Being Brad's Sister

50. Wish I knew

Emma's pov

No matter how much I told myself I was doing it for the best so that nobody would get hurt it didn't make it any easier. I was going to slowly back off away from James so it wouldn't hurt him as much if I suddenly dumped him but that text about Tristan being next scared me to death because I now know that they are genuine threats and they would be carried through. Of course I didn't want anyone getting hurt and I know that backing off slowly wouldn't be enough so I had to end it with James there and then.

The events have been playing through my head over and over again. I haven't stopped crying yet. Last night I cried myself to sleep and this morning I woke up, unlocked my phone and saw the picture of James and I, which was background picture, and it make me start crying again. I changed my phone background and tried to get rid of everything or hide everything James related but the events of yesterday are still running through my mind. The way James' face fell, the pained tone of voice when he was calling my name. I can still hear him calling my name in hope that it wasn't reality and I was joking or something.

I log onto Twitter to see if I can take my mind off it. I put my details in and my timeline pops up. I scroll through and spot a tweet which hurts even more.

@TheVampsJames
Lost something tonight which money couldn't buy

I click on his name making his profile fill my screen.

@TheVampsJames
Is this some joke? No because jokes are funny and I'm now broken. I'm sorry I couldn't be better to you. I tried.

You were the best James you didn't need to try! I can tell by the tweets that he is hurt, maybe even broken-hearted and to think I caused that. Whatever I do I cause pain!

I go onto the trends. #Jamesareyouok and #cheerJamesup are trending. I click on the #cheerJamesup link and pictures and tweets fill my screen. There are funny tweets and memories from The Vamps. I notice a few people saying 'think of Emma that will make you happy' or something along those lines. Unfortunately that won't cheer him up because I am the reason he is like this. God I wish I could turn back time and just explain everything properly.

To: Emma
From: Unknown
Well done you've made James depressed how could you do that to him? Well I guess I can be that shoulder to cry on thank you but this isn't over. I want you no where near James. Understand? Good.

How can they say 'how could you do that to him' I didn't what they told me to so nobody would get beaten up again. I tremble at the thought of the person comforting James and wiggling their way into his life. The thought of James with someone else scares me. I suppose it is also like a test, if he gets with them straight away then he must have not cared about me the way I care about him. All I care about now is having James back.

James' pov

We have been attempting to sing Risk It All ready for the recording for ages now but I just can't do it. I used to sing this song and think about Emma but now I don't have Emma so it just hurts more. I haven't told anyone about yesterday because I am hoping that if I don't admit it then it won't be true.

"James pull yourself together man why can't you sing those three words it isn't hard!" Of course the boys don't understand. They are getting really fed up because I am singing the song, badly, but when it comes to singing the words 'risk it all' I just stop as the words refuse to leave my mouth.

"James are you alright mate?" I can't do this.

"Dean help them record their parts. I'll record mine when I'm better." I say before walking out of the studios before anyone can say a word. When I am just outside the door I turn and throw myself to the wall. Leaning my head in my hands I tug on the ends of my hair before screaming and turning and kicking the wall.

"James?" I turn to see Tristan looking kind of scared of my anger. I just look at him with no expression. "Mate what is going on?"

"Why do you care?" I snap before instantly regretting it but not saying anything instead looking at the ground hoping for it to open and swallow me up.

"Because you are one of my best friends and nobody goes storming out of the studios screaming and kicking walls unless there is something majorly wrong. Plus I saw your tweets last night. You sound completely and utterly destroyed." I look from Tristan and back at the ground again.

"I'm sorry I just need to sort my head out, I just." I trail off not knowing how to continue.

"Problems with Emma?" I don't do or say anything so he takes it as a yes. "Things will sort themselves out?"

"It won't."

"And why is that?"

"Because she dumped me Tristan!" I shout while attempting to hold back the tears. "She dumped me." I repeat quietly probably making me look weak. I admit the facts and allow it to sink in completely. "I lost one of the best thing that ever happened to me. Now it's gone and it hurts Tristan." He doesn't say anything but he brings me in for a hug banging my back lightly.

"We need some guy time. The four of us. That'll help." Yay just what I need. Note the sarcasm.

"Trist I just want to be alone right now." I fell for Emma hard and fast. From the moment I saw her when Brad introduced us a few years ago to now. She will always have that special place in my heart. Always.

"Okay but don't let it build up inside you. Let the pain out or it will drag you down. We are here if you need us, even Brad." I nod and thank him before turning and walking away. Emma dumped me, she is no longer mine and although she told me the reason why I can't help but think that there was more to it.

Tristan's pov

James is completed wrecked, I've never seen him like this before in all the time that I have known him I've never seen him anything like this. He is in a complete state. He walks away so I go back into the studio. All eyes are on me as I go in and close the door.

"What is wrong with James?"

"Emma dumped him yesterday and he is taking it really badly." I inform them. Everyone's face falls but Brad catches my eye more.

"Why? Emma really likes James and she has for years. I've seen her admit it in her diary and to my face and. Why would she dump him?"

"I don't know Brad."

"Tell you what. No one is in the state to record today. Go home and try to sort everything out. Tomorrow we will call you in to record your parts." Dean tells us. We nod and run out of the studios after James. He needs us now more than ever.

"Wait." Brad stops, we look at him waiting for him to say something. "I'm going to see Emma and see what all of this is about. Something isn't right here." We nod and desperate after saying goodbye. Connor and I continue after James while Brad goes to his sister.

Emma's pov

"I wish I could be in your arms. Have you hold me one more time. They say if you love someone set them free. Dealing with the pain I know it is best for you." I sing to myself. in my room. Most of the time singing you feelings is easier than saying how you feel so that is what I am doing. I've composed a song about everything.

I hear a door open and close downstairs so I stop singing and wipe away my tears. Looking at the lyrics which I've written in a pad one more time I put the pad away before sitting on my bed and just thinking.

To: Emma
From: Brad
I have just heard about you and James do you want to talk I'm on my way home

I wish I could talk to Brad I talk to him about everything but on this once instance I can't because if anyone finds out about the person texting me than someone else will get hurt just like Joe.

To: Brad
From: Emma
I just want to be alone thanks anyway

To: Emma
From: Unknown
I'm making my move tonight thank you for the help again Emma but remember the deal nobody can know about this.

I throw my phone to the side. I wish I knew who this person is. I have been trying to think but I don't know. I just wish I knew!