tell me anything." I forced out. "She was projecting her memories. I... I saw it all."

I barely saw him moving. One moment I was standing, and the next my feet had been kicked out from underneath me and I was flat on my back, Barnes crouching over me with his metal arm pinning my shoulder to the ground.

"You asshole." He spat, his normally emotionless features basically radiating anger.

"I didn't do it on purpose." I snapped, my own anger so slow to tipping over the edge. "She was projecting them; I tried to look away but I couldn't!"

He swung his fist straight at me and the pain bolted through me as it connected with my jaw. My head snapped to the side and I breathed out.

"I would never hurt her." I looked back up at him, knowing I deserved it. "You know that."

"I thought I did." He growled. "But now I'm beginning to question it."

I didn't try and fight him as he swung his fist at me again, a bruise instantly blossoming under my skin on my other cheek. I closed my eyes and relished in the pain, knowing I deserved every second of it. I was a monster. I didn't deserve to be around Emily. I couldn't stop hurting her. I was stupid to think that after Christmas, she was going to be fine with me again. I should have left her, I should have left this whole place and gone somewhere I couldn't touch her. Maybe I should just leave this whole planet. Asgard had to be better than this place.

"Bucky!" A voice suddenly called out from somewhere and I vaguely became aware of the pain lessening a little on my face.

Barnes' weight disappeared off me and I slowly tried to open my eyes, only to find that one of them wouldn't. I reached up and found it completely swollen shut, my finger coming back with glistening blood on them. My whole face began to throb and I let my arm fall back down beside me as I closed my eye again, focusing on the pain, and the pain only.

"Loki." Someone began to shake me. "Brother, open your eyes."

"Fuck off Thor." I muttered, or at least tried to, my voice coming out in a pathetic rasp instead.

"Loki, you need to get up." He began to pick me up and I weakly pushed away from him, wanting to just lay here and drink up the pain.

"Leave me alone Thor." I snarled, pushing at him blindly as I felt warm liquid dripping down my lips.

"That's the last thing you need right now brother." He easily picked me up and I held back a wince as my head fell limply against what I was praying what he wasn't his chest. "I'm taking you to Banner."

"I'm fine." I gritted out. "I can heal myself."

"No your not." His tone tightened. "I'm not blind, brother. If you're acting like this, you probably won't heal yourself. You look horrible too."

"Thank you." I muttered, weakly opening up my eye again to see Rogers holding back Barnes, who looked like he was still ready to kill me.

"What happened?" Thor ignored me.

"It's none of your business." I snapped, closing my eye as blood began to drip into it.

"It is when my little brother is getting hurt." Thor's body shifted as he pushed open a door.

"I'm not your little brother." I muttered.

"To me you are." His voice softened a little and I flinched as he brushed some of my hair out of my face. "I know you Loki, you're stronger than James. You have Asgardian magic too. Why were you letting yourself get hurt?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I muttered, opening my eye for a moment just in time to see Banner walking quickly past us and into the infirmary.

I sat the whole time in silence, not bothering to flinch or hiss every time Banner dabbed at my wounds. A couple of the Avengers were still hanging around; they had all been woken up by Rogers yelling at Barnes, but most of them had gone back to bed. The Maximoff woman, Wanda, was the only one who had spoken to me. Natasha was too busy trying to get information out of Bucky back in the living room.

"That's the best I can do for now Loki." Banner stepped back, throwing another tissue into the pile of bloody ones he had left. "You need to heal yourself to stop any scars."

I felt him, Thor and Wanda all looking at me but I just looked down, picking at a piece of peeling skin on my fingers. Banner sighed softly and began to clean up. I heard Thor coming closer, his footfalls heavy on the ground, but I watched out of the corner of my eye as Wanda stepped in front of him and shook her head. She gently pushed him out and sat down on the medical bed next to me.

"I don't want to talk." I muttered.

"I can basically hear your thoughts from here." She murmured softly. "They're like a storm in your head. What happened with you and Bucky?"

"I said I don't want to talk." I clenched my fists tightly, trying to remind myself that this wasn't her fault and that I shouldn't lash out at her.

"Well I'm here when you are." She sighed softly, slowly standing up.

I watched her leave, slightly surprised that she gave up that quickly, but I didn't bother to call out to her again.