The Mechanics of The Heart (Unedited)

1

Hunter Colin

There was a lot I learned from my father just by sitting in his silence. He wasn't a man of many words, he hardly laughed and I can only remember him smiling a few times in his life. But his silence was loud, but very still. Like the lake late at night when the surface is a mirror for the moon but just beneath, it's roaring with life.

We moved around a lot, bouncing between Georgia and Louisiana before my dad bought the house in Nevada, when he got patched in. We were living in Louisiana at the time, right off a dead end road and in the summer I used to catch crickets by the bank.
I remember playing with the fish sticks on my plate when my dad told my mom, I remember watching the wine glass fly across the table almost like in slow motion before my mother followed like a wolf animal, clawing and crying all at the same time my father kept a straight face as he stood to his staggering height. Holding my mother dainty looking wrist in his massive hands.

I was sent to finish my fish sticks in my room that might, the screaming didn't stop until I left for school the next day.

It was a long time after my father bought the house before he ever brought Nevada up again, it wasn't until I was old enough to start realizing how easy it was to sneak out my bedroom window. My parents fought day and night and when they were fighting they were fucking. The only peace we ever got was when my sister was born.

I think Bambi was sent to us for a reason at the time, when Bambi was born the drinking slowed, the screaming stopped and before I knew it was in Nevada sneaking into the garage to sit on my dads Harley while he snored away on the couch, to tired to remember to eat his dinner let alone lock up his bike properly.

I'd spend hours just staring at the fears and the mechanics of his bike, the silence was soothing and when I sat on his bike, I closer to my dad than I have had -unless he hugged me.

Despite his unwavering silence and seemingly intimidating nature, my father was my best friend and I wanted nothing more in the world for my father to leave my mother, just take my sister and I away.
I used to think I was cynical for having thoughts like that, I mean what person would take a mother from her kids?

A father who loves his kids enough to protect them from anything.

But he didn't, and Bambi and I grew under the thumb of the wicked witch-

"Why're you sitting here, looking like a sour puss?" It was safe to say my sister was all authentically herself these days. Her country drawl was as thick as ever now that she had taken a trip back to Louisiana for a week.
We don't have much family, it was always just our parents and us but she claimed she wanted Bayou to know all of his history. The gaps and all.

"And pray tell what exactly does a sour puss look like?" I smirked, the joke was lame but it irritated her enough for her to roll her eyes and her eyebrow twitch.
"You're so corny." She sighed deeply, out of breath before sipping on her sweating glass of ice water. There were lemons floating on top that she picked out and ate like candy.
She was about six months pregnant now with my niece, Bayou was turning four in after this summer. And was married to a man who would go through hell and high water just for her to be happy, to this day after almost seven years of marriage I had never seen them argue or Bambi ever upset. The life that seemed obtuse and almost unimaginable, I watched my sister dig, fight and claw for it until it was tangible and real.

"Are you going to come to Sunday dinner or am I sending Bear with leftovers again?" Her eyebrow twitched again and I knew if I didn't answer properly she might start cussing and then crying. There was nothing more painful than watching my baby sister cry.

But there was a different type of feeling that made my bones feel like clay and my blood like slush snow, watching my sister with her family.
It wasn't jealously, envy or anything that could be explain in any terms less lament than longing.

Despite everything I learned from my father, watching him devote himself to my mother actually made me resent the entire ideology of giving undying loyalty to a woman.

Unintentionally he had taught me that vampires were real, and they sucked the life out of you after they've lured you into bed.
I watched my mother take everything my father every dreamed or created and turn it into ash with her bare hands.

I didn't want that for myself. I couldn't have that for myself.

"I gotta get going Bam." I pushed past the twist in my heart at my sisters fallen face. There was a crinkle in her brow and her shoulder slumped just the slightest but still she nodded. Not pushing for an answer to my attendance or seemingly anything else for that matter.

"I will tell Bayou you stopped by. Theo and him will be back from visiting Hendrix tonight." I nodded, pulling my cut back on as I stood, my mug of tea untouched and in a lasting fight to put the smile back on my sisters face. I chug to cooled lavender tea that tasted like grass to me but Bambi loved this shit since she was in high school.

When I was staring at the bottom of the white mug, it clicked back to the table and the edges of her mouth were turnt up slightly.
"Good, you shouldn't be here by yourself anyway." I leaned to kiss her head and brush against her protruding stomach, my own doing flips as my brain reminds me there is an entire human developing in there.

"It was only for the night and I told him to go. It's good they know their family." She smiled softly, rubbing on her stomach as she waddles me to the door.

"Yeah well you've got my number. And you two dickheads better keep her safe." I narrow my gaze at the two giant men holding what looks like frail acrylic in their hands but were dominos in all actuality.
Tennessee only rolled his eyes and there was no response, not even a wink from the other party, Coyote- a prospect that ironically enough was under Bambi's reference. That fact alone makes my balls itch.
Keys couldn't find anything on him and Bambi and her whole fucking moral code is based on the respect and love of others so where he came from is a mystery to me and Bear. But he'd trust her with a revolver , five bullets and a game of Russian roulette with his turn being first.

"Don't be a bully Bullet. Be safe!" My sisters voice floated over me like a prayer as I swung my leg over my bike, tossing her a salute before cutting the engine and pulling out of their long, woodland drive way.