Shade Of Pink ✔️

❄️Hating you ❄️

Taking in my lower lips into my mouth to suck on my breath, I exhaled trying to steady my racing heart, my life seemed to be nothing but a mess.

From the wedding to everything down happening in my life was still taking a toll on me, not to talk about how my marriage is a total pain I can't even start describing how much pains it brought to my soul always making me wonder if I was ever going to be fine for I was totally broken and a shit at that.

I exhaled another breath looking at my reflection from the mirror I almost didn't recognize me the cheerful smile that was always married to my face was nowhere to be found, I was left with a big frown heavy dark bags under my eyes and wrinkles all over, well been over dramatic was always part of me which was something I was glad didn't fade.

I had gone over with the thought of doing this for over a million times or more if it was possible, never the less this was what I made my mind on and I wasn't backing down.

Folding the prayers mat then placing it back to it previous position, after having a bath I performed ablution prayed the missing prayer of zuhr, it was almost 3 noon which meant I would call Rahil and let her know about my visit which is of course part of my plans.

The phone wasn't picked until it's last ringing where I almost gave up because maybe she was in school and I won't get the chance to see her and maybe I have to kiss my plans goodbye even before they came to action.

Her voice came rambling about how she was downstairs with ansar and had to rush to get the phone, well let's skipped the part about how I felt at the mention of his name which I bushed off asking if she was home and free to spend time.

Well I could trace the excitement in her voice about how she couldn't believe I was coming over and even requested we spent time together before hanging the phone, I won't let the guilt take over me for not opening up I was just trying to hold everything myself I had no shoulders to lean on and I could only shoulder all my pains I remembered where my mothers words of advise after I was conveyed to my husband's house.

Well the thought alone brought me intense head throb I can't start to picture the daylight nightmare I went through in the hands of those monsters.

And my mother was glad to let me go once I informed her I was going to Rahil and maybe have Iftar which she ask the driver to drive me, she was always extra protective about me scared I'll also disappear from the face of earth and to leave her with the husband she choose over her children happiness.

Shaking the thought off my mind to avoid me from having my mood deepen, Rahil was still in her pj by the time she opened the door, she had a vintage scarf wrapped loosely around her hair, a yellow themed sponge bobs pj which almost blind my eyes, it seemed she would never grow up.

Pulling me in a hug once she took in my appearance to be sure I was well, "well I thought you would have a change of mind why I haven't still bath"

Rahil rambled after ushering me into the house where we settled in the living room I search my eyes for the other occupants nodding my head at her words absently, I couldn't even made out what she was saying.

" well I think ansar just got to his room, should I bring him down"

She asked getting my attention seeing how I roamed my eyes over the place.

"Well no you should just just freshen up then maybe we could catch up"

I brought an excuse to set my plans into motion.

Making sure Rahil was in her room I made way to ansar room, the door was slightly open making me get into the room.

The room was quite dark the only source of light coming in was from the window he was standing with his back facing me, he seemed to be on the phone but hearing movement from behind him make him quick to turn, I couldn't miss the surprise masking his face with that of shock.

He stared at me for a bit longer I guess only recovering once the person from the other end asked if he was fine, I could see how he masked whatever emotion it was that was displaying which I was disappointed because he hard this stern frown which I won't lie made a knot in my tommy tie.

He ended the call, then walked to where the light where and turned it on, I guessed to be sure it was me and not a ghost yet I stood rooted to my spot with him staring me down with smile on his face.

This was going to be harder than I thought I said to myself embracing myself I should have done this way earlier to avoid this.

"Ansar"

I won't lie but I hated the way my voice shook as I spoke like I was second away from crying which I knew I was going to I would do absolutely anything, just to get him back if only I wasn't late.

"Fatima!"

There was a ping of anger from the way he called my name which he never did I was always his angel or better still baby, but calling out my name was totally not what I expected.

"Am sorry for everything I caused, but Wallahi I didn't mean to hurt you I just did what I had to"

"And you hurt me, you did what you had to and it's already in the past what do you want now"

His voice was raising and I hated how he sounded anger.

"I love you ansar I would always do"

"Love you called what we had love, and you couldn't fight for us. I won't like it coming out this way but I hate you I hated the day I first saw you"

And my world came crashing down, my legs couldn't contain my weight any longer I felt myself crumbling down the the floor which earned a chuckle from him.

And then I knew it was over

Tohm
Happy new year in advance
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Aleeyu zaynab
27-12-2023