GIRL GROUP | jjk

Chapter 34

Over the next couple of days, the mortification turns to warmth.

Jungkook gave us his studio—his precious studio where he's probably written countless lyrics and melodies. Nabi, Jesstina, and I rotate, using the room alone or together. We keep most of the furnishings the same, and I almost shed a tear when one of his managers comes to fetch his acoustic guitar. But just breathing, taking in having our own space besides our well-loved practice rooms—Jungkook has surprised me yet again.

When Jungkook bumped into me in the hallway on that fateful day when everything changed, I didn't yet realize that I needed something. I had the girls—a career that was unfolding before me. I didn't want to let anyone else into my life, especially not a boy. In fact, it was the last thing I thought I needed.

Back then, I wondered what it was like to be on top of the music sphere, being so untouchable—with failure far behind you. I wondered what it would be like to look down on Jungkook.

In one way, I got my wish. I managed to look down on Jungkook, during our first month together when I was trying my hardest not to get too attached. And literally, I've looked down on him while he fell asleep on the couch or tried to assemble one of those DIY candles.

Jungkook was always a larger-than-life persona to me. That never changed during our time together. The superstar in him always shone, even when the cameras weren't on. But he showed me his vulnerable side, one that he only shows to his members. He told me what it feels like to always be watched, dissected, to feel like you don't have control over yourself.

I never thought that I would get Jeon Jungkook.

Trying to adjust to life after Jungkook is more painful than I could imagine. It's like losing Yuna all over again, a hole in the team growing wider and wider. It's not just dancing and singing that needs to be adjusted. It's the waiting for schedules, wandering into shoots and realizing that there's only three of us. It's attending a fan meeting and meeting the disappointed faces of everyone looking for the missing member.

Nabi, Jesstina, and I don't fight, but it feels as though there's an emptiness we are trying to ignore—blocking it with impromptu movie nights, trips to the convenience store, and blasting our favorite BTS tracks whenever we're missing the golden maknae a bit too much.

Life as an idol without Jungkook is hard, but we make do. Nabi and Jesstina do a lot of heavy lifting, and as the leader I shift into survival mode—focusing on the things that make us a functional group, like our message about carving your own fate. I make sure the girls know that I care for them and that I won't ever let our career falter. I'll do everything in my power to make sure we have a second album, a third, and even a tenth and fifteenth.

Heart and Caren Seonsaengnim don't corner me again about asking Jungkook to come back, and our lessons return to normal—like we were always a group of three. We prepare for our very first concert—we'll perform all five songs of our EP, along with five covers of our favorite songs.

"It's not common where a group would hold a concert so soon," Heart Seonsaengnim says. "But I fully believe you girls can do it. People were waiting for your group and your message. When the thousands of people in the stadium are looking at you, we want them to know that they can achieve what they desire the most. The fans are going to freak out, but they'll also be empowered."

I hold onto Heart Seonsaengnim's words, along with Caren Seonsaengnim's more curt, "You girls need work, but it's possible to give an impressive performance."

I've never rapped so hard, as I take over a lot of Jungkook's parts. I feel Yuna's spirit and Jungkook's influence taking over me, however. It's like I unlocked a new aspect of my voice, one that I've never used before. My team and my instructors notice this fire, and I receive more than a few comments about how hard I'm working. How much I'm pushing myself.

I take pride in that, even though I do feel myself slipping a bit into overwork.

One day, in early September, I walk toward the cafeteria. My thoughts are on our second album. Recordings are in full swing, and the girls and I are handing in our demos to see if our lyrics and melodies will be accepted. Dance practice has also been taken up a notch. If I try to change up my flow here and there in the title track... if I do a bit more weightlifting so I can complete a move holding up Jesstina with my left arm....

Eyes on my shoes, I don't realize that someone is standing in the doorway until it's too late. I careen to the left to avoid whoever it is, but my elbow hits their spine.

"Sorry!" I blurt out.

Jungkook turns around. Of course, he no longer looks like a member of the Fates. He has a new, crisp, haircut, no extensions to be found. His eyelashes, brows, and nails are all natural. He's dressed in double denim and a white T-shirt, like in one of his many fashion campaigns.

"Oh," I say. "Hi."

A spark flashes in his eye, but it's gone in a millisecond. "Karma, hi. Are you also here for lunch?"

"Well it isn't dinner time...."

My joke falls a bit flat, even though Jungkook's lips curl up just the tiniest fraction. "Let's get our lunch together."

I follow Jungkook, not able to refuse—and not wanting to either. Today's menu is tonkatsu with kimchi jeon. I'm about to take a plate when I realize that the servicing area is completely wiped out. There's no food to be found anywhere.

One of the staff members apologizes, saying that there was a malfunction with the stove. We'll have to wait several minutes for a plate.

I stand next to Jungkook and wonder if I should ask him a question. Maybe a, how are you doing?  No. That would make it seem like we're completely impersonal. Maybe crack a joke? No... I haven't seen him in ages, and it could be awkward. It was his birthday recently. Should I wish him a happy birthday?

Honestly, I want to thank him. For his studio, for bolstering the Fates when we needed it the most. I want to tell him that he changed my view on love and worthiness.

But the minutes pass in silence. Much too soon, the tonkatsu and kimchi jeon are ready. I grab my plate, and Jungkook and I head off in opposite directions.

Again.

A/N: ARMY! I can't believe it's already the middle of August. For everyone going back to school, I wish you the best of luck. & I pray that you won't be stressed during this time.