Struck by you [a Roman Reigns story]

14 Pain

Roman POV

The doctor's words echoed in my head as I stood there frozen. Cassia pulled her hand away from mine and covered her face with it as she began to cry. I took a deep breath, unable to think or accept what was happening.

I function only on instinct. Nothing was a clear decision. Slowly I leaned down so I could pull Cassia into my arms. She sat up before wrapping her arms tightly around my neck. Burying her face against my shoulder, her whole body was shaken by violent sobs.

I would have liked to say something. But I didn't know what. What could I have said to make this situation better? Nothing... absolutely nothing could give us comfort in this situation. I felt tears running down my cheeks as I held my girlfriend in my arms. And our baby. The baby we had both been looking forward to so much, despite everything. Now we would never get to know it.

I had no idea how long we just held each other, but finally Cassia broke away from me before looking deep into my eyes. Her expression mirrored mine. Grief and loss was all that was left.

"I'm very sorry. And I know it's hard. But we need to talk about next steps. First, I want to clarify something that I know is on your mind, Miss Hall.... These things just happen. There's no reason or explanation. It's not something you did or didn't do.

Well, uh... Your baby stopped developing about two weeks ago. We call this a missed miscarriage. We now have 3 ways to manage it. The first way is to let nature take its course. It may take a few days to weeks for your body to terminate the pregnancy. We would give you antibiotics to prevent an infection.

Then there is the possibility to induce the miscarriage by medical management. This means that you will receive a pill or a vaginal tablet. This causes contractions of the uterus, similar to real labor.

And then there's surgical management. You would get an anesthetic, either local or general. Then, during the procedure, your cervix will be dilated so that a small tube can be inserted to suction out the tissue and remnants of the pregnancy," the doctor explained to us.

And one option sounded worse than the other. Still I was not able to say anything. I just stood there and rubbed Cassia's back.

"Do I... Do I have to decide this now?" she whispered, but didn't look at the doctor. 

Her eyes were still fixed on me. The tears wouldn't stop and I wasn't sure they ever would.

"No, Miss Hall. You don't have to. We can wait. And maybe it will happen on its own after all. I'll write you a prescription for the antibiotics and then I'll give you a pamphlet to take with you. It explains everything you need to know. With benefits and risks and what to expect. Again... I am incredibly sorry for your loss. I'll be right back," he replied.

"My baby... why?" cried Cassia as soon as the door closed.

She put her hands on her stomach as she was shaken by sob after sob.

"I'm so sorry, Roman. This is my fault. It has to be. I did something wrong!" she cried.

"No, Cassia. You didn't. It's no one's fault. It just happened." I said in a breaking voice.

I wanted to soothe her somehow, but I knew that no matter what I said, it wouldn't make a difference.

"Our little baby... You were so excited and now it's gone. And now you're going to leave me too." She whispered so softly that it was hard for me to understand her.

"Hey, hey, hey... You're not going to lose me! You hear me? I'm not going anywhere! You're a part of me. I'm not letting you go!" I promised her before hugging her tightly.

Again, I took a deep breath. Grief was about to overwhelm me, but there was time for that later. Now I had to be strong until I could bring Cassia home.

Fortunately, it was not long before the doctor returned. He handed me the things before expressing his condolences once again and said to let him know what decision we came to or if we have any questions.

Cassia stood up mechanically. I put an arm around her middle and escorted her out of the room and to the car. Neither of us said a word. The silence was almost suffocating. And then, just as we were getting into the car, it began to rain. Or rather, it began to pour. The dark clouds were towering and the wind was blowing hard as we were on our way home. Flashes of lightning lit up the sky again and again just before loud thunder rumbled. 

When we finally arrived home, I took Cassia straight to bed. I pulled her to my chest and let her cry. It was the best thing to do at the moment to let all the feelings out. Now I could do just that as well. As I held her like this, she clung to me like a life preserver.

How I would have loved to take this pain away from both of us.... I would have given anything to turn back the clock. Life was cruel and now it was hard for me to see any sense in it.