Struck by you [a Roman Reigns story]

15 A spark of hope

Cassia POV

Never in my life have I cried so much as in the last few days. And I don't think I will ever cry that much again. My eyes were red and puffy as I tried to understand what had happened. At the same time I tried to accept that it was not my fault. That things like this just happened. But I couldn't. Why did we do to get hurt so much?

Every time I looked at Roman it was like another knife in my already broken heart. Though he tried to hide it, to be strong for me, he didn't succeed any more than I did.

My whole body ached as I sat on the bathroom floor. Roman had his arm around my shoulders while we both stared at what I was holding wrapped in a cloth. Our baby...so small.... just the size of a strawberry.... But it was all there. The tiny hands and feet. Every detail burned itself into my memory.

Love and pain were there in equal parts. And although I had been able to prepare myself for what to expect over the last few days, it had not been enough. Nothing would ever have been enough.

Nevertheless, I was grateful that we were given these precious moments with our baby. Without bleeding and without any pain, we could say goodbye. That had also been the reason why we had decided to wait until it happened on its own. At home. We both felt that it would help us process the whole thing. Also, we would be able to keep the baby with us. The last thing I wanted was for my little darling to end up in medical waste.

I couldn't bear that. And now that it was truly over, we could find a nice place for the baby. Under one of the big trees, among the beautiful flowers so that we would always have a place to remember the short time we had together.

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Roman POV

How could it already be a week? A week had passed since we lost the baby. I wandered aimlessly through the house and out into the garden. Well, more or less aimlessly. My steps led me again and again to the same place. And as expected, that was also the place where I found Cassia.

"How do you feel?" I asked as I put my arms around her middle from behind and pressed a kiss on her hair.

"Empty... Hurt...confused... take your pick. What about you?" she replied softly as she leaned against me.

"About the same." I admitted with a deep sigh.

"Listen.... I've been thinking... and I figure it would.... maybe... be good if I went back to Orlando. I'm not sure we have a reason to live together anymore. Maybe it will make things easier...." Cassia said softly.

"Do you really want this or do you think I don't want you here anymore?" I asked.

"Honestly? I don't know what to think.... I don't know anything anymore... I feel so lost. I loved this baby. I was so looking forward to becoming a mommy, even though it was really just an accident. Now I feel like I'm falling." She whispered.

"I know what you mean. But I assure you that I am with you and neither of us is going anywhere. I want you to move in with me completely, Cassia. I need you. And you need me. Because I love you." I replied after carefully turning her around to face me.

"I'm glad you feel that way... because I love you too, Roman." she replied softly. 

Cassia lifted her hands and placed them on my cheeks. Pain was still written on her face, but this time there was something else. A spark of hope. She reached out to me. I kissed her with so much love and at the same time knowing that we still had each other. And then there was the comforting thought that our baby was now an angel watching over us.