I concur that my peers find me insufferable.
I believe that everyone finds me insufferable.
I've never thought I was smart-ambitious and determined, yes. Smart? No. I have to do twice the amount of work to keep up with everybody else, though, I still try to be the best I can without losing any more of my sanity. I believe that I work harder than most people in my grade-as stuck up as that sounds. I'm advanced-top of my classes and still have to try twice as hard as everyone.
I used to get a lot of rewards-in sixth grade that is-but I don't anymore. The thing is, I've been working the same amount 5th-8th grade, I'm just not appealing to anymore.
In 5th grade, I wore my hair down everyday. I had a leather jacket, fishnet gloves, black nails, mental illness, and a bad attitude. I was the best one in my class by far. The only thing that was a little below "top of class," was math. I was labeled top five, but the math teacher didn't think I was smart enough for advanced math.
In sixth grade, I wanted to be the healthy, workout, bullet jornal girl. I wore this grey Carhartt sweatshirt everyday mixed with light colored jeans and tennis shoes. I had liquid liner wings, orange sparkly eyeshadow, red lips, orange tipped hair, and bad eyebrow makeup. After a while a god a black beanie and then blue light glasses.
I was a good student, yet again, and got lots of awards. People complimented my art, my writing, etc. When I started dressing differently, I got less awards. I got no praise or compliments-same for seventh grade-accept for Lilah. She played Mary Poppins and always complimented me on my singing and performance. It made me feel genuinely good about myself. Now I just get told I smell good.
People like Lilah are rare. I mean, people who can see through my scary disposition. My choir and band teachers are some. I would argue that I'm top 5 in choir-again, I know it sounds snobby but I genuinely think that it's true. I've been awarded in choir. Multiple times. I've never gotten an award in band unless you count the solo and ensamble thing. She loves me and says that I'm one of her favorite students to work with, but I've never gotten an award.
My choir teacher used to be a percussionist-he let me play congas in our last concert-and we played together this morning. It was nice having someone to learn off of.
