Guilty Pleasures

28- just

Lily Amor

Devastating is not enough to describe the current situation. Everything is a literal mess. I know things will get better soon. And one day everyone will look back and wonder, ah how did we get through that. But I'm extra eager for that "soon".
   Ross came home all shaken up. It broke my heart to look at my own son looking like he's been crumpled under a vehicle at least a 100 times. I tried to talk to him but he softly requested to leave him alone. I tried to get him to eat something because day by day, I don't see my son anymore...it's just bones. As a mother it's the worst feeling to not be able to feed your own son and watch him turn into bones.

I called Austin's mother to find out what happened. She was livid. She hung up after cussing a few words. Bullshit. Mark was trying his best to be there for everyone. Kind of clueless though. I'm sure it's not what he expected when he decided to date me.

"Hey, have you eaten?" He asks softly.

I nod and urge him to sit beside me. He walks over and spoons me on the couch.

"Ross hasn't eaten" I state.

"Should I try?" He asked.

"Maybe...I don't know...he seemed really 'not in the present'" I try to describe.

"Let me go and try. What did you cook?"

"Johnny made a cheese sandwich" I point towards the poor sandwich lying on the table.

"Okay I'll try"

Ross Amor

I feel all shivery. I wrap the blanket closer and tighter. There is no fan and it's at least as hot as a summer morning outside. Yet all I could feel is shivers all over.
  I hear a knock on the door. I try to call out, yes come in. But I couldn't hear my own voice. I try a bit louder. Nothing. After a while the door opens and Mark is at the doorway with a sandwich in his right arm and a water bottle in his left.
  I groan before I get up to ask him to leave. I wouldn't be able to yell even if I wanted to. For various reasons.

  For starters, my brain would start scolding me with all of the existing adjectives. Plus i have no bit of energy to yell right now.

"Hey Ross. This is weird, I know. But I was wondering if we could both have a meal together" he said as he took a seat beside me on the bed.

"I'm sorry, I'm not hungry. Please leave" I whisper. I'm not sure if he heard me.

"I am not hungry either. You know...you need energy to cry. Maybe you should eat for that reason"

I frown at his way of coaxing me to eat that loaf of bread.

"I'm good, thanks" I decline. I really need him to leave.

"What is your favorite colour Ross?" He asks out of the blue.

"I'm really tired, please leave" I stress the words this time.

"Mine is Purple. Especially lavender. That was the colour I saw when I met your mother. Lavender. She was in a lavender coloured dress, her hair tied up with a lavender coloured clip clutching on to her bun. But that is totally unnecessary right now.  
  Did you know that some people see much behind colours? Like personalities. Emotions. Colours can describe many things. We just underestimate them. Which colour do you see yourself as?"

I don't know how that stupid colour topic caught my interest but the way he described my mom reminded me of Austin. Admiration. Such an admiring thing it is.

"Algal green" I answer.

"That is way too specific. Do you have a reason?"

"I hate the colour. I love most colours but I hate that specific colour. But I wonder why I hate that colour so much...maybe because it doesn't please my eyes. Just like the me in the mirror doesn't. I believe that someday, I will begin to like that colour too. If is see it in a different perspective. So..I'm waiting for that one day" I explain.