Guilty Pleasures

17-Help

Ross Amor

I got myself an amazing therapist with Austin's help. It was cheap so we divided the amount despite the fact that I still feel guilty he's spending on me. My therapist is a very kind hearted man, he patiently waits for me to open up. Even if it takes an entire session for me to utter like 10 sentences.
  It's not an overnight progress. I still have nightmares now and then. But it's  better when Austin's there. Safer. My therapist, David, suggested me to sleep with my brother.
   When I told this to my brother, he was more than happy to do so. My relationship with my friends have gotten better. Phoenix and I are more like brothers rather than friends. We bicker, tease and share everything and anything from talking about our childhood Marvel underwears to me seeing my therapist and him having a rocky relationship with his family.
  Adam is also pretty cool with me, we three hang out a lot. Raise and Anthony are busy with their own little love life. All in all I got better with help.

"I have to tell you something Ross"  Austin fiddled with the hemp of my shirt as he sat on my laps.

"Say it then" I give him a soft smile.

"I've been having these....episodes? I don't know what to call them. I just get all sweaty, I cry my lungs out and I feel like I'm going crazy" he speaks, still not meeting my eyes.

"Darling, maybe you should start seeing a therapist? If money's the problem, you can stop paying for me. I'll go back to my jobs. It's totally fine" I tell him.

"Ross. My mother is a psychologist, I told her this. She told me that I was overthinking all this stuff. That with you...you know. Anyways she thinks that I should stop overthinking then everything will be fine but it isn't getting better" he sighs and pulls me in for a hug.

"Maybe you haven't described it how you actually feel, it's hard to put everything into words"

"What should I do?" He whispers.

"Sit and talk with your mom. More serious talk rather than casual. Do you want to talk to a therapist?" He shakes his head on negative.

"Why not?" I ask.

He gets off my lap and puts on a grin before saying, "You know what, I am truly overthinking this. I'm fine. I mean I don't know a better psychologist than my mother. Actually she's the one who suggested me to befriend you to help you. She recognised you were struggling with just a glance" he says, proudly.

"Don't shutdown your feelings okay? Your mother is great but people can make mistakes. Remember that she is afterall a human" he nods in approval.

Just then there is a loud bang on my door. We both rush to see who was banging the door at noon.
  It was Anne. (The neighbour in the 5th chapter for anyone who forgot, like me (⁠^⁠^⁠))

"Where is Sam? Ask him to come out right now" she commands in fury.

"What's wrong?" I question.

"Where is he?" She repeats this time enunciating the words.

"He's at work. Tell me what the hell happened"

"Oh so he calls getting drunk, high and gambling work now?" She scoffs.

"What?" I question in disbelief.

"He lied to me for months saying that he needed money for your studies and to feed you. I saw him gambling and drinking on the streets and saw him walking into a pub last night. Hoped I mistook someone for him but oh no. He was with a gang, I was too scared to confront then. So here I am"

"Wh- no. You must've mistook him for someone else. He's quit drinking, he's been going to wo-work" I stutter. Austin placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry Ross but he's been lying to you, both of us honestly. Jesus Christ that guy, I'm going to cut him into pieces the next time I see him" she swears with rage and hatred.