Punish me, Professor, I dare you.

Chapter 23: Merciless Masquerade

The morning of Vincent's birthday found me curled up in a ball on my dorm bed, crying. Only five days passed since the Lupin incident, and ever since that dreadful afternoon, Severus refused to speak to me entirely. He avoided me like I had the plague, refused to make the slightest eye contact, he even parried listening to my voice, because he just simply looked through my form in class, no matter how many times I had my hand raised. I was ignored to the maximum, and I would never receive a reaction to my attempts at starting a conversation with him in our headspace. The thing that hurt most, is that the potion master refused to even look at me. I became invisible to him. My existence was erased.

I know he felt hurt, and that hug with Lupin probably looked very bad from the outside, the DADA teacher attempted explaining himself to the potioneer a few times —seeing how Snape pierced him with his gaze ever since— but to no avail, the bat dismissed his efforts, and eventually, Lupin gave up. Remus didn't want any problems caused by Snape going to Dumbledore and reporting him for harassing a student, and thank Merlin, the potions professor never made such move. Yet he still kept his distance with me. Very seriously. The man was a master at evasion, if he truly wanted to avoid someone, that person never saw a glimpse of his black shadow ever. And this was exactly what tore me apart. I didn't even get a chance to call out to him, or to just pull him over in a corner to discuss and make up, he just disappeared from my sight. The only time I saw him was when I had class with him, but even then the master didn't leave me any chance to get his attention. I wasn't sent in detention, I wasn't scolded, I was just plain and simply a gray student, just like any other kid in his class. A student who was blocked from speaking altogether.

This behavior of his is getting to me, and although Lupin tried to pull out the reason for my sadness, I politely refused to talk, saying I don't want him to misinterpret my silence, but I'd rather not discuss my heart's ache at the moment. This way I was able to save face, keep my relationship with Snape and avoid hurting Remus at the same time. Thankfully he was understanding beyond measure, and let me off with a warm smile and a promise that his office was always open if I decided to pour my heart out or just have a plain chat. I'm his 'star girl' after all. His comment warmed my heart but made my eyebrow run up a bit on my face. I know I'm the best in his class, but still...

Drax almost slapped me when I explained the situation to him after I got back from the dungeons that day. He was positively upset that I didn't reject Lupin's embrace immediately, and he said I should have just told him that I don't feel well or something, so that Remus could let me go in peace. Drax is the most understanding and empathetic person I know, but he also has a strong sense of justice and righteousness, and he's not afraid to spit it in my face if I'm wrong. And in his opinion, I was more than wrong here. He went on about how hurt Snape must feel now, and if I have any idea how wrong that hug looked to him. Of course, after he finished biting my head off and lecturing me about the small details of betrayal and unfaithfulness, I received lots of hugs and encouraging words from him in these five days. Now, laying in my bed, with red stinging eyes, breathing in a soft staccato after half a night crying through, I pull the covers over my head, hiding my body from the world in shame and pain.

'I'm surprised he kept himself together so well, and didn't hex Lupin immediately.' he said. 'Listen here. You love him. If you don't view your relationship with him as just a fling, then you have to be aware that you belong to him and no one else can touch you in an intimate way. Got it? And that hug was intimate as fuck, based on your description. Seeing how possessive Snape is, I'm sure I don't have to explain it to you how huge of a betrayal this was in his eyes.' his berating voice echoes in my head as I sniffle in the semi dark room, with the Sun slowly rising behind the curtains.

I listen to my roommates get up and prepare themselves for breakfast, but I decide not to show up in the Great Hall, I lost my appetite for now. One thought is chasing itself in my mind: how will we attend the party with Snape, when we're on such bad terms with each other? He promised to accompany me to the party, and Vincent's parents will send enchanted carriages for us to Hogsmeade to pick us up. Will the bat still want to be by my side, or I shall have to look out for myself alone? Uncertainty eats my weakly beating heart, as I hear the girls leave the dorm, and again, I'm completely alone. The tears feel caustic on my eyelids, and I try to fall asleep again, we only have to be there at the carriages at 6 anyways, so I want to be conscious as little as possible, thank you.