H is for heroine
I've decided that I know how to be happy and do well in school but I just have to want to. I was having a whole identity crisis earlier thinking about that.
That was one of my problems when I was in therapy. She kept said she wanted to re-wire my brain. I didn't like that. I liked my brain the way it was. I wasn't willing to do her coping mechanisms or positive exercises. Plus, that year I was being more on the rebellious side. I decided that I really didn't care about school and would just do enough to scrape by.
One of the biggest problems with that, though, is my friends. When they're negative, I feel compelled to be negative as well. When they're sad, I'm sad. When they're happy, I'm happy. It's like being the only vegetarian in a family. It can be quite difficult, but not impossible.
I could be the best version of me I can be. I know how to be a good student and take care of myself and how to be happy, but the problem is, my brain doesn't want to. Sadness is my heroin.
