GIRL GROUP | jjk

Chapter 38

I spin on the floor, careening wildly out of control.

My skull slams into something else—hard. It hurts too much to scream. I lie limp on the dance floor, groaning and telling myself not to pass out.

"Is He?" has an extremely challenging choreo—one we're not very used to. Just as I leapt over Jesstina's crouching figure, Jungkook was supposed to brace my fall. His hands were there, but for some reason I pushed myself in the wrong direction.

Weaving in and out of consciousness, I finally come to. Heart Seonsaengnim and Nabi help me sit up. When my vision finally unblurs, I see Jesstina leaning over a limp Jungkook.

That "something else" must've been his head.

Panic rising in me, filling up my throat, makes it hard for me to breathe. I can't lose Jungkook a second time. And even though it's selfish of me to think so, I can't imagine performing in two days without him.

After an infinite five seconds, he raises his head, braced upwards by Jesstina. "I'm fine," he says. "Karma?"

I answer, the panic in me funneling down to make way for blessed relief. "Me too."

We both rise, take a break for water, then continue.

Concerts are often called the pinnacle of what artists can achieve. In two days, I won't be singing and dancing for a camera, but for people who know my lyrics—who can shout them back to me with fervor. I've had a taste of the concert energy from various showcases and music shows, but I can tell that it will exceed all of my past experiences.

When it doesn't feel like we could practice any harder, alternating between sessions with Heart and Caren Seonsaengnim, the day finally ends. I spend a long time in the bathroom, trying to dry off the sweat in my armpits.

I close my eyes hard, the hurricane of the past week catching up to me—trying so hard to make everything perfect. It almost completely overwhelms me, but I brace myself against the sink. If Jungkook will see me faint, it will be after the concert, not before.

*

We stop at the convenience store—this time, by Jungkook's apartment. We wanted to see his place, and Nabi and Jesstina are currently haggling over which snacks to bring to his room, where we'll be filming a pre-show ritual. A filming was the only way we could convince Kristine to allot us this time. It's the night before the concert, and my nerves are screaming after each little thought about tomorrow.

"I want to show you something," Jungkook says.

We're standing next to the stationary section—and just like before, there's a cameraman watching our every move. But there's something strangely comforting about it. I feel as though we're back in that first month as trainees, figuring each other out. And trying not to hate each other.

"I'll show it to the girls later," Jungkook continues. "But since you're the leader, I thought you'd have the honor."

"The honor?" I say.

He shrugs. In the background, Jesstina gasps—she probably found Pokémon bread, which is so hard to find these days that it might as well be a precious stone. "Yes," Jungook says. "I mean, if you don't want to see it...."

He got me there. "I'm curious," I relent.

He draws close, breathing in through his nose—so close that I feel the shift of the air. "Close your eyes."

I follow, only after a few seconds of admiring Jungkook's relaxed demeanor. "Okay."

"Now take seven deep breaths," Jungkook says. "One after the other. Each time you inhale and exhale, wait for a few seconds."

I do as he says, feeling the tension in my body dissipating. I can't hear anything else but my inner thoughts, most of them revolving about how close I am to Jungkook.

"Now think of your happy place," Jungkook says.

A memory flashes back to me—sharing convenience store ice cream with Jungkook, Nabi, and Jesstina. In my memory, we're glowing like celestial beings.

When I'm finished, I open my eyes. If I wasn't so relaxed, I would immediately jump back. We're so close that I can count his eyelashes. Jungkook was once someone who I thought I would never be able to meet. Now, I'm right here—sharing his breaths, admitting that yes, I do like him quite a bit.

I'm thankful that the golden maknae isn't proficient in reading thoughts. He draws back. "One last thing, we all put our hands together a minute before going on, saying our chant. I know we do that already, so it's the breathing part we can add to our tradition."

"Great," I say, trying to ignore the way my whole body feels like it's going to overheat. "I think a bit of meditation will help."

He grins, and even in the convenience store lighting, he's so attractive that I almost consider asking him to show me the ritual again. I resist the temptation and say, "I hope I can come to your area again. I mean your place. I mean...." I trail off, not knowing where I'm going with this. "I didn't mean anything by that."

"I know, Karma." The way he says my name is addicting, like a hit of my favorite cream soda. "I definitely think you'll be back here. Hopefully without the cameras. Whether you're with the girls, or by yourself, I'd love to have you. Because I like you quite a bit, Karma."

I nod, too stunned for words. I like you quite a bit too. But Nabi and Jesstina interrupt, asking our opinions on mint chocolate or regular chocolate flavored ice cream. I don't know whether to be relieved by the interruption.

I'll have to show him some other time. How much I feel the same.

A/N: I'm always so curious about behind-the-scenes rituals. Of course we don't see every little thing, but BTS has been pretty open about sharing. Have you seen Bring the Soul yet? I'm super excited to see it once it's released on Netflix.