Love Me Once Again

Eleven

I never felt so exhausted.

I felt a lot on the bus back to Seoul. I don't think I ever cried so much. I think I must have cried my whole life out. Luckily, the bus was quite empty, and thanks to the long bus ride, my tears dried out when I reached Seoul.

All my life, I had put my anger on the wrong person. I had looked up to the wrong person as well. She had wanted me to love my dad. I did. But he had never cared about me. He was there because he had no choice. And now, suddenly, I had one more person to hate - my birth mother, a person whom I had never met, whom I had never even heard of her existence before.

I wondered how she looked like if she was pretty. I don't like her. From hearing about her, I don't like her. How could she go after her good friend's boyfriend? That was totally wrong. If they weren't dating, maybe that was still okay. But if you knew they were dating, which I was sure she must have known, since they were good friends, then how could she do such a thing to seduce the boyfriend especially if this guy was a jerk and a playboy...

My anger went back to the jerk. Someone whom I unfortunately was related to.

Actually, I had always wondered if he had a woman outside. I used to feel sorry for him because I thought mom wasn't showing him enough affection or cared about him, and maybe he should go get another woman and divorce this one. But he never. So I thought he must really love mom. He was such a good guy.

But in reality, it was the other way round. I had blamed the wrong person. What an asshole... I would castrate him if I could.

When I got home, I was surprised to see the shop not open. The vegetable auntie next door asked me if Grandma was fine.

My heart sank, and I flew to Grandma's room. She was asleep on her bed.

"Grandma..?" I approached her cautiously. I watched her. She didn't look like she was breathing... I nervously put my finger to her nose. I felt faint breaths.

She wrapped her nose.

"Grandma?"

"I'm not dead yet." Then she opened her eyes.

"Grandma!"

"Did you manage to see her?"

I nodded.

She smiled. "She must be happy to see you."

"She was. I told her I would visit her in Myanmar soon."

"That's nice."

"But Grandma, how are you?"

"I just feel very tired today."

"Let's go to the hospital. Sorry, I ran out this morning. I should have taken you to the hospital."

"Don't be silly. At least, you said a proper goodbye to your mom. That's more important."

"Now, the important thing is to go to the hospital for a proper checkup," I told her.

"I'm fine.."

I glared at her. Then I helped her up. She managed to get dressed and I called for a taxi despite her complaining.

I had never been to a hospital in Korea.

When we arrived, I didn't know where to go. So, I asked a passing by nurse. She directed me to the general consultation area. I also asked her if I could get a wheelchair for my Grandma, and she got one for me. Then I pushed Grandma in the wheelchair looking for a doctor.

Since we were walk-ins, we had to wait.

We waited for nearly two hours until it was our turn.

I was going to walk Grandma into the room when she insisted I stay outside. She wanted privacy with the doctor. So, I had to wait outside reluctantly.