The Mechanics of The Heart (Unedited)

6

Hunter Colin

Much like I knew I was going to be a mechanic, I knew my sister was going to be an artist. From the time she was a little girl Bambi had a sixth sense for art. Not only could she appreciate it in its entirely unlike most people, Bambi had raw, natural talent she contributed to the art from her studio.

It was a two story building, a large open space with marble floors and pristine white walls, empty frames and a large slab of marble jutted out the middle of the setting on a platform- to me it was simply a rock but Bambi had gushed about the stone for weeks until it came and it took all but an construction crew to get it placed, occupied the first floor and the second was an apartment used as Bambi's work studio and storage.

I found my sister on the first floor, her brown hair messed onto the top of her head in a messy bun and she sported an orange sun dress that made her pregnant stomach resemble a tangerine. Her face was almost always flushed lately, the Nevada heat was scorching making our inherited freckles stand out against our fair skin.

"Hey Bullet, whatcha got there?" With one hand I swatted at Razor who always volunteered any of his free time helping Bambi in the studio and with the other I shifted the gift basket and wildflower more securely in my grasp.

"Nothing for you- move." I snipped, but Razor was never one to take things personally. Grinning boyishly he threw his hands up in mock surrender before returning to whatever task my sister had given him.

Bambi and I have our fathers almost honey colored eyes, 'cept my sisters eyes were big and doll like, ever since she was a baby. Now those eyes were looking at me with a heavy sadness and an even heavier misunderstanding.

"Got a minute for your dumbass big brother?" I offer meekly, wincing to myself. Bambi was hardly ever upset with me- let alone angry. I learned the hard way when we were children, its best to let her cool off before attempting to reconcile- only now we were grown, her fury was much more unforgiving and letting time past was dangerous.

"I've always had time for my brother but does he have the time to spare?" Her voice is calm, too calm. She sighs deep in her chest before turning back to a line up of framed canvases on the floor, supported against the wall in front of her as she scribbled on a clip board.

The bells above the door chime and when I turn, I catch the back of Razors head as he slips out the studio. "Bam." I sigh when she doesn't look at me and move to stand next to her, looking down at the paintings with her, one is a rundown barn with a crow or raven at the top on a hillside, the other a self portrait of a man but the top portion of his head is a skull with dandelions and vines growing from it. The third piece is a woman, she looks sad, her eyes are a dark almond brown and her face it tugged downward into a frown whoever painted seemed to have swiped their hand across the paining leaving a smudge but concise image.

"What's this one called?" I squat and point to it, the white painted fabric of the girls dress looks like melted silk on a canvas.

"It's a modern rendition of the African goddess; Oshun." Bambi's tone turns passionate and awe bound.

"Its beautiful." I compliment, rising back to my feet as she snorts.

"Its worth thirty-five thousand dollars. Its prepossessing." Silent elopes us a my sister words sink in, the painting was amazing and I find myself looking at it two minutes longer before I velar my throat.

Putting my pride aside was never an issue with my sister, Bambi and I was all we had and all we've known, even before our father passed. It had always been my sister and I.

"Bambam." I nudge her shoulder with my arm, this time she looks at me. Her expression solemn and tired looking. "I cant tell you how sorry I am. I hadn't realized how caught up in myself I was that it was hurting you."

"Keys says you still have him tracking Bianca." I swallow harshly, the stem of the flowers curls on my grip. "There hasn't been a ping on any of her cards or passport, maybe she's already dead and gone Bullet, maybe its time to move on." My sister words, although meant to comfort me- would sound morbid to anyone else just listening in and it was surreal to think we were discussing our own mother, but Bambi's words did little to comfort me at all, the feeling of offense starts to stoke like a fire in my gut but I dose it.

Bambi had gone through unthinkable trauma with our mother, her coping mechanism was to act like that part of her life never existed. At first it made Bear uneasy, he'd often tell me he was waiting for her to explode, like a lit fire cracker. But much like our similar eye color, our coping was the same.
When I first got to Nevada, prospecting for the Devils Horns, I acted like my entire life before hadn't existed. Much of the reason why Bambi's appearance on my front door a few years back shocked a lot of the club.

I woke up everyday for years ignoring the sleepless nights filled with torturing memories, I ignored the guilt of leaving my sister behind, every day I carried the weight of my life prior like a tumor in my brain.

Until it felt like it was killing me slowly.

It was different for Bambi, her biggest demon lay smeared and splattered across the southern Nevada railroad route. Mine was somewhere leeching off another man fooled by her damsel in distress act, living life free and in peace.

The thought made me sick to my stomach.

"I cant Bambi, this isn't something I can move on from or let go. I've tried." I explain the best way I can, my sister doesn't look away or ask me to explain further, the layered pain in her eyes tells me her mind is reeling back everything she suffered through when I left.

"I cant live at peace knowing that she is." Is all I can offer, my throat tightens.

Bambi stares me down for a long moment before breathing deeply through her nose, blinking real slow before smiling softly at me.

"I forgive you, and I'm sorry for snapping at you. I'm not asking you to stop your entire life for me but I am your sister, I just want you to answer my phone calls- let me know you're okay." Her dainty arms wrap around my torso and I wrap my one free arm around her tightly before gently placing her gifts in her hands.

"I wont miss a call again, bam. Do you need me to help with anything while im here?'

She smiles, sweetly, wide and bright its almost sarcastic looking.
"Well, I thought you'd never ask." She pulls me toward a section of unbuilt display cases and the shelves she wants hung to put them in.

I roll my eyes playfully. "Wasn't this Razor's job?"

"Yeah but he's been at it all morning and I've got to pick up Bayou in an hour and- I don't trust him with the drill alone." She whispers the last part even though we are the only two here and I know its not out of comedic reason but because my sister genuinely doesn't want to hurt his feelings.

I bit my tongue physically restraining my self from reminding my sister, he is a biker who road name isn't from his lack of talent with a razor blade. Instead I nod, offering her a mock salute before starting to assemble the glass boxes.