GIRL GROUP | jjk

Chapter 15

I wake with a pressure lodged in my throat.

This happens when I've been dreaming of my past in Chicago, most of the days filled with studying in solitude and avoiding public places in case I run into one of the boys. But unlike most of my nightmarish episodes, I don't remember a thing. It could be just a fluke.

Last night was an absolute dream. Maybe the adrenaline of it all has caught up to me, rubbing me into a strange sleep consciousness.

Nabi and Jesstina lay on the twin beds. Today, it was my turn to take the floor.

It makes it easy for me to creep over to the door and open it a crack. To my surprise, the living room is lighted. I open the door large enough for me to exit, then close it softly behind me. My knuckles rub against the metal doorknob, and a jolt of electricity scatters across the same area when I spot Jungkook on the living room couch.

Alone.

Gone is the pink wig, but his nails, hair, and eyelashes still look fabulous. But unlike the boy on the stage, he's nursing some sort of heaviness. His eyes are cast downward, and he possesses a slouch that usually would never belong to the golden maknae.

"Can't sleep?" I say.

His eyes dart up, finding me easily. Suddenly, I feel as though I'm undressed.

"Yeah," he says, "can't sleep."

I know I should probably just offer him a kind phrase, something like I hope you can get some sleep or Don't stay up too late. Instead, I find my legs rebelling against me. They waltz all the way over to the couch, where I promptly take a seat. Once I'm here, regret surges through me. What have I done? Now, I'm going to have to engage in a conversation that I probably don't want to have.

But I saw something in Jungkook—something that I always see in myself and try desperately to avoid. Nightmares can come in many forms, and today one found Jungkook.

"Nightmare?" I say, stupidly, after a beat of silence.

I hear him swallow, even as my eyes are glued on the very interesting carpet and the barely-there stain of orange juice.

"Yeah." He may be staring at the same spot, for all I know. "They don't happen super often. But when I do, I can never fall asleep afterwards."

I glance up, watching the line of his eyebrow as it contorts—as the images flash before him. I have nightmares too, I want to say. Instead, I swallow my words. "I'm sorry that you have nightmares."

Way to go, Karma. Super personal.

Jungkook rubs his left wrist against his knee, his other hand circling the couch fabric between us. "It was about a sasaeng."

Sasaeng—an obsessed fan. They would do anything to be a part of Jungkook's life, even if it's in the most negative way. They're responsible for stalking at the airport, breaking into hotels, even booking the same flight for a chance to breathe the same air. I don't have any experience with sasaengs, being a rookie idol, but I'm sure I'll have an encounter soon—much to my future distress.

He continues on without my prompting. "I was once at a hotel in the States. Someone called the hotel telephone, saying that she was waiting outside for me. After I unplugged the phone, she called my cell. She seemed to know how to reach the other boys too, and she asked if I had read her letters."

Jungkook pauses for his emotion to wane before he continues on. "Turns out, she was posing as one of my managers, sending me messages that I read on the daily—I thought they were messages from genuine fans, but they were all from her. Once I figured that out, I realized that she had already infiltrated my life. The messages' true meanings came out, the fact that she would do anything to get my attention.