The Mechanics of The Heart (Unedited)

28

HEAVY TRIGGER WARNING. This chapter contains a scene with sexual assault, this chapter can be skipped if this makes you uncomfortable.
Amara

3 months ago.

"Oh come the fuck on!" I winced as Jared launched the controller across the bed, it bounced off the bed at the edge of my feet and clattered to the floor with a loud noise.

It was almost ten at night and quiet hours started half an hour. Most of my teammates on the track team room together in a dorm or suite but since the mishap with my scholarship funds ive been roomed with a chem major and her only priorities seemed to be bringing frat boys back to our room and cram studying to rock music while chugging red bull. Julius and I had been sharing a bed since we kids, so I'd always spend the night on the night before I had a morning class or before a meet.

The RA, Justin wasnt my biggest fan since I was constantly in the boys dorm, if he came now there would be no doubt in my mind he'd kick me out and word would get back to our coach.

Julius was up in an instant, in our teammates face and I rolled my eyes as Jared puffed his chest out. I don't know why they play this game, it always ends with Jared throwing a tantrum and Julius throwing him out of his dorm.

"Alright alright, we don't need you two beating the hell out of each the night before our meet." I pushed myself between both beefy boys, Julius moved until my hand pressed flat against his chest. Tossing him an unimpressed look, "Stop."

Jared scoffed, "whatever man, fucking lunatic." I sighed as Jared muttered the insult loud enough to ping pong between the three of us, watching as Julius bristled, face hardening.

"Get the fuck out." A grunt inwardly left my mouth as Julius pushed me aside, my socks sliding on the hard floors of the dorm. I rolled my eyes as he shoved Jared out his open door, moving back to my spot on the bed as the door slammed shut so hard the framed Michael Jordan poster beside the tv rattled so hard I thought it would fall and shatter.

I winced again and held my breath as Julius stuck his head out the hall, twisting left and right before sighing and shutting the door quietly. We both seemed to pause for a moment, listening intently for any sign of Justin on the hunt. I felt my whole body deflate with an deep exhale after a few minutes.

"I dont know why you hang out with each other if you cant stand each other." I rolled my eyes again, moving to pick the fortunately, undamaged controller off the floor. Julius sighed audibly before collapsing onto his bed making me bounce with his weight.

"Same reason you deal with Brooke even though you hate her." I scowled as he flicked my nose.

"Thats different, she's third leg and im anchor. Our team work relies on our chemistry." Without a bond, the pass would never have the trust needed to keep our relay race numbers where they are.
"You and Jared just like to piss each other off." He grunted as I dropped his controller on his stomach.

Moving to my bag resting by the door, Julius didnt have to rely on a scholarship like me or financial aid. His parents had set aside a college fund early in his childhood while mine spent their time peddling off their art and doing god knows what with the money they did make.

His single door was adorned with a Tv his dad paid extra to have hung on the wall, a gaming system and a mini fridge that was constantly over flowing with food. It was much better than what was offered in the cafe most days but the season was dying down soon and my work study hours would start, I didn't get paid but the tips were good enough to get through half the semester until indoor would track would start.

"I dont like to piss him off, its just nice to see someone knock him down a peg. Anyways i'm tired of talking about him and you' said you'd braid my hair for the meet tomorrow." I didnt have to look at him to know he was crossing his arms and pouting like a child, Julius had obnoxiously long hair for a boy who was tender headed.

"I forgot the comb in my dorm, I can do it tomorrow on the bus." I shrugged, moving to swipe my hair off my neck. It was unnatural cold in the boys dorm, I wasnt sure if it was because it faced away from the sun but my sweat pants did and long sleeve did very little to fight off the cold. Rubbing my hands together I blew into them as I climbed into my side of Julius extra large twin bed that the school so graciously gifted him.

Julius shuffled into his spot beside me, he smelled like citrus, oranges mostly. He rolled over until he was on his side and I could feel him gazing at the side of my face. The bed was small enough that when I turned over to face him I could see the scar from when he fell teaching me to ride a skateboard at the park, it made it seem like he had a dimple in his chin.

"What?" I closed my eyes as his breath brushed over my face, I could smell the beer and Doritos he and Jared had been scarfing down.

"What?" I parroted, opening my eyes my own breath catching as I find Julius nose brushing mine. "W-what ar-hmrph." His lips fell on top of mine with feverish movements, yanking back I register my black flat against the bed before I do his hands wandering underneath my shirt. "What are you doing?" I push at his hands but they come back with more force than the first time.

I find myself trying to catch his gaze, his dark eyes almost completely black in the dimness of the room.

"Come on, Amara." My body seizes as he forces me flat onto the mattress, dark eyes like black hole narrow down at me with a glint I cant begin to dissect because his hands are wondering all over me again. A broken sob of a whimper slips past my lips as his hands slip into the band of my loose sweatpants, his expression void of anything humane I can find. "Dont be like that, we've been friends since we were kids." My body seizes as he cups my sex, disgust creeps like a shadow and bile forces its way up my esophagus.

Friends? kids? There was nothing friendly or kid like in nature in his features or his actions. In a blink of an eye, a flutter of a butterfly wing. The boy I had grown up to known as my protector was now violating me. A scream echoed loudly in my body, it richotteded off the walls of my mind until I wasnt under Julius anymore, until i couldnt register his hand clamped over my mouth. The scratch of the tag of my sweatpants as he yanked them down faded into a numb buzzing, his grunts in my ear turned to the sounds of rushing water, my body buzzed until the numbness swallowed me whole.

Maybe I passed out, maybe I blacked out from the soaring pain throbbing in the conjunction between my legs. I knew when I opened my eyes the sun was glaring through the blinds and fear gripped me like a swaddled baby. My body frozen as I listened for him in his room, with my back to the door I could feel a stickiness coating my body and a layer of cold sweat made me shudder.

Nausea rocked me like wind in the tree, my face tight with dried, crusted tears. I forced myself upright as silence pounded against my ear drums. My phone buzzed on the night stand and I reached for it on autopilot, my hands shaking as I clenched the sheet tighter around myself eyes scanning for my clothes.

Brooke: Where are you? The bus is about to leave! - 6:50am.

Jasmine: Coach is pissed- 7:04am.

Tanya: You can kiss that Elite 90 recognition award goodbye. - 10:43 am.

Brooke: Third place, coach had Rema run anchor. Thanks a lot Amara, you really fucking suck. - 2:00pm

A fresh round of tears sprang at the messages from my relay team, there were several missed calls from my coach and two from the team's manager.

My legs shook as I stood, tossing the sheet away from my body. Eyes clenching shut at the dried blood trailing down to my ankles, my stomach twisted with cramps and I gasped, unable to catch my brain as I pulled in my sweat pants, my hands shaking violently as I tried to tie the knot. My shirt in shreds on twisted into the sheets.

Pulling on my sports bra and hoodie I moved toward the door, eyes flickering over the next notification that slides across.

Coach Barker: ETA in half an hour, I expect you to be in my office with an explanation, Joseph.

She wanted an explanation, but all that was registering - Julius would be walking back through that door in thirty minutes.
The same scream echoed in the depth of my soul and my chest ached painfully, the sun glaring as I rushed across campus, ignoring the stares and scattered concern in the quad.

My entire world blurred around me and all I could do was run.