On and Off the Track

F O R T Y T W O.

15th of July

I slept over 14 hours last night, falling asleep at 8pm and waking up at 10 this morning. Even with that amount of sleep I still felt exhausted, I was tired with emotion. I gazed out my window, watching the world drift by, not truly seeing anything as my mind was too tired to acknowledge what I was seeing. The view through my window was of the sea, all you could see for miles was a stretch of yachts and sailboats all going out for their morning sail. Just as I watched another boat sail gracefully from one side of my window to the other, Mila came bursting through my door. Her already wide eyes grew into larger circles, the ache at the bottom of my stomach instantly telling me that something was wrong.
'Have you looked at your phone this morning?' Her voice was shaky and panicked. That is not the first thing you want to hear in the morning. My stomach clenched as I sat upright in bed, all the colour had drained from my face.
'No I haven't, what is it' my eyes darted around manically, desperately looking for my phone. I felt a thud on the duvet, my attention jolting towards the movement. It was Mila's phone which she had thrown towards me. It landed upright and I instantly recognised what was on the screen. A tweet. A tweet is never a good thing in my life. It always meant drama. I couldn't quite make out the photo, until I picked up the phone. My mouth dropped and I felt sick. My eye blinked rapidly as I tried to process what I had just seen

'This is bad' I finally said, the words coming out my mouth muffled as my hand was pinned to my mouth. How did they even find us there, it was a random pier miles away from the centre of the city. You had to be looking for us to take this photo. And nobody knew about this, I only told Mila and Elvire. That's it.
'It's really bad B.' Her tone was disappointed and her demeanour had calmed down, she now leant against my wall, her arms crossed over her body. She must have gathered herself as I was staring at the phone blankly for what felt like years.
'Maybe it will be fine, you can't even see that it is us in the photo'' I tried to sound confident but my words were rushed revealing my anxiety.
'You are joking right, an idiot can tell that it is you two in the photo, and regardless it's already gone viral. Everyone has seen it.' I scrolled down through her feed, post after post was about me and lando and conspiracies people were making, each one having tens of thousands of likes and comments. Mila was right, everyone has seen this. Suddenly I realised what that means. It means Charles had seen it, and I never explained to him why I was going to see him and what we talked about. 
'Shit, this is... shit' my breath was caught in my throat. 'I never told Charles I was seeing him'
'Are you serious B?' Mila was angry. Angry at me for acting before I think again. She spoke quietly, but her words had more aggression than if she would have shouted then, making it even scarier. I ran my fingers through my hair, my skin was pickily and hot. I fucked up. I fucked up big time. 'B what were you thinking'
'I wasn't. I fucked up'
'You sure did.' I was taken aback by her comment. It was harsh and mean. Out of everyone she would be the one to know that I never meant for this to happen. And there was no malice in what I was doing.
'That was mean mila'
'It's the truth. I'm tired of you forgetting other people have feelings.' I scoured at her words, my body jolting back in a flash of anger.
'What's that supposed to mean'
'You know exactly what I mean' mila took a step towards the door. She threw her hands up in the air signalling she was done with the conversation. I however was definitely not, I had to know what she meant by that.
'You aren't leaving until you tell me what you mean by that' I watch mila physically bite her tongue to stop her from saying what she wanted to say. With a massive sigh and a roll of her eyes she turned around and walked out my bedroom and towards the kitchen. I slammed open my duvet and lept out of bed to follow her. My footsteps pounding along the floor. 'Mila. You can't leave after just dropping that bomb' at this point she was already at the door and I was standing by the island, rage bubbling in my veins.
'Bronte just leave it.'
'No I'm not. Say what you mean.' Mila marched across to the opposite side of the island. My eyes tracked her movement as I wrapped my arms across my body and huffed
'Fine. I will. When you set your mind on something you have no regard for anyone else's feelings. You do what you please with no regard to how it might affect others. You say you hate your parents but you are exactly like them'
'What does that mean'
'I mean exactly what I said. When you were with Lando, all you did was flirt with Charles. And now you are with Charles, you completely ignored his existence and went to Lando. You can't be doing that, that is mean'
'When did I ever flirt with Charles when I was with lando.' A sharp laugh left her lips.
'You have to be joking. You aren't stupid or that naive. I saw it, you two were also eye fucking each other.'
'That's totally unfair mila. I was completely loyal to lando'
'Physically loyal yes but towards the end I don't think you were entirely mentally loyal'
'What the fuck does mentally loyal mean.'
'You know exactly what I mean' both of us now we're about to burst with anger. My hands were gripping onto the counter top. Never once have I ever felt so hurt by mila. She knew how hard I tried to salvage Lando and I's relationship, how hard I fought for us. She also knew that the only reason I went to see Lando was to clear the air and finally be able to be something with Charles.
'I only went to see lando so Charles and I could finally have a proper relationship'
'Why? you don't owe lando anything.'
'Mila I do he was my boyfriend for 6 years'
'You are using that as an excuse. You are never completely happy when you are with one person, you are always trying to perfect it or look for better.' Now that was mean. Her words cause tears to pinch at my eyes. This was my person, the only true friend I have had for my entire life. She had been there for me through everything and this is what she thought of me. She knew exactly how to make me upset and she was doing a really good job of it right now. And what I said next was something I would reject for the rest of my life. As soon as I said it I wished I could have taken it back.
'Don't really think you out of everyone should be offering relationship advice' my lips twisted as I narrowed my eyes
'Now what the fuck is that meant to mean'
'None of your relationship every last past three months. You get scared, make a bullshit excuse for why it didn't work out and then leave. Then seconds later you are with a new boy. I wouldn't be surprised if it happens with Pierre too' I hissed through my teeth.
'Now that was mean' I watched Mila begin to cry, single tears falling from her eyes. She turned around and walked out the door. The sound of the door slamming echoed through my apartment until it left me alone in complete silence. I stormed back to my bedroom and grabbed my phone. My foot tapped anxiously on the floor as I waited for Charles to pick up the phone. Hearing each ring and then finally his ring tone made me finally burst. I sighed heavily, my head dropping to the ground. I called again, and again, and again. Each time no answer, each time more tears welled in my eyes. My cuffs were now wet with tears as I went to wipe my nose another time. Never once had Mila and I ever had a proper argument, it was always bickers that you would have with a sibling. Never once did we ever say anything hurtful. And now Charles wasn't talking to me. I had now lost the two people in my life that I cared the most about.

My mind was cloudy with emotions as I knocked on Charles' door. I could hear shuffling from the other side, I knew someone was in there.
'Charles please just let me explain.' I choked on my words as I begged him to just open the door. When I finally heard the door start to unlock, my back jolted upright. I knew I looked a mess, I was still wearing my pyjamas and my eyes were puffy and red, but seeing him standing there was all that I was focused on. 'Please just let me in so we can talk about this'
'I don't know. I'm tired of all these games' he looked so tired and fed up it broke me even more.
'It wasn't what it looked like. I went to lando to clear the air. I was going to tell you, I promised. I just didn't know how. It didn't feel right doing it on the phone. I never meant for it to get out. I was planning on talking to you about it today.' I was rambling, words were just falling out my mouth as I tried to hold back my tears.
'Would you have told me though? As it just seems to me that you are only telling me because it got out'
'No that's the opposite of what I wanted to happen. I was always going to tell you. Lando and I spoke about us. We cleared the air. Me and you can be together'
'Why was that lando decision? Why couldn't we just be together. Why did you have to ask for his permission?' it was annoying me how people were just forgetting me and lando spent six years of our lives together. Regardless of how we were towards the end he was still one of my closest friends and I loved him. I wasn't going to hurt him just because he hurt me.
'I never was asking for his permission. I was giving him warning'
'Warning? You gave him a warning.'  I knew instantly that was definitely the wrong way to say it.
'I didn't mean warning. I meant...'
'That's exactly what you said. I'm done, you aren't worth it, these games are exhausting. I'm not being in a relationship with someone who puts their ex's feelings above mine' he interrupted. His jaw clenched with disgust.
'Are you kidding me, you are ending it over this.' I looked into his eyes trying to find some sort of care toward me left in them. I found nothing. His eyes were blank. His face and body were completely emotionless.
'Just leave it. I'm tired of the games now'
'What games?' My voice is rising in frustration. But he shut the door before I even had time to finish my sentence, leaving me crying in the hallway. The world turned into white noise, my thoughts were too loud to hear anything. Was that how we would end? Just like that, no argument, no fight, just a door to the face.

————x
A/n
May just me, but as I was writing this Bronte annoyed me.
Don't worry her and Charles will be end game.