The Mechanics of The Heart (Unedited)

29

Amara
The sun was beginning to pull itself over the horizon now, I hadn't realized how good the view was from my apartment. Orange, pink and yellow bursting over the distance of the dry desert now littered with an entire community, full of life.

I wasn't sure how long we've sat here seated on my new couch watching the window, the tv not having a stand to sit on was set across on the floor. Even so, it was around four in the morning when we past a furniture store with wrapped up rugs outside. In the mix of conversation I had mentioned the lack of a furnishings I had and then Bullet was pulling over, forcing a wrapped log into the back of his truck.
No regard for any cameras or security, no words shared just pure impulsive behavior.
He hardly struggled but I couldn't help but laugh at the way he rushed to pull off from the scene and giddy look that reminded me so much of his nephew when he was up to no good in the gallery adorned his features making him look younger.
"Not bad for our first heist, I'd say you're a pretty good looking, look out too. Might have to keep you around, gorgeous." His words were sly and as slick as oil dripping with a country accent I noticed would flicker in and out of his words like a faulty light bulb.

Butterflies were still fluttering around my stomach.
Now the rug lay spread across my living room floor, it was circled and a burnt orange and hues of yellow that looked like the sun.

"What's it like being a biker?" I turned, Bullet tucked into one side, the bruises on his face still evident but the swelling was down completely now. His sharp jaw still intact, I watched him set his paper cup of coffee down on the window sill. My own clutched between my hands to fight of the slight chill seeping in from sitting this close to the window brought.

A host of a smile slipped over his features, with the sun rising it casted a softness over his otherwise rugged features, he looked like an Angel.
"Best way I can put it; it's a lot like soldier, a brother, more than that we're a family. We take care of each other and our community." The conviction in his tone was nothing less I could have expected in his answer, Bullet wore his vest proudly and with purpose. I think you'd be blind not to see that.
"What was running track like?"

I smile, it stretches over my face before I can stop it and my answer is immediate, always the same. "It's like flying. Track aside, running is like taking flight- your feet are barely touching the surface of the earth." He smiles nodding softly, beneath the shallow of his beard I can make out a small, barely noticeable dimple. His teeth are straight and porcelain white, brown hair ruffled and splayed across his forehead from running his fingers through it.

"You blush a lot, I think you think no one notices. But I do." The heat on me cheeks seemed to intensify under his gaze, his eyes moved swiftly as tracked my face. I dont miss as the linger on my lips, turning away I clear my throat.

"Is that your first official observation?" I dont look at him but I can feel he's still looking at me, intense brown eyes leaving a heated trail wherever they linger.

"It is." Is all he says and when my gaze snaps to his he looks amused, completely entertained by my glare, albeit playful.

"I've given at least two, thats not fair." The light of dawn seeping into the window makes it look like he's moving in slow motion as his head tilts to the side, arm clutching his stomach as he laughs, freely and openly. Its deep and rich, but boyish and full of joy.

"I-" His phone vibrates the entire couch as it rings, cutting his words and making me jump. Eyes darting to the kitchen draw I had stashed my phone in, the one I bought left charging in my room after falling dead while out with Bullet. "Hold that thought." I nod as moves off the couch, his long legs carry him across the room and to the small hallway in a few strides, I only catch the gruff 'Yeah' as he answers in a tone I haven't heard from him.

Sighing I stretch my legs out in front of me, setting my cup down on the floor as I yawn. My apartment in less baren but there was still a ton of things I needed, each time I thought about how much I needed to buy for the apartment or find myself looking over the home decor section of the super store I was in yesterday, the more guilty I was starting to feel.

There was the constant, raging thoughts that what I was doing was selfish. I had abandoned my team, my family, my aspirations back in those miles. I spent my days living and working out here in the desert but night were riddled with night terrors and memories of hands grabbing at me, pinning me down and ripping apart my soul.

Everything I lost was because of trust, it ripped my entire world apart.

I trusted my parents to nurture and care for me.

I trusted my siblings to be there for me as I was for them.

I trusted Julius to protect me as he always had.

Each instance I was gutted, left shattered like a broken glass.

Bullets footsteps echo in the bare space of the apartment but sound muffled under the blaring of my thoughts. When I look at him, all brute, charming and muscles, I know trusting him may leave me gutted and bleeding out as he walks away with all that I have left.

So why does my heart keep picking up in pace each time his eyes settle on me?