This is an update at where I am mentally. It's basically a copy and paste of "mental note to myself" but edited.
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I'm kind of confusing. I'm at lest 60 stories in and I haven't really explained much.
This is a guide to me. (Mostly just the voices) I have many voices but I only name the prominent ones-the loudest ones.
Pickles:
- let me name him
- First named one
- based off of my insecurities
- very intrusive
- keeps me company
- likes navy blue
If my eyebrows are slightly down, my forehead is krinkled, but I have sad eyes-disassociating/just somewhere else-I'm probably talking to Pickles.
Trinket gremlin (aka Trinky)
UPDATE-His name is Gizem
- least scary voice
- based off fear of loss/attachment issues
- likes to collect things
- protective/snappy at times
- has a use for everything
- Likes green
If I'm talking to Trinky, I'll probably look determined or happy to the point I look phyco.
Madu Meister:
- newest named voice
- complex
- based off of anxiety, loss of control, father, and past
- speaks in Estonian
- Likes purple
Madu Meister is unlike the other voices. He named himself. (Not completely true. A lot of them come with voices, name themselves over time, make me figure out their names, or let me name them) While, most of the voices urge me to do things , master teaches me. He gives me praise and calls me his puppy.
If my face looks numb but my eyes look wide or hurt, I'm usually talking to Madu Meister.
NEW FRONTING VOICES:
Screaming Maria:
- literally does nothing but scream
- shapeshifter
Galarr:
- talks in Latin
- kind of a translater in my brain
- Likes yellow
- yells but goes through my brain like a whisper
Arithi:
- where my desires and cravings come from
- think she has a thing for Barron
- reminds me of Aphrodite and Ares
- Likes white
- kind of tells me to do random things but not harmful like Barron
- sometimes intimate
The red woman:
Her name is Insula but likes to go by red woman
- mostly says one thing at a time
- stems from my anxiety
- whispers warnings to me
- almost identical to Mia's purple person
- favorite color is red
A lot of them kind of name themselves and some of them haven't even revealed their names. For example, pickles didn't care what name he got as long as he was still he/him, so my friend named him. Trinky hasn't revealed his actual name (he goes my he/it) but he told me that he's a trinket goblin, hence the nickname Trinky-again, updated.
Some of them are easier, like Madu Meister, and some are more difficult. One of the voices is becoming more prominent. It's like it's moving from the back of my head to the front. The word I think of is pending.
When I learned Madu Meister's name, it was like it just appeared in my brain. I knew him for a while before this, but the whole time I called him master. One day I just woke up and knew. His name is Madu Meister.
It's different with the new guy. His name is...pending. It's not here yet. He's kind of like Trinkey in a way. I know his title. Trinkey is the trinket goblin, this new guy...he's the king of thorns.
This is what I know about him...
King of thorns:
UPDATE-his name is Barron
- likes chaos
- he/him
- influences, doesn't teach
- big ego
- comes from the crazy part of my brain
- likes maroon
Not true anymore but helps to understand me: I don't really talk to him yet, still pending. He's kind of like a whisper in my ear. A nagging urge. I make a face when I listen to him, though. It's kind of curious. Like, the top half of my face is happy and the bottom is sad. I'm usually wide eyed with high eyebrows but a straight mouth.
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I don't do the Wilbur chart anymore, though I do have this thing I like to call a memory blip, where I forget a few minutes of things and sometimes I'll have a thing that looks like a mommy panic attack and I'll forget hours.
Important phrases:
- The voices
- The trilliums
- confetti
Names most used:
- Mia/Cara Mia/mi amor/mi ecypse/mi serotonina/mi lluvia de otoño/george/niki/eclipse/blue/white cat/mi novia
-Leah/moon/sapnap/orange/black cat
-Air/sun/sister in crime/sister/witchcraft buddy/coven buddy/witch sister/Karl/purple/Siamese
