Loki Laufeyson - Saviour {2}

Chapter Fifty Eight - He'll Want You There

EMILY POV

Everything felt heavy. It felt like the whole world was pushing down on me, stopping me from moving. I was even struggling to breath, guilt sitting on my chest like an endless weight. I hadn't even wanted to open my eyes at one point; the darkness was a much more comforting place than the harsh lightness of the outside world.

I didn't know how long I tried to stay in the dark, but it was long enough for someone to keep coming in and checking on me. I was laying with my back to the door so they couldn't see that I was awake and shedding silent tears into the pillow. Occasionally, they called out gently to me and I knew then that it was Bucky, but I couldn't work up the courage to reply.

No one had come to ask me how Loki had gotten injured, but I knew they probably weren't going too for a little while. I didn't want to think about how desperate I had looked back in my room over Loki's body, but I knew that they were probably going to be treading on glass around me again, and that was something that I had hated. I had only just started to go back to normal, and then HYDRA had to come after me again and ruin it all.

The door creaking open for the second time in the past hour at least broke me out of my thoughts and I tried to slow down my breathing to make it look like I was sleeping. I strained my ears to listen out for the sound of the footsteps retreating, but they only came closer. The bed dipped down behind my back and Bucky's voice spoke up again.

"Emily." His voice was soft. "I know you're not asleep."

His hand gently touched my shoulder and gently rolled me over onto my back, exposing my no doubt puffy red face to his eyes. He sighed softly and shifted closer, reaching out with his flesh had to gently wipe away the tears on my cheeks I didn't realise I had shed.

"How are you going?" He gave me a gentle smile, the sight unfortunately unnatural to my eyes, and I could see in the stiffness in his face that he wasn't use to trying to comfort others either.

"Shit." I croaked out, wincing at the sound of it.

"Have a shower." He suggested, huffing out a weak laugh. "You'll feel less shit."

"I don't want to get up." I admitted quietly. "It feels better to just lay here."

"You won't feel as good in the next couple of days." He pointed out. "Come on, I'll help you get up."

I didn't even really have the chance to protest; he carefully pulled back the sheets and helped me to sit up. Immediately I was hit with lightheadedness and I winced, squeezing my eyes shut as stars danced across my vision. He paused, his hands hold my shoulders until I nodded weakly. He moved the blankets out of the way and I carefully shuffled my legs over to the edge of the bed, pausing for another moment.

"Is Loki okay?" I finally managed to force the words out of my mouth, hating how fragile they sounded.

"Banner is keeping a good eye on him." He murmured softly. "He's stitched him up completely and taken all of the bullets out, but it is up to Loki now to try and heal himself.

"Is he awake?" I asked, afraid of the answer.

"Not yet." Bucky replied after a moment's hesitation. "But Banner says he is improving at a good enough pace."

"Has his healing kicked in yet?" I forced the next question through the lump in my throat.

"It should soon." He nodded. "Well, that's what Banner is saying at least." He watched me as I looked away, falling silent. "Do you want to see him?"

"I..." I opened my mouth, the sound slightly strangled before I managed to say. "I don't know if it's a good idea too."

"He'll want you there." Bucky shook his head, reaching out to gently squeeze my hand with his flesh one. "But he also will want you freshened up, which is why you need a shower."

"He's not even awake though." I sighed, shaking my head. "He won't know."

"His brain is still active." He pointed out. "He'll know you're there, in some sort of way."

"What if he doesn't want to see me?" I whispered, finally voicing the repetitive thoughts that had been echoing in my head.

"Oh bullshit." Bucky snorted and I looked up at him sharply, startled. "What? Don't tell me you seriously believe that. Of course he's going to want to see you."

"I could have gotten him killed though." My eyes widened slightly, baffled at how he couldn't even consider that.

"He stepped in to save you." He gave me a deadpanned look. "Don't look surprised, I know that it was HYDRA. Who else would try and attack you both? And I know that they wouldn't have immediately attacked him first either. He would have either tried to fight them and therefore aggravated them, or he would have tried to get you away immediately. They saw him as a threat preventing them from getting to you because he was trying to protect you. So don't try and think that you could have gotten him killed; he put himself in the way of danger."

"But he wouldn't have had to if I wasn't there." I bit the inside of my cheek as I looked down at my hands.

"That doesn't matter." He shook his head and shuffled to face me better. "He was there and you can't change that. But I know Loki enough that he is not going to blame you, not at all. That man is blind to seeing anything else but the good in you. If anything, he'll be more worried about you, as he should be."

"Maybe its best that I don't see him." I murmured. "I don't want him to worry. And I don't want him to feel guilty about anything."

"Em, listen to me." He said firmly, cutting me off before I could say anything else. "You have to go have a shower and then you will be going down to see him, whether I had to drag you or not. He will not be at peace, even if he's not awake, until he has seen you or knows you have been there. He will hate it knowing that you had to see him like that and will want to just hear that you're okay. If you don't, who is to say he won't start thinking that you have been hurt too? Or maybe he'll think you're spiraling again. You need to see him just so he can have some peace too, which may help him heal a lot quicker too."

"You think so?" My eyebrows furrowed, not wanting him to get upset by me not coming to see him.

"I know so." He nodded. "So how about you go have a nice shower, clean yourself up a little, and then I'll take you down to see him, okay?"

"Okay." I murmured softly