GIRL GROUP | jjk

Chapter 14

I love food.

Don't get me wrong, I can diet if need be. But I'm a sucker for anything sweet and bready.

Before our outdoor fan meetup, I stuff myself with pastries. I may be eating my feelings, because it's not at all appropriate for me to be falling for a member of my group. Nonetheless, the cherry Danishes and the little bites of Japanese cheesecakes aren't going to eat themselves.

"You're really that hungry?" Jesstina says from behind me.

I flinch. I turn around, wielding an anpan in my left hand.

"Don't bother me," I say, turning back around.

Jesstina whistles through her teeth. She seems to be done with the display of pastries. The cafe near our fanmeet has offered us this space, along with their food and drinks, for the hour before we actually get to meet our fans.

"Is this about Jungkook?" Jesstina says.

I do a quick survey of our surroundings. Jungkook and Nabi are at a corner table, getting their makeup done again while sipping iced Americanos. The rest of the team is scrambling, carrying props outside for the fanmeet. We're safe for now, and I should tell the truth—like I always do with Jesstina and Nabi.

Instead, the instinct to keep my feelings secret, to protect the team and this shaky debut season, wins out in the end. I take a large bite of the anpan. "No," I say. "It's just the craziness of today. And this is natural for me—you know I can't resist a good pastry."

"Okay...." Jesstina doesn't sound thoroughly convinced, but she doesn't press me. "But girl, you are doing an amazing job as leader. I never knew you had it in you to put Jungkook in his place!"

I swerve around, wielding the anpan like a shield. "That is not what I'm trying to do."

"Well it's necessary," Jesstina says. She picks out a strawberry dipped in white chocolate. "I'm not saying you need to be a tyrant. But you're doing a good job, leading us—that's all."

Her smirk tells me more than the surface of her words. But I turn back to the pastries, watching as Jesstina heads off to the counter to order a drink. Despite Jesstina and Nabi knowing me better than anyone else on the planet, surely they couldn't have noticed my budding feelings when I just became aware of them myself?

I shake myself. I can't let myself forget that Jungkook could hurt me—just like the boys back in my high school.

As I take a seat, belly full with bread and sugar, one of the makeup artists promptly meets me, addressing the spots that have faded since the livestream earlier today. As she works, I can't help but recall one of the boys. He will go unnamed, along with the other boys, because I don't want to give them any more power.

He once addressed me in front of the class, saying that no one would ever want to date me because I looked like a sloth. I didn't know what he meant by that, but it hurt nonetheless, and for years after that I wondered whether there was something drastically wrong with my looks.

That boy continued to taunt and degrade me when the teachers weren't around. I sunk more and more into myself, trying to ignore the way the class easily laughed at my expense. When his taunting grew more extreme—mostly when we were alone in the halls—he called me names that I would never want to repeat in my head.

Jungkook may not be that boy, but he still has the power to hurt me. I can't let the fickleness of my feelings control me.

Once it's time for our fan meet, I lead the way toward the miniature stage that's been set up in front of the cafe. As I ascend, I cast my gaze toward the two hundred fans who were invited to meet us in person for the first time.