Guilty Pleasures

6-ignoring

Austin Brooks
I slowly get up and look around for him, but he had already left. I run to my car parked at a distance, and found Ross sitting inside, his face in his arms. I get in and we sit in silence. I finally spoke after a few minutes.

"I'm sorry. I did not mean to pressure you, I shouldn't have pushed you. I am sorry" i apologised, looking at him.
He still refused to look at me.

"I would like to go home" he said after a few more minutes of silence.

  I packed up all our things and drove him home. He didn't even bother to look back at me and rushed to his room. I sighed and drove home.
~~~
That was a fucking week ago. He went MIA. Did not reply to my texts or calls. I mean he did, but only to let me know that he needs time for god knows what. Ugh. I had enough. I drove to his home and knocked on the door.

  His stepdad allowed me inside and gave me a cup of coffee. I thanked him and asked him what was wrong with Ross.

"I am sorry kiddo. He is one hard kid to handle. I'm sure he'll come around. So what are you studying currently?" He changed the subject.

"I am doing fine arts. Photography, sculpturing, blah blah little bit of everything" i said. He was about to ask something else when Ross walked down.
  God did he look like he had just come out of depression. He had heavy eye bags. Dark circles. His hair was a tangled mess. I stood up and walked to him.

"We should talk" I folded my arms and stated firmly. He simply nodded and we reached his room.

"So?" I began.

"What?"

"What do you mean what?? You just vanished for a week and freaked out on me for no fucking reason. You either talk to me or...i don't know. Just say something" i give up. I don't want to pressure him to open up but i guess i just did that.

"I am sorry" he finally goddamn finally looked at me.

"What happened Ross? You can talk to me" I pulled him towards me gently.

"I wish I was like you" he spoke.
 
"Like me? As in...?" I trailed off.

"You're handsome, cute,funny and confident. I wish I could be like that" his voice was still low and weak.

"Hey hey, look at me. Ross, look at me" he looked at me, and oh he looked so sad.

"You,Ross Amor, is the fucking cutest and most handsome guy I've met. Okay? Remember the day I dashed into you? It was because of your looks, see i was so distracted by how amazing you looked. And Ross, if you cannot love yourself physically. Love yourself for your personality. You are funny and so very cool to hang out. You hear me Ross? If you can't love yourself, I, Austin Brooks, will love your clothes, style,body and whatever it is that you're struggling with" i hugged him close. He hugs back and i can feel him slightly chuckle.

"Can I kiss you?" He mumbled in my shoulder.

I pull him back and look at his lips intently. He leans forward and pecks my lips. I chuckle and bring our lips together. Our innocent kiss soon turned very hot. Involving tongues and stuff. He bit my lower lip and I slid my hands all over his neck,abs, and soon he pulled me on to his laps.
  I can feel his hands at the hem of my shirt. I pull back to breathe a little.

"Let's take it slow? Hm? Is that okay?" I ask him.

"Yeah, I'm okay with anything. As long as you are here" he says smiling brightly. He pecks my lips again. I smile.

"I'm really sorry for ignoring you, i just was having a hard time" he apologised again.

"Can you tell me what made you push me away?" I ask slowly.

Ross Amor (before the kiss on the date)

He leaned forward. I followed. His lips look soft, plump and very very cute. I can do this. His lips slightly touch mine and then
Chappy lips. Eww he will be disgusted. He will feel your fat all over your body. Slut. You try too hard bitch.
Gazillion thoughts erupted my brain. I wanted it to stop, I pushed him away and ran away from there.
  You are so useless. Couldn't even fucking kiss. Pathetic bitch.
Stop stop stop!! I couldn't think clearly. 

Present day
"I was overwhelmed by my thoughts. I uh i thought you would hate me and all that stuff. I sound so stupid right now but i just..i couldn't think clearly"

"Hey, you are not stupid. It's fine. I'm glad you didn't force yourself and kiss me just to fight those thoughts" he reassures.

"I know, i really do know that this whole body hating and stuff isn't that serious. I'm sorry to dump this on you"

"No. It is serious Ross. Do you starve yourself?" He asked carefully.

"I..I don't keep track of calories and stuff but i...i do skip my meals sometimes or..or um throw up" I feel fucking ashamed to be whining about nothing.

"Okay okay. We'll work on it hm? It'll be super duper hard but we can do it. Anything else you want to tell me?"

"I..I am struggling to find clothes to go out. When I'm home, i try to ignore what i wear and how I look but when i need to go outside i just...i feel...i don't feel comfortable" I don't know how to say it without sounding dumb.

"Let's go through your clothes shall we? Look at what you feel comfortable in" i nod. I dump my clothes out and also bring those clothes i hid.

"Wow Ross, you have such a variety of cool clothes. I'm sure you rock all these" he exclaimed examining each one.
  He takes out my crop shirt I wrote just once which turned out a disaster.

"You would look so hot in this. Wanna try now?"

"No..."

"Why?"

"I am fat" I admit.

"So what? Ross,clothes are meant to fit you. You are not meant to fit them. Besides,who said that only slim looking people should wear crop tops"
~~~
I look at myself in the mirror. My stomach fat is slightly hanging and I punch it so hard wishing it could disappear. I sigh and walk out. I was greeted by a big bear hug by Austin.

"You look so hot and cute at the same time" his smile is so genuine that i wanted to believe that i really do look good. 
  I smile back weakly.

"That's alright. I didn't expect you to fall in love with yourself with my killer smile. It'll take time. Are you comfortable in this?"

"No..."

"That's fine. Now let me ask you a question. Why do you want to be slim?"

I never thought about why. I just wanted to.

"Is it for you? Is it for someone else?" He asked.

"I don't know" I look down.

"Okay. Listen. If this starving and urge to be thin is for someone else you gotta stop. It is not necessary at all. But if this is for you, if this is because YOU want to find yourself beautiful in these clothes then let's work on your goals without starving that is" I couldn't help but stars at his sincerity to help me.

"Me. For me" i finally say.

"No rash decisions. Think about it. Let me know. Okay?"  I nod and hug him again.