On and Off the Track

T H I R T Y E I G H T.

A couple hours later, we arrived at the house. I went straight to unpack while Mila went to go see her family. I had invited Charles round later this evening and until he arrived I spent the entire time pacing around the house, picking up and putting down things just to pass time. I was relieved when he finally came but I could instantly tell something was wrong as soon as he stepped through the door. No, I could tell something was wrong just by the way he knocked the door, I had no need to see him to know something was wrong. I breathed in his cologne as he walked past, that smell was very quickly becoming my favourite. It hadn't trumped the smell of lavender yet, just yet. I read somewhere that people who smell lavender are happier than those who don't. I'm sure there is a more obvious reason than it is the smell of lavender that is the cause of their happiness. But regardless I kept that fact close to my heart and from that moment lavender was my favourite smell.
"You okay?" I asked while I closed the door watching him go to sit down on the sofa.
"Yeah" his voice was laboured, blanketed in a heavy sigh. I moved quickly over towards him. Placing myself beside him on the couch. He sat rigidly next to me while my legs curled up on the sofa, my head resting on his shoulder.
"You sure, Charles I know something is wrong" he sighed again, my head moving up with his chest. He didn't respond to me, so after a while I picked my head up and looked him in the eyes. They looked so tired they could barely muster up a single ounce of strength to stay open. He moved his focus to the wall, no longer looking me in the eyes. He leans back a little, a single sigh escaping his lips.
"Sometimes it just doesn't feel worth it"
"What?" I asked softly, sitting up slightly straighter and with a lot more attention.
"This. All of this. The races, the media, this life" he looked back over to me, lifting his head up as our eyes locked.
"What happened?" I traced shapes on his arm with my fingers in an attempt to comfort him. I can't lie, the way he was wording this was scaring me a little. I tried to not let it show too much on my face but I knew he could see it.
"Nothing happened," he took another deep breath, resting his head on the back of the couch again, staring up at the ceiling. I stayed quiet, unsure of what to say. "I don't know, I'm just tired of this"
"Tired of what?" my head went back to resting on his shoulder. I smiled when I felt his lips kiss the top of my head, his hands sliding round the back of my waist. With one swift movement he pulled me onto his lap.
"Not being able to be seen with you. Not being able to take you on a proper date. I'm tired of not being able to tell the whole world your mine." His expression was serious and annoyed when he spoke but it softened as soon as he looked back at me. I liked that. I liked how the way he looked at me was different from how he looked at everyone else. Suppressing a shiver, I said,
"Stop looking at me like that"
"Like what" he asked, his voice low and teasing.
"Like you are undressing me with your eyes." he carried on looking at me that way until I couldn't physically handle it any more. I buried my face in his shoulder as he held onto me, covering my head in his kisses. Finally when I thought there wasn't a single part of my face he hadn't kissed, I pulled back.
"We will" I said
"We will what?"
"We will go out soon, in public" I watched his smile grow on his face, fading just as quick though.
"When is soon thought Bronte"
"Soon"
"That's helpful," he remarked sarcastically.
"I promise you it's soon" I tried to reassure him but sadly I didn't do the best job at it. I stepped off his lap, his hand holding onto my waist for as long as they could. I sorted out my top which had been messed up with me sitting on his lap. "Why don't you come to the dinner" I asked. It was a good chance for him to meet my parents properly. Maybe they would be more understanding. He stood up quickly, exposing his annoyance over my comment with the aggression he straightened out his top. "What, it might be good."
"Are you totally forgetting what happened at the last dinner I went to that your parents attended"
"Obviously I do, it was hard to forget." I scoffed.
"Okay, so that's my point exactly. Your parents most definitely do not want me there."
"Charles, trust me on this. They do"
"Why, why on earth would they want to see me again"
"Because they would probably agree with what you did" His face turned to confusion, "I told them about what Lando did, believe me they like him no more then you do"
"I don't think that's possible," he huffed. I rolled my eyes, he was always so competitive, it was almost amusing.
"Anyways, what i'm trying to say is that they don't see you in a negative light. So this would be a good opportunity to make a good impression" I raised my eyebrows, waiting for his response.
"Okay fine. Does this mean you are going to the race?" he asked. He had so much excitement in his voice I felt so bad telling him no. It honestly felt like telling a kid Santa doesn't exist.
"No I don't think so," his face dropping instantly, "but I will be watching you on the tv"
"It's not the same, I want to see you when I'm there, you are my good luck charm remember" I rolled my eyes at his reference to the start of this whole issue with him and Lando and my parents for that matter.
"We both know you need no luck to win, you win on your own"
"I guess you are right B" I moved towards him, wrapping my arms around the back of his neck. My body curving into his.
"You have always been so modest" both of us laughing at my sarcasm.
"So how come Mila is still going to the race, if you aren't" my jaw dropped in shock, he knew about Mila and Pierre before and better than I did. I was gobsmacked.
"You knew" my tone furious that this secret was kept from me for so long,
"Of course I knew, Pierre had been obsessed with her since she started coming to the paddock with you"
"Wait really?" my voice changed from fury to a complete dream-like state. I tried my best not to coo too much over them.
"Yeah, wait, when did you find out?" Charles' face showed how shocked he was that I was so uninformed of this situation.
"Just last night, I don't know how I didn't see it"
"Yeah, they did make it pretty obvious. I had it all figured out in Saudi"
"Saudi?! They didn't even talk to each other until Australia"
"Wow you really were blind weren't you. They really made no attempt to hide it either." he taunted. I rolled my eyes and punched his shoulder, not sure who I was more annoyed at. Him for being so observant and seeing it before they even did or me for being so blind I didn't find out until four months later.
"I cant believe that"
"Believe what, Pierre and Mila?'
"No, I can believe that. I just can't believe you were that observant"
"What can I say, full of surprises. Also Pierre turns into a bumbling mess whenever he likes someone. So that was quite an obvious hint"
"Did you notice me"
"Of course I did Bronte, how could I not." I smiled in response. However it dropped once I realised he wasn't, "but I couldn't, you weren't mine. You weren't the one I was supposed to be looking at. Charlotte was." I stared down at the floor, chewing my lip as an awkward tension settled above our heads.
"What happened between you two?" my voice timid, I still was unsure if I wanted to even ask the question while I was asking it.
"Just fell out of love" we stood in a stare off until I finally accepted his answer. Breaking it as I glanced across the room. "What even happened between you and Lando?" I leaned back, almost stepping out of his grasp.
"What do you mean, he cheated. You knew that already?" I scrunched my face in confusion.
"Yeah I knew that, but what really happened between you guys. Did you love him?"
"I think I did. I'm too young to know what love really is. But yeah I did"
"Did he love you?" I swallowed a lump the size of a mountain down my throat.
"Sometimes" I held back the tears that started brewing in my eyes as I felt his arms pull my head into his chest. We stayed like that for what felt like an eternity. Feeling his breath travel down my neck took away my brewing tears.
"I will always want you. Even when I couldn't have you, forced myself to try and not. I wanted you" his thumb traced down the side of my face to my chin, softly lifting my face up to look at him. He is so..., so horribly inhumanly perfect that I feel like I couldn't breathe.

My trance is interrupted with the sound of the door being opened. We both watch Mila open the door, smile at us as she drops her keys and walks to the bedroom, both of us remaining silent. Frozen in time.
"I still can't believe you knew about them before me" I say once she is out of sight.
"She just came back from seeing him." my mouth falls open. I close my eyes in on him, trying to see if he was joking or not. His face doesn't move. Not one bit.
"You have to be joking, she said she went to see her family"
"Yeah she did. But for like half an hour. Then went to go see him" my jaw continues to open more and more with the more information he is revealing.
"How do you know more about my best friend than I do" I crossed my arms as I scowled in annoyance. "Mila, get in here now" I shouted down the corridor. I tightened my arms across my body and tapped my foot while I waited. Charles stood opposite me laughing at me while I waited.
"You look like a parent who is about to ground their kid, B relax she is a grown woman" I responded by rolling my eyes.
"Who did you just go see?" I asked Mila as she entered the room. Instantly, she shot a look at Charles, from the other side of the room.
"You told her?!" Mila shouted at Charles.
"You didn't tell her. I thought she knew"
"I was planning on telling her" mila responded, whining like a child.
"Honestly Mila I feel betrayed" making a joke out of the situation.
"You are so dramatic B" Mila said as she moved around to sit on the sofa. I slumped down next to her. Both of us looked up at Charles.
"I think the real betrayer is standing right infront of us, mila" I joked.
"I think you are right. He told you, betraying me. But also betrayed you by only telling you because he thought you knew" Mila added. We crossed our arms simultaneously, both of us chewing our lips to stop ourselves from smiling.
"You two are insane" Charles laughed.
"It comes part of the duo. You can't have Mila and Bronte without a little bit of crazy" I joked. Charles looked across at the clock.
"Shit I have to go. I need to be at the track for analysis" He strolled over and pecked my lips through my smile. I chuckled as I watched Mila act out a gag as he did so.
"Bye Charles" she shouted as he left the house.