All the Way 2.0 (Kylo Ren x Reader) - New and improved

First Day

After training with Kylo for the first time yesterday, you didn't immediately go to sleep. Instead you sat in your bed for a good hour, trying to find ways to completely make yourself disappear. It was understandably difficult, thinking of nothing was not something the human mind was good at, if it was even possible at all. So, to find a workaround, you thought of some other ways to reach the same outcome but avoided thinking of nothing, or of yourself, as nothing. Kylo would need to tell you tonight how well each of those new methods of yours would work, but you were determined to put them all to the test.

You'd gotten up a bit earlier to meditate. It calmed you down anyway, and you were cautiously excited about your new job working at the officer's deck. You checked out the list you'd made the night before. So far, you'd only try melting into the environment and becoming one with it, but that hadn't eliminated your presence. Imagining yourself turning into dust was another thing you'd tried out yesterday but Kylo had found you still. Maybe you'd just need to stretch your presence out so far that it was too small for him to find? You were training with possibly the most powerful force user in the galaxy and he'd surely not be fooled by you. So, what other options were there?

Space was nothing, a void was nothing. You were supposed to be that. Maybe that was a direction you should take? You'd try turning into a proper void tonight but it had also made you think of black holes. Weren't those similar?

As you kept studying the list and testing it out, sadly without any feedback from Kylo, you got a message from your mother. Immediately your heart dropped into your stomach without even having read it. Seeing a 'Can you talk?' from anyone was never a good sign but seeing it from your mother? There were only few ways to ruin your day as effectively as that.

Why did you still care about what she said? You had to care, otherwise this message wouldn't have made you feel so nervous. Maybe because she was your mother and while you didn't really need her anymore, your inner child did. There was still a part of you that desperately craved her attention and recognition for your achievements, even if you'd try to kill that part off for such a long time. You'd just have to kill it harder. She was not worth your attention; she was not worth your time. You were already a disappointment to her; you couldn't make it worse.

What would she say even if she knew the truth? What would her reaction be if you told her that you were training with the Supreme Leader? The man she hated most no longer your patient but your mentor. Somehow, you couldn't shake the feeling off that her hatred for him went far enough that she'd ask you to kill him. No. You wouldn't do that. You wouldn't even allow yourself the thought. He meant something to you; he was important and as much as you hated being a disappointment to your mother it was far worse imagining that Kylo Ren would be disappointed in you.

He'd been satisfied with your performance yesterday and it had given you a rush of dopamine unlike anything else these past years. That's what you wanted: his admiration, not your mothers. She could go fuck herself because what did she mean compared to the literally strongest man in the entire galaxy? Actually, what did her opinion matter anyway if she'd thrown you away like trash. She should be the one you should care the least about.

You got up. She'd ruined your mood and while all you wanted was to sit down and train your weird force void thing, you had a hard time concentrating now. Knowing Rosie, she'd be at your meeting place earlier anyway. She was easily anxious about new situations and tended to overcompensate by doing everything extra perfect, so instead of 7:30, she'd probably already wait for you at 7:10, or something.

As expected, Rosie was already waiting by the corner, scrolling through her data pad and making herself look busy. Her face lit up when she saw you and she gave you a welcoming hug.