Punish me, Professor, I dare you.

Chapter 21: The Ellgar Trial

It's like I only had to blink twice and 1st of March arrived at Hogwarts, with a lovely, early spring sunshine peeking in through the windows. The last few days were filled with emotions and nervousness, Dumbledore, Severus and me arranging small meetings, thinking of all the possible questions I might be facing once the minister and the Wizengamot sees the stolen memories. We thought of a solid answer for even the most impossible inquiries, using our free time to perfect our strategy, Dumbledore even came up with a secret backup plan if somehow Fudge decided to go off rails with the hearing. Having a foolproof battle plan calmed my otherwise racing heart, since as the day of my trial approached, even sleep became very difficult for me. Snape, being the caring man he is, left a small vial of calming draught each day in the back of the potions classroom, to help me with my growing anxiety, and I gladly drank it, thankful for his attention. My oncoming doomsday erased every inch of my sexuality, so February's last week found me as a serious, gloomy girl, almost numbed to the last cell by fear and anticipation. Even if I saw Snape, or had class with him, all of my usual heated daydreams steered clear of my brain, and for a small period of time, we regressed to what we were supposed be from the start: a simple student and her teacher. I didn't rebel, I didn't talk back, I just plainly did my duties in silence, even my humor dissipated altogether. I found myself wrapped up in my own thoughts a lot, and this of course gave Drax ample reason to be concerned about my state. Poor boy did everything to keep my mood elevated, or at least keep it on surface level, dancing around me all the time to see how can he be of help. I was so grateful for his efforts, but this whole blasted situation sucked out the colors from me, and left a void in my chest. I was far from my normal self.

My teachers noticed of course, but out of all the professors, Lupin was the most dedicated in trying to bring a smile on my face. He noticed that in DADA my performance dropped a little, and my usual confident self was gone. Of course he was aware of my approaching hearing, and the professor eagerly tried to put some spirit in me with small encouraging speeches, chocolate and an almost daily reminder that he's here for me, and I shouldn't worry about losing. Remus often invited me in his office for a cup of tea, each session like a visit to a therapist. He put me in his dark brown wingback chair with a blanket, and made me spill every current emotion out, while he sat at his desk. His slightly pushy style appeared weird to me at first, but I soon realized that it was necessary if the DADA teacher wanted to save me from depression. As the grey days passed, I found myself in need of his affirmations, using them to hold my mind afloat. I didn't know what I did to deserve this special treatment, but I sure as hell wasn't mad about it.

Snape of course was supportive in his own style. The bat wasn't a man of words in the first place, but seeing his little aids with the calming draughts and his absolute focus on my case in meetings confirmed his dedication to my victory. The potioneer already told me before, he was thinking long-term, concentrating on the strategy part of this, rather than patting me on the head every day to give me comfort emotionally, which was only a temporary fix. In this matter, he had more of a spartan style, but I could see, his approach made the most sense here. At the same time however, deep down I needed occasional 'head pats' to feel a bit better and to make myself believe that I truly don't have anything to fear. This is why I had a spot of remorse accepting Remus' comforting acts and warm therapy sessions, because I knew Snape would be absolutely jealous if he knew, but I still let the DADA teacher wrap me in a warm blanket each time, to soothe my anxious being. I felt like the ultimate piece of crap, but Remus was the only one who caressed my emotions, and for a young girl like me, that carried a huge significance.

So, here we are, summoned in Dumbledore's office, me sitting in a comfy chair facing the headmaster, and behind me stands Snape, with his hand placed on the backrest. If someone made a photo of us from the front, they would say we look like a newlywed couple. We're waiting for Moody's arrival, who should be here any minute, the clock reads 8:15, and my trial starts at 9. Not going to lie, I'm afraid we'll be late a bit.