All the Way 2.0 (Kylo Ren x Reader) - New and improved

Regret?

What a mess this all was. You'd the blood of your younger brother on your hands, yet you did not blame yourself. You knew that you should. You knew that right now, you should be sitting in a corner, crying and mourning his death. You should regret it. But you didn't.

The power of a dark side user grows with intense emotions. Hatred and fear being the easiest to nurture and grow one's connection. Fear you'd known for the first time when the vornskr had killed your older brother, hatred when the Resistance had killed your father, but nothing had made you as afraid as Weih had and nothing would make you hate as much as your mother sending your brother into this war.

You'd left him innocent, still a child, protected him for years and what had she made of him? She'd taken his innocence, abused it and convinced him that he should sacrifice himself for the 'greater good'. If you wouldn't have killed him, someone else would have and she was responsible regardless. You were somewhat glad that you'd been the one to do it. Not Vicrul. Not Ap'lek. And not just a random stormtrooper further down the line.

"Kylo," you said and went down on one knee, bowing your head. You'd been cocky enough to the Knights, but you wouldn't do that to Kylo. You wanted to serve under him. You wanted to fight with him. You wanted to show your loyalty in a proper manner, not just a half-assed way. "I swear my—"

"Get up, Doc," he replied. "I already know I can trust your loyalty."

"Allow me to join you. Allow me to help you destroy the Resistance. Use me as the weapon you wanted me to be."

"You're more than that."

You ignore the flutter in your heart at his comment, feeling a tad light headed at his sentiment, thoughts of what he meant running wild in your imagination. With a brief pause, you continue, reigning in your thoughts and commanding your heart to slow down, deciding he didn't mean anything special by it. "Let me fight by your side. I'm weak, yes, weaker than all the other Knights in normal combat, but you know what I can do. Don't put me on the side-lines."

"Get up, Doc," he repeated and stretched out his hand, helping you up and pulling you close. You had the feeling, he'd have embraced you, if it wouldn't have been for all the Knights around. So, instead he put his hand on your shoulder and squeezed it tightly. "We can do all that. I promise, but now we need to get you home. You're swaying a little bit."

You hadn't even noticed until he'd pointed it out, but you were. The lightheadedness you were feeling earlier with his comment felt better explained. Your heart speeding up and the mess in your mind were from the adrenaline subsiding. And now your brain fogged up further and your thoughts were harder to keep track of. You knew that it'd only worsen in the next few minutes and so, you just nodded and followed him.

You went out the Resistance compound, Kylo by your side, the other Knights behind you. There were a few fighters left, but Kylo deflected their shots, sending them right back to their origin. Unlike the Knights, who often fought with crude movements, Kylo moved with the grace of a big cat killing its prey. No strike was too many, each one precise and even if they seemed volatile at points, it was just masked by his anger.

There was something about him. Something you'd felt when making Vicrul collapse. It was power. That's what he screamed. You could see it physically, but you also felt it through the dark side. His coldness no longer the ice-cold bath that it'd been in the beginning, but the shade and breeze on a hot summer day. You sought him out, subconsciously moving closer to him and allowed your void to grow stronger in his presence. You didn't hinder him, just shot at the scraps he left you.

By now your brain was so foggy, that you had trouble seeing and thinking straight. To keep yourself on your feet, not carried like Vicrul was now, you focused on the one thing that practically pulled you towards him anyway: Kylo.