C is for crying dry raindrops
Whoever came up with that? You know that you cry more when you try not to cry than when you do. There are so many things to cry about.
Yesterday I was helping my mom pack up our campsite to leave and we needed to take my two year old brother two my grandparents site so we could pack our things into the camper.
I took his hand and we started walking. It was only one site over, but he wanted me to carry him half the way. When we got there, I set him down and he started bawling immediately. None of us were quite sure why. There are so many things to cry about.
My grandpa went to pick him up to soothe him, but he was still crying. When my brother saw me, he reached over to me, as if saying, 'please help me. I need you.' I took him out of my grandpas arms and held him in mine. He was hugging me hard. He wouldn't let go even if I tried to put him down. I slowly swayed and bounced him, hugging him closer to me. I whispered in his ears 'you're okay. You're okay.' I buried my face on his shoulder letting his cheek rest against mine. His skin was soft; his cries were getting softer.
In that moment, I felt very close to my brother. He needed me. Out of all people, he needed me. I guess, deep down, I'm a simple soul. I yearn to be needed. The same thing happened when Kate was crying. We used to have a very bad past and then put it all behind us. Then, one day, she needed me. She needed me. This is different from my dad who needs me to clean his house and feed him and run his businesses. They chose me. Out of every person in the world they needed me.
I still have hallucinations about him at night. Not because of Batin, though. It's new. Their name is Ruse. I hear him in my sleep. He shouts my name. I hear him in the wind. He shouts off off off! I want to help him but he doesn't need me. That confuses me.
There are so many things to be sad about. I could be sad that I wasted 3/4 of my summer being child laboured, or that the one person I want most in the entire world, I can't have. But, I don't cry because boys don't cry. All of my problems will be solved in five years.
I calmed down my brother and finished packing because boys don't cry.
