Adopted By Hamilton

Chapter 5. What's Your Name

Sam's POV

Lights blinded my eyes as they opened. The sound of a steady beep filled my ears, and the feeling of an IV in my arm was prevalent. I sat up all the way and took in my surroundings. I was in a hospital. How did I get here?

All of a sudden, I heard the door open. I turned to look and saw two doctors come in, one man and one woman. "Hello, I am doctor Kade Paige." The man said this while putting on gloves. "I'm doctor Makenzie Kelm." The woman said she copied the man. "How did I get here?" I cut to the chase and asked. "Well, do you know a man named Lin?" Doctor Kade asked me. "Yeah, we met on the subway yesterday." I said I was still confused. "Well, he found you passed out in the park and called 911." Oh, why would an absolute stranger care so much?

"What's your name?" Doctor Kelm asked me. "Samuel." I answered plainly. "Your legal name." She prompted me. My breath caught in my throat. They know. Of course they know; they are doctors. "I- I." I was speechless. I couldn't get out a word. I just sat there looking stupid. "Hey, Kelm. Let me talk to him, guy to guy." Dr. Kade looked at me and smiled. I examined his face, and then it hit me: he's like me—at least I think so.

Dr. Kelm left the room, and Dr. Kade pulled up a chair and sat next to me. "Hey," he said, smiling. "Hi." I replied back. "Tell me how you got into this situation." Dr. Kade prompted me. I felt comfortable enough to tell him a little bit.
"I was at school, and I was okay until everyone came into the classroom. I studied my hands, and I just had a bunch of memories rush back to me." I stopped as I remembered what I was thinking about at that moment. "I guess I had an anxiety attack or something. I ran out of the room and just kept running. Now I'm here." Dr. Kade nodded. "Can I ask you what you were thinking about that made you have this attack?" The breath caught in my throat once again. I can't say it. Why can't I say it? My heart raced, and it reflected in the heart monitor beeping a little quicker. "I-I"— I didn't know what to say. "If it is something that regards your safety, I need to know." Dr. Kade put his hand on my leg. I cringed at his touch. "I want you to know that this is a safe space."

MILD TRIGGER WARNING

I started to cry. Crying because I needed to. I was crying because all of the memories hit me like they never had before. And that's when it all came out in a word vomit: "He raped me, and they kicked me out for being trans, and I have no where to go. Please don't send me to foster care." I sobbed in the doctor's arms. I let everything out. I was hurting, and things felt worse than they ever had.

After I calmed down a little bit, I looked at my hands. Dr. Kade saw me and put their hands over mine to cover them. "I want you to know that I am so proud of you that you told me those things, and you are not alone by any means." I nodded and looked at him.
"Hey, tell me about where you live." Dr. Kade asked me. "I live... well, I used to live in Washington Heights with my mom and dad. They weren't the greatest. My mom would hurt me if I did anything wrong, and my dad is an alcoholic." I paused for a second to regain my composure. "My dad is from Puerto Rico, and my mom is American." I switched the topic slightly.
"Do you speak Spanish?" Dr. Kade asked. "Si." I smiled a little bit at bilingualism. "Can I ask you a question?" I asked Dr. Kade, trying to change the subject. "If I get to ask you one." I sighed. "Okay." I see the doctor in front of me smile. "How did you know, like, you were trans?" My face went red; I could feel it.

"I kind of just knew. I never felt like the other girls at school. I always did more masculine things. When I figured out what trans meant, it just felt right." I nodded. "That's how I feel too." I told him, and he nodded and smiled at me.
"Can I ask you my question now?" I nod. "How come you don't want me to know your legal name?" I stopped. Just tell him, I thought to myself. "I just don't like to associate myself with that name. Like that person who was hurt and is broken, I don't want to be that person." Dr. Kade looked at me with sympathy. "I get it; I do. When I started my transition, I hated my dead name. I would get really mad at anyone who would use it. But when you learn that you are still the same person, you just grow from that. You have grown from that hurt."
Dr. Kade's words hit me. I knew that they needed to know my legal name, but I hated it. "Fine, it's—" I contemplated it for a second. "Sofia Luz Alverez." I put my head down. I couldn't stand that name. That person was hurt. I was strong. I was her protector. I am not her.

"I am so proud of you for telling me that. It takes a lot to tell someone your dead name who you just met." I nodded, still looking down. "If I do get placed in foster care, I don't want them to know." There was a very big chance I would be in the system after this. "I will try my hardest to make sure that happens." Dr. Kade reassured me.

"I will have to do a few exams and test on you, if that's okay?" Dr. Kade changed the subject, which I was glad for. I nodded. "That's fine." I said, looking back down.
Dr. Kade looked down at his pager on the waist band of his hip and pressed a few buttons on it. I guess to page a doctor to my room. "I just paged a gynecologist and I am going to have her examine you if it is okay with you."

A vaginal exam?  I stopped for a second. Why did they need to? "Why do you need to?" I asked the doctor. "We don't have to if you don't want to. But if you ever think about taking the rape case to court, you will have medical evidence to prove it. But it is purely up to you."

I sighed, but I knew he was right. "You can do the exam." The words came out barely as a whisper. "Are you sure?" I nodded. "I'm sure."

About five minutes later, a doctor walked in. "Hello, I am Doctor Rodgers, and I will be doing your exam." She smiled at me, and I smiled back. "I'm guessing this is your first time?" I nod. "Okay, I'm going to have you lay back for me."
I didn't really pay attention to the rest of it. I just felt pressure on my lower half, and I zoned out. "Okay, you are all done. I will have Dr. Kade take it from here." And with that, the gynecologist walked out of the room.

"Are you okay?" Dr. Kade asked. "Yeah, I'm just thinking." I heard the doctor sigh. "Okay, I still have a few tests you need to do." I nod. I am so tired, I want to go to sleep. "I am going to draw some blood, and you need to pee in a cup for me. Does that sound okay?" I was scared of needles but they already had the IV in me. "Yeah that's fine."

After everything I was exhausted. He tested the urine sample and I wasn't pregnant, which was good. He said there was no way I was pregnant anyways. I don't know what that means but okay. They also got the blood results back and I was fine. They did that to test for HIV I guess. I don't have it, thank god.

I grab my phone from the side of my bed and look at the time. 11:30pm. I'm so tired but my brain won't shut off. Gender dysphoria is real right now. I don't have my binder, my hair is a mess and I need it cut. Even though I have a smaller chest, it still feels like shit.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Who would be here late at night? The door slowly creaked open and a man who I recognized came in. Lin?

Don't forget to vote and comment and suggestions you may have.- Samuel Blu🩵

Word count: 1491