The Mechanics of The Heart (Unedited)

42

Amara

If I had said anything, reported him for what he did- what they have believed me?

I learned, It's quite easy for people to take your exhaustion and misinterpreted as a cold personality.

Up until now there wasnt a time I could not being exhausted.

It took less than a week for me to feel like college wasn't for me.

I didn't wear the right clothes, didn't understand the slang, 'secluded and stand-offish' is how I remember some of my old teammates describing me. I was a scholarship kid, my books were used and I rented a laptop from the library and my dorm was never decorated with photos or sentiments of home. There was nothing I had in common with the majority population of that college than a mutual connection to him and for that they thought of me as just more of a bitch.

I was good at the work though, I enjoyed spending nights pouring over my text books. I worked my ass of during labs and was usually the first one in class and the last one out. and then I'd run until my legs felt like bags of wet sand, dragging myself to the female showers and then judging if I want to sleep with headphones or crowd Julius's space. I was happy, at least I thought I was. It a lot easier to ignore your emotion's when your constantly exhausted.

Here, under the cloudless sky's and sweltering sun of Nevada, I find myself being embraced by people my own family would turn their noses up too, despite their own neglect and negligence.

It was safe here, I had a job I actually enjoyed surrounded by people who treated me better than my own family. My sleepless nights, that used to be terror stricken were slowly, like chipping away at a sculpture by pooling hazel eyes and a smirk that could only mean mischief.

Hunter was everything his name claimed him to be, tracking eyes and a carnal smile, he was built like a hunter too. Stack with muscles that were bulged under taunt skin but he was so light on his feet, barely audible steps and I wondered if he did it on purpose. Most runners walk on their toes but Hunter walked like an apex predator on the kill.

It didnt occur to me I would feel anything but numbness with a burning, blistering layer of rage after what happened to me. Affection, attraction and lust were things I was already unfamiliar with, then I thought they had been stamped out of me forever. But with Hunter it felt like everything burned until there was nothing left but an aching need, a need for what? Affection? Mutual attraction? sex?

Nothing was clear but it didnt change the way my heart picked up pace as I thought about him, the way my lips tingled and buzzed like a beehive as I remember the way he kissed me, like he was a mad man finding sanity.

I sighed, forcing my thoughts away as a blanket of heat washed over me. Swallowing thickly I frowned at the window in my room, the sun setting quickly. My 'Nevada' phone remains silent on my bed, no messages or missed calls.

Grabbing the phone with more force than necessary I run a hand through my still damp hair. Taking a breath I try to prepare my words, Hunter was a lot better at these spontaneous calls than me. My preparation is cut short as my phone blares loudly in my hands and I jump slightly, my eyebrows drawing in at Bambi's name flashing across the screen.

"Hey Bambi, everything alright?"

"Hey, um not its not actually. Can you come up to the house?" She clears her throat, in what I assume is her attempt to clear the shakiness away. My stomach bottoms out as my mind races with scenarios.

"Yeah, ill be there in ten."

"Drive safe." I nod even if she cant see me, rushing for my keys as I yank a hoodie over my tank top, my sweatpants making a swoosh as I rush for the door. Locking the main door behind me, the heat washing over me as I speed-walk the few feet to my car I barely register the world around me.

There's a barrage of motorcycles lining the usual empty long driveway, Bambi and Bears house was tucked away in the trees, you'd be an idiot to not catch on to the 'leave me alone' vibe the outside gave, if you were an outsider you'd never know how homey and warm the inside is, nevertheless, the amount of people make me anxious.

I almost dont get out the car, I barely have it in park when the front door flies open, bouncing off the wall of the house behind it so hard I can see it rattle from here. A red faced Bambi, storming and slightly limping out of the house is followed by Bear, Razor, Marisol and Lisa. Im out the car before I know I've unclipped my seat belt.

"You've lost your goddamn mind if you think im gonna let my brother stay there over fucking night." Bambi snaps, her voice laced with a iciness that pellets a chill even down my spine. I gulp shutting my car door as I move towards Bambi's war path, my anxiety breathing down my neck.

My mouth opens but the words die on my tongue, Bambi turns as if she knew I was there. Tears swelling in her eyes.

"Amara-"
"Bambi you can't, i-its club business." I glance at Lisa as she seems almost hesitant to say the words and I step back at the sharp pinch in my chest as she avoids my gaze. Bambi's glare, if possible intensifies.

"and if this was Tennessee? Or Chief? Dont act like you werent given old lady privileges long before you were one simply because those men love you." Her word layer a blanket of silence and she huffs shaking her head before turning to me, my head still spinning on the insulation of her words.