Guilty Pleasures

4- the bar

Ross Amor
"Yo man, this is Jack. Come pick your boy, he's totally wasted" his voice sounded slightly drunk.
   I hung up. I don't know him. I'm not going. He is not my responsibility.
I know why I'm not going. Probably cause i don't want to show my ugly face to Jack just to be humiliated.

  But what if something happens to Austin? It would be my fault. Oh god. Fine I'll go.

"Hey Sam I am going out" i grabbed my coat and began to walk out.

"Where are you going at this time?" He questioned darkly.

"My friend needs a little help. I am kind of in a hurry. See you later" I waved. I heard him say something in between
"Such a good example to Johnny"
~~
Jack texted me the address. And i reached within 15 minutes. As I was searching for Austin I came face to face with my ex.

"Oo look who's here. You're so fast buddy" he smirked and looked at my outfit or specifically my body.
He walked towards me, still smirking. I stiffened. I have to walk away.

"Look at this body. Too bloated. You don't even look good in black anymore. Thick thighs, uh i told you Amor, if you want to be loved. You gotta lose this" he slid his hands down my body, then bent down to whisper,
"Look like the fucking slut you are" now I'm definitely shaking. I push him and walk away looking down.
Fat, bloated,ugly. Disgusting.
I am breathing hard now. Damn i gotta calm down. I find a tree to hold onto while I'm at the verge of breaking down.
  I hear footsteps behind me,
"Ross?? What are you doing here? Oh my god. Are you okay? Wait a minute. I'll get you some water" he rushed but came back within seconds.

"Ross look at me. Deep breaths. Name 5 things you can see. Quick" he ordered.
I was still breathing hard.

"Your face, tree,grass, a wine bottle? And....and"

Slutty fucking whore. Austin's disgusted to even be near you.

"Come on Ross. One more" I can hear his voice. It's blocking my inner voices.

"Your eyes"

"Good good. Now 4 things you can feel"

"Your hand, my feet on the ground,the wind blowing, and...and i cannot think of anything" I look down.

"It's okay it's okay. 3 things you can hear Ross. 3 things" he continued rubbing his palm on my back.

"Your voice,music, and birds chirping"

"2 things you can smell"

"Your cologne, and...beer"

"1 thing you can taste"

"Tomato?"

My breathing became normal now. And everything's clearer. I can see Austin laughing and then turn serious.
  He was laughing at you.

"Tomato Ross? What did you eat" he chuckled.

"You good now?" His hand was still on my back.

"Yes. Thank you. How did you know that?"

"Meh Wattpad?" He smiled again. He looked breathtaking in the moonlight.
He then grabbed my hand and we both sat down.

"I thought you were drunk?" I asked. He looked pretty sober now.

"I do get drunk. But it's time for me to go home so I had to sober up. Wait, why are you here anyways?" He asked.

"You called me. Well Jack asked me to pick you up..." I said still not meeting his eyes.

"I'm sorry. Is Jack the one who caused this?" He asked slowly. I didn't want to lie so i nodded.

"Can I hug you Ross?" He asked very softly. Too softly. I nodded again.

He wrapped his arms around me carefully. I breathed in his cologne. His hand patting my back, i couldn't keep it in. I started crying. Too hard.

"I...i am so sorry for being...like this. I just...i don't know what is wrong with me..i am sorry" i kept gasping for air and hiccuping every other second.

"It's okay. Completely alright. Let it out. You'll feel better." His voice was so soothing for my comfort.
As he rocked me back and forth i felt my eye lids become heavy.

Austin Brooks
That was a lot. It was scary to encounter him have a panic attack and then breakdown. I wasn't ready. But i hope he felt better. I still held his hand as we walked to his car. His eyes looked puffy from all the crying.

"Hey, look at me" i said.

"Listen to me Ross. Anytime. You need to or simply want to talk, call me, text me, anything. Okay? We might not know each other that well, and this might be unusual. But I'm here to help you ok?" I smiled.

He suddenly hugged me out of nowhere and i made "woah" sound but hugged him back.

"Thank you so much for today. I'm really grateful to you. You know i was thinking, i am interested in a friendship with you. We can start there and see where it goes" he spoke, finally looking at me. I nodded and smiled.
~~
After he dropped me, i kept wondering what was up with him and why he broke down so badly. I've had one or two panic attacks but nothing that serious. I wouldn't even call mine panic attacks honestly. 
   I was too tired to think more so I drift off into sleep.

Ross Amor
   I cannot imagine how hard it was for him to calm me down. I mean it's not everyday he has to encounter panic attacks.
  I walk up to my mirror. Remove my shirt and jeans and glare at my body.
Fat. Slut. Whore. Disgusting. Ugly. Useless.
I open my closet to look at my clothes. I have so many clothes but no matter how many times i try to wear them outside I just can't. I try them on, look in the mirror,yell and throw them away back into the closet.
I can't take this anymore. I grab all my crop tops, my leather jackets, and my slim fit jeans. I pack them all in one bag and stack it in my attic where nobody really goes.
Great. Now I have oversized t shirts, baggy jeans, and some turtle neck sweatshirts.
  Ugh. I grab my phone to scroll through Instagram models. I search up gayproud123. He is an out gay, proud, and always posts hot pictures of himself in hot clothes. He has a sweet boyfriend though never revealed, he always talks about him in his posts.
   I wish I could be like him. I wish. I dozz off.
~~~

The next morning I hear screams and yelling from the kitchen. I bolt up and rush down just to find my stepdad wearing his boxers,chasing my brother, who in his hands has Sam's favorite CD collection.

"JOHNNY ANDROID GIVE ME THAT RIGHT NOW!"

"HAHA, not happening" my brother escapes into the balcony.

Oh god he is going to embarass himself. I follow Sam, and drag him back.

"Sam, you are in your boxers. You wouldn't want to embarass yourself, do you?" I fold my arms and watch my stepdad pout like a teenager. He really loves his CD set,god.
  I hear the doorbell ring. When i opened the door I came face to face with...