On and Off the Track

F O R T Y E I G H T.

Saturday 23nd of July.

The Friday practices went okay, but not brilliant. The McLaren car suited this track with its long straights. But Charles didnt let that get to him, when I met him for lunch he spent the entirety of it talking about the car. I didn't mind one bit. I found it sweet watching the way his face lit up talking about it and how enthusiastic he was about everything. I found myself smiling at everything he said, in a trance just watching him speak about something he loves. When we arrived at the track on Friday, the crowds were huge and loud. And only got louder when they watched us arrive together, all shouting for autographs or photos. I waited chatting to Joris and Andrea, Charles' trainer, while Charles finished up. The crowds all said nice things about us, saying how we looked cute together and they were happy for us. A drastic contrast to what was being said online. Photos from us being at the restaurant were posted yesterday and peoples comments only got meaner. Charles caught me looking through them in the morning. His reaction was to snatch the phone out of my hand and put it in his bag so I couldn't get to it. While telling me I was in a time out until he could trust me again. To which I responded with an eye roll. While Charles was in practice I caught up with emails and work, helping Emily decide which jobs I was going to do and which ones I was going to cancel. I did open up to Emily and explain to her how I like the thought of having a more open schedule. Emily of all people knew how busy my workload has always been and from what a young age I started working. She even said she was surprised I didn't do this sooner.

I was slightly more open towards fans this morning, helping them get autographs of charles and even taking photos with a few of them. I don't know what happened but I suddenly realised whatever I did I would get hate for. Charles instantly recognised this new mindset, saying to me 'you look happier in the paddock now, I like it' once we got through the barriers. I was waiting in the paddock for qualifying to start. I found it fascinating watching the garage work and how differently they did things compared to McLaren. Joris strolled over towards me after taking a couple photos of charles.
'How the paddock life treating you'
'Its fine, finally starting to feel more comfortable here'
'Yeah that's understandable. Charles is in the zone. Qualifying should be good'
'I hope so, I want him to do well'
'Yeah, that's one flaw of Charles, he acts like the sky is falling if something goes wrong'
'I noticed that' I had flashbacks to when Lando caused Charles to DNF. He was not happy and he didn't care who knew. We put on our headsets once we heard charles' engine switch on. Watching him pull out of that garage brought back the butterflies I was oh too familiar with when I used to watch lando race. That buzz feeling which made my hair stand up and my nerves to all tingle. I missed the joy I got from the communal energy that the garages produced. Don't get me wrong I liked watching from the stands but being in the garage amongst the team was another level. My attention was glued to the screen, watching all the cars set their times, I didn't even notice the camera that was focused on me. I felt Joris nudge my body, moving my attention away from qualifying to the camera. I expected it to move away from me quickly but it stayed panned on us. I tried to focus back on qualifying but the camera didn't move, finally I decided to cave and gave the camera a quick wave and a smile. Charles made it out of Q1, but wasn't as fast as he liked or could be. I could hear through the radio that they were having trouble bringing the tires up to temperature, resulting in him barely making it through.
'He should be fine,' Joris commented as Charles left the garage once again after the break.
'Still makes me nervous' I said through a breathy laugh.

I watched the red car fly around the third to last corner. Charles was setting an amazing lap time with two purple sectors. Something changed from the previous Q1 and the car was looking amazing. I could hardly contain my happiness as I watched him come round the penultimate corner. I kept shifting from one foot to another, my fingers incessantly twirling a strand of hair. The very act of watching was hurting my eyes, and my heart was still threatening to burst forth from my ribcage. Then out of nowhere, his car became a spinning blur into the gravel. Time seemed to stretch and warp, every second an eternity as the car spinned. I blinked, once, twice, but the scene before me didn't make sense. The car was placed perfectly, it made no sense for him to lose control. The impact had crumpled the car like a piece of paper as shards of metal sparkled in the air, suspended for a moment before raining down. My hand flew to my mouth, muffling an involuntary gasp. Shock stole the air from my lungs leaving me breathless. In the deafening silence that followed, I became acutely aware of the ringing in my ears. Neither Joris nor I moved a muscle. He could hear his own heartbeat, he could even hear my nervous breaths. The whole track went silent and time seemed to slow, a simultaneous sigh of relief washed over everyone as we watched him step out of the car.
'He's okay Bronte. He's just got out of the car' joris said, his words falling out of his mouth in a panic. I just stared with wide open eyes which refused to shut. 'Bronte he's okay, he's going to be checked out by the medics now, i'll take you to his driver room we can stay in there' my feet were glued to the floor and only moved when Joris grabbed my shoulders and guided me to his room. Joris paced back and forth the room while I sat down on the couch, my legs refusing to hold me for any longer. My hand was clutched to my chest as I tried to steady my breathing. I kept my eyes pinned to the floor knowing if I looked up tears would fall. It felt like years had passed until he came through the door. I lunged forward, wrapping my arms tightly around him, tears rolled down my cheeks as I sunk my head into his chest. He cupped the back of my head and somehow brought me closer. I could hear his heartbeat, a soothing, steady rhythm that calmed my nerves.
'Don't you ever do that again.' I sniffed between words.
'Im okay Bronte,' his hands cupped either side of my face, pulling my head up to face him. My eyes were cloudy with tears as I looked up through my lashes. He kisses forehead. The kiss is the sweetest thing in the world. We stood a foot apart, unable to completely let go.
'You okay, what happened?' Joris asked.
'Honestly I have no idea, I need to speak to the team.'
'Have the medics cleared you' I was still in too much shock to speak, my tired eyes watching their exchange
'Yeah, I will have to be checked out tomorrow to make sure im safe to race but I am fine'
'Charles I'm so sorry to do this but you need to go to the media pen for interviews.' Mia said from the corner of the room, she felt genuinely bad for forcing him to do this. It was the last thing anyone wanted to do. I looked away, the side of my body still glued to his, but not before he caught the flicker of longing in my eyes.
'You should go' I said, my voice barely above a whisper. But my hand lingered on his arm, a silent plea for him to stay.
'I'll be back soon' I nodded my head.

My phone pinged with Mila's text saying meet her outside. I fell into her arms as soon as I saw her
'Oh B, I was so worried for you, are you okay'
'I'm just in so much shock. I was so scared'
'I'm so sorry B. Is he okay?'
'He's been cleared by the medics, but he has to be checked again tomorrow morning.' Mila went to hug me again. Both of our attention was grabbed by Charles appearing on the big screen for his interview.
'First of how are you, I know you've been checked by the doctors.' the interview asked
'Yeah, i've been better but I'm good. Just sore obviously it was a big impact and my body was just thrown around quite a bit. But I'm all good and just ready to race tomorrow and get back on track as it didn't end the way I wanted it to' my eyes crinkled as I watched him. He still managed to put on a happy face.
'You just got through to Q2 and were seen having problems with the car in Q1. But was seen to be the fastest in Q2, producing two purple sectors. Was the issues in Q1 related to the crash or were these separate issues. Just talk us through what happened in that moment'
'Yeah, in Q1 we just struggled to get the tires up to temp but Q2 looked good. Like you said the car was good and everything was going well. I need to check with the team to see what happened. I just feel bad as we could have got pole but I've now given the team a lot of work to do and probably a very late night. But there's not a lot I can do at this moment'
'And finally there is a Grand Prix to have tomorrow and you don't know where you are starting tomorrow, whether that be the pitlane or further down the grid then you would have liked. How excited are you to get back in the cockpit and showing everyone the result that should have been today'
'Im excited. I'm okay but the car wasn't. So the guys have a lot of work to do to put everything back to how it should be. I don't think we quite know the extent of everything just yet and where I'm going to be starting on the grid tomorrow. But I'm excited, we have good pace and the car showed it in Q2 so hopefully I can score some points tomorrow.'
'I'm glad you are okay and excited for the race tomorrow'
'Thanks'