THIS MIGHT BE OFFENSIVE BUT PLEASE DONT TAKE IT TOO PERSONALLY
A is for actively planning my own demise
At one point in life, I gave up on all music and art. I realized that nobody cared, so I started writing. I got extremely good at it. In fact, I was amazing. The best in every class I went to. I got A pluses on everything I would write, I got the best fast bridge results in English every year, and had over a collage reading level in fifth grade. I got praised for three years by every English teacher I had and that should've been enough, but I was a fool.
My mother was a writer and artist and my dad was a straight A student-both choir kids. No matter what I did, they always tried to make it better. I didn't get praise as a child, I got "constructive criticism." If every English teacher in the world praised me, I don't think it would've been enough for baby Tuesday. I just wanted to make my parents proud... I try to write, and I know my writing's good. In my head, it's amazing, but it doesn't move anybody. People don't care enough to be moved.
At this point, I don't count myself as a writer or an artist. That's not my role here. I've gone back to music seeing as I'm using my depression as a vessel and not a dead weight. I'm being praised by my band and choir teachers-I even got some rewards-and I'm trying to spend most of my time working on music and being included in everything. Every single day of the week, I'd have some sort of solo and ensamble or play practice to go to plus standard practice every day. I missed so much math class. I joined a high school play and played the congas during my choir concert. I've just been trying to do everything I can because deep down inside, I know I'm no Mia.
Mia was praised and is always praised. The people around her acknowledge her good work and think it's poetic and beautiful-which it is and I'm very proud of her-but if anybody cared, maybe I could be seen as poetic, too. So, instead, I'll just keep writing song lyrics that are too complex to understand, in my lonely garage.
