Summertime Sadness (The Lost Souls on Tour: The Third Tour)

Stage 17

Stage 17

Ang hirap pala talaga tumira sa mundo na ito. Even though you already have to voice to speak for yourself, if other people will choose to stay deaf, they won't listen to you. 

Tahimik lang ako habang nakaupo sa aming sasakyan pagkatapos ako'ng sunduin ni Kuya mula sa Guidance Office. I could feel his repeated glance but I never bothered myself to glance back at him. 

I got suspended for one week. Somehow, I was even thankful that I did. That one week will be breathable days for me rather than being in school and being suffocated just because Bea is around. 

"What did really happen, Far?" galit na salita ni Kuya pagkatapos ng mahabang katahimikan. 

Mugto pa rin ang mata ko nang sumulyap ako sa kaniya at saka marahang umiling. 

"M-May issue p-pala tayo..."

Natahimik siya. Maya-maya rin lang ay nanaig ang tunog ng mabigat niyang buntong hininga. 

"Is that the reason, Far? O binu-bully ka na naman ng babaeng 'yon?" I could hear the hint of annoyance in his voice but I know that he is trying to suppress it because he knows that it will just stress me out more.

I sighed heavily as I chose to be honest this time. Siguro tama na rin ang pagtatago. Alam na rin naman niya ang sitwasyon ko kaya...

"Bea is taunting me about the issue. I was stressed and all and she adds up that is why I exploded."

Napatitig ito sa akin at hindi agad sumagot, tila naninimbang. Sa huli ay wala ito'ng nagawa kung 'di ay huminga muli nang malalim habang dahan-dahan na tumatango. 

Tumingin ako sa kaniyang mata nang may pagmamakaawa. "I-I am not smoking, kuya. H-Hindi sa akin iyon..."

He tried to smile as he caressed my head as if trying to comfort me. "I know. I believe in you, Far..."

Nabawasan ang kaba ko dahil sa kaniyang sinabi. I know my family won't believe me if I really do smoke. They know that I am an adventurer and love trying new things but smoking will never be part of it. 

"Ano'ng nangyari, Zeus? Your father received a call from the school's counselor. Ano'ng mayroon?" Mom immediately rushed to us the moment we stepped into the foyer. I immediately felt guilt upon looking at her stressed face. Alam ko na dinadala na ng pamilya ko ang issue mula sa tubuhan na hindi pa tuluyang nakatayo ay pinapabagsak na agad ng kung sino man ang nagkalat ng kuwentong iyon. Isa pa na buntis si Mommy...

Kuya Zeus sighed heavily. "Bea Gonzaga," pagod na sagot ni kuya tila ang pagsambit pa lang ng pangalan nito ay nakakapagod na para sa kaniya. 

"M-Mommy, hindi po ako naninigarilyo..." paliwanag ko agad. "Mommy, s-si Bea po ang naglagay ng sigarilyo sa bulsa k-ko. I lost my control because she keeps on taunting m-me about the issue of our familiy, 'y-yong sa plantation p-po ng asukal."

Mommy's face softened while looking at me. "Dear, you don't have to explain. I know. I know you won't do that..."

Nanginit tuloy ang paligid ng mata ko bago ako humakbang papalapit sa kaniya at agad ito'ng niyakap. 

"M-Mommy," halos pumiyok ang boses ko nang tinawag ko siya. Feeling her warmth made me calm a bit. The way she touched me makes me feel like I could cry all day in her arms and she won't mind at all. That her arms will always be my comfort. 

God, ano na lang ang mangyayari sa akin kapag nawala siya? I might just...die as well. I'll be good as dead without my Mama...

"I'm sorry, dear..." The calmness of her voice warmed my heart.