The Mechanics of The Heart (Unedited)

18

Bullet

"Come on Colin!, dig, dig, dig!" My ears were ringing as much as I was sure coach's throat was burning somethin fierce. I wanted to tell the fat old bitch to come out here and run these laps on this slick muddy bowl of clay they claimed to be a football field.

The air was thick with humidity and it made my lungs plunge with an ache, there was mud splashed and caked up the length of my legs and covered my cleats until the white laces disappeared completely. Despite my absolutely miserable state- I would run laps until the sun set if it met I didn't have to go home.

But Bam's art program only ran until six-thirty and practice ended at five, I couldn't stay here forever - as much as I wanted to. Besides, the field lights didn't start staying on at night any more since the vandalism.

"Good work today Hunter but I know you can do better." Coach Barter was sure he could send me to the NFL, or even the Hockey league if he ran me into shape enough. He said I read the field like an apex predator, when he found out my father was Maddox Colin- his surprise soon wore off.

I only grunt, yanking my bag one Bambi had found at the bottom of a bin at goodwill one day, off the bench, it was older and the brand name was almost completely peeled off but Bambi had scrubbed it and stitched my initials and a football on it when she got into making clothes last spring.

We live five blocks from the school and between that it wasn't much but a few awkwardly placed stores and houses. Ours sits at the end of the block, it used to be a vibrant fresh pale yellow, fresh flowers in the yard and the curtains pulled back to let the sun in.

But the paint is peeling, the flowers have died even with all the care Bambi has tried to give and we keep the curtains drawn. Blocking out the sun, the world.

The porch creaks with my weight and the screen door is hanging slightly off its hinges. Taking a deep breath I use my key to open the door, all the ache leaves my body and I fall numb.

"Hunter." Her voice sends a shock wave of shivers up my spine and I physically feel sick.

"Hunter-"

"-Are you sure you have everything?" I blink, forcing the memories into the abyss of my mind. Bears face was set, mouth in a thin line and obsidian eyes squinting in the sun. It was the third time he had asked, the first two times had been for himself as my prez, but the lack of my sisters presence was clue enough to know the rest of the hovering was on Bambi's behalf.

I shake my head, a vain attempt in shaking off the chilled feeling in my bones. Jerking my chin once, "Yeah, should only take Keys a day to freeze her bank accounts, by then she'll be just landing back in the states." It all sounded so simply, yet this had been almost three years in the making and this was only the start. By the time I was done with Bianca, there won't be a thing left to identify her body with.

Bambi had more or less gave me her blessing in orchestrating the demise of our mother a while ago, but I knew a part of her was reserved, I wondered if a tiny part of her still called out to our mother in wanton. That part of me had been snuffed out long before I could identify it, I wonder if it used to glaze over my eyes like it does my sister.

"She pissed?" I ask feeling like I already know the answer.

"Nah, more confused I think. You know, in her mind this is all because of her." Bear vocalizing what I feared felt like a spark to my gasoline drenched heart. Bear knew little to nothing for my reasons for coming back to Nevada the way I had, that was one of the blessings of being a brother to a club. No questions asked, we have road names for a reason, we are brothers but even siblings have parts of each other that are kept from each other, intentionally or not.

"I'll talk to her." I sighed, it was so easy to blame Bianca for everything, every bad thing in my life could all be tracked back to her if you spent long enough connecting the dots. But even I felt the distance I had unintentionally built between my sister and I, the guilt I left for her to feel responsible of too shoulder on her own.

I felt like the more I worked to fix all that I felt was wrong in my life the more I was tearing it apart, like building a sandcastle on the shores edge, the waves washing away as I build, it was all beginning to feel futile.

"You don't have to do this on your own, say the word and you'll have the manpower. We're your brothers, we don't want to keep seeing you suffer-" His phone blares loudly, cutting his words but doing nothing to stop his pinning gaze. I clench my jaw, my pride bristles.

"It could be important, prez." I withdraw from the topic completely, moving to clutch my handlebars and Bear sighs, a look of irritation flashes across his face before he fishes his phone out of his pocket, glancing at the screen before looking back at me.

"Ride safe." I nod as he steps back, answering his phone with a grunted 'yeah'. Cranking my bike I check my pockets again, ensuring my phone was in my pocket before peeling out the lot, the prospects standing watch offer me a hoot and a head nod as I rev my engine, basking in the feeling of freedom that vibrated through my body.