The Mechanics of The Heart (Unedited)

43

Bullet

When you spend your entire life with what people considered a 'violent' temper, held together by mere threads of patience on a good day, you learn to starting accepting and being okay with the consequences of your actions fairly quickly.

I was more than fine with spending a few days suspended from school for starting, ending a few fights. Sitting out on a few games and listening to coach rant and rave during practice while I ran extra drills was worth it to see the bloodied stained noses, blacked eyes and split lips I plastered around like stickers- over my little sister it was worth it.

The sick part of me knows letting Sean fucking Green died on the train tracks wasn't enough. Too quick of an ending for what he had done to Bambi, I recall the way Marisol's concerned looks attempted to corner me, hushed whispers cut short the times I could pull away from giving Sean what he deserved.

The rational part of me know that is done and over with now, Bambi was happy now, the club left to grow from the trauma. Everyone seemed to move on, it was painful and slow but they did.

All the while the same person, the same culprit behind it all seemed to get away each time. Hands clean from the stone she's thrown as she pins it on someone else.

I had long accepted the consequences that came with killing my mother.

The stiffness in my back was like lighting from the hard concrete of the cell, so I move. Find myself pacing my legs aching from the cramped patrol car, my shoulder rigid from being in small, circulation cutting tight cuffs. As painful as my body felt it all seemed like a distant buzz to the pure, hot rage I felt bubbling through my veins.

I accepted the consequences when i made action. I had barely gotten a chance to disturb the hairs on her head, just healed from the being jumped. I scoffed, realizing her timeline and feeling even more irate as I force myself to stop pacing.

You look like a caged fucking animal.

I fucking felt like one.

I pinched the bridge of my nose.

They had tossed me in the farthest holding cell alone, having barely gone through booking I realized I was the only one alone in the cells, a thick slab of cement between each and across from me the cells were vacant. The entire process felt rushed and I knew it was because Dione was worried about Bear showing up, or calling using our connect in the system to get out. He knew we had one, ever since we dropped him.

I clenched my fist, forcing myself to sit down as the jingling keys echoed down the hallway, the inmates sudden rowdiness starts to drown out the sound until they stop as my door and I glance up. Officer Dione, the rookie and the chief of Nevada's police department are standing in front of my cell, with different degrees of disgruntled-ness plastered across their faces.

"You better thank whatever angel you got watching over you, boy." The chief says the words lowly, with a shake of his head as he unlocks my cell and I smile moving to step out the crowded empty cell right into his space, his eyes are blue remind me of clear waters and they glint with fear.

My grin widens, "I'm not your boy." The rookie moves boldly forward.

"Sir, I suggest you move towards the exit unless you want to make friend with that cell bed t'night." My head tilts inwardly at his thick southern accent as he squares his shoulders, looking slightly up at me.

"No lets not escalate things now, he's just using his freedom of speech, you've made the posted bail Colin.." Chief Adams gestures for me to move ahead towards the lobby and I do so, glaring at the rookie and Dione who one smirk wryly back. I feel tensed, coiled like a spring and the rowdiness of the inmates as i pass them to leave only makes me anxious to get out.

"Oh! thats right, thats the sweet ass of angel you should be thanking." Dione remarks loudly as we enter the lobby, the same drunken bodies cuffed the bench slump on top of each other, he speaks vibrantly over the hustle and bustle around us it almost seems to pause for a moment and I frown fully taking in his words as my eyes rest on her.

Arms wrapped tightly around herself, a hoodie draped over her torso flooded into gray sweat pants tucked into furry boots I knew she used to only walk around the house, her hair making its stance against gravity, her curls out and wild from my side of processing I can see the water droplets still glistening and I wonder how fast she rushed here.

I can feel her deep brown eyes as they scan over me, a heavy look of concern lingers there but her full lips are pursed into as thin as a line as they can, thick eyebrows furrowed and the closer I get the more I notice her arms are actually crossed, foot tapping almost comically.

Dione follow me out of processing and my body uncoils and I nod to myself, already accepting the consequences as his words soak in fully. I can barely look at Amara as I pivot Diones smirking face coming into peripheral as if hes expecting it but Im halted, cold fingers biting into my wrist as she jerks me back toward her.

"Get your ass in that fucking car." She bites out lowly, pinning me with her pooling eyes, the fluorescent lights reflect in her eyes brightly as tears gather but she doesnt let them fall. My heart bout shatters right then, all that rage burning up my blood floods to nothingness as a single tear slips down before she turns pulling me out of the police station, her blue Nissan sat out front waiting for us.

"Firefly-" I try the moment we get in the car, she cuts the engine, throwing it into gear before peeling out of the parking lot. I watch her take a shuddered breath as she shakes her head.

"Don't." I shut my mouth at the narrow, glare sent my way. "And put your goddamn seatbelt on!" I had never heard Amara yell, her voice has a natural low hum and a rasp that sent shivers up my spine, I wasnt sure if her voice had cracked or she had sobbed but I tugged the belt into place, eyeing the road and then my woman warily as my chest constricted as she sniffed. Obviously holding back tears.

"Baby, Please, just pull over." I whisper, reaching to grab her hand holding the gear shift. Theres a long stretch of silence that seems to dance miles between us and when she finally does pull over, i watch her take deep breathes, in her nose and out her mouth, eyes shut and I almost think she's forgotten im here but she squeezes me hand tightly the moment the thought begins to develop and despite the circumstances the gesture makes me want to smile, but I dont, i just squeeze back.

"You cant do that, you cant make the people who care about you worry like that. You dont get to do that to your brothers, to Bambi and not to me Hunter. You dont get to make me care about you and then do reckless shit that leads to frantic phone calls." She gasp, looking at me but there is a distant look in her eyes, it looks heavy and I want to lift it for her, to carry that weight but she says no more.

All I can do is palm her cheeks and catch her tears, with my thumbs, with my lips as I rest my forehead on hers. "Im sorry, baby." She sniffles, hands gripping my wrist as I press my lips to hers softly, her tears brushing my own cheeks. Wrapping her in my affection, pulling her into my warmth as I offer true, soft whispered words to her, this is what I can, all I can do to lift that weight until she gives me consent, her word and I'll take it all away.