Being Brad's Sister

68. Can't do this

Emma's pov

Two days ago that I spoke with Dad about feeling all alone. At the time it felt like it really helped but now I'm not so sure. I don't know whether it's because I'm really missing the boys or whether it's because of the hormones because of being pregnant, but what I do know is that I really feel alone in this pregnancy. I haven't spoken to anyone about how I'm feeling after speaking to dad because I don't want anyone to feel bad or like they've abandoned me. I know they haven't abandoned me, it's just like, it's hard to explain.

I open up my diary which I've been keeping for the pregnancy, so that I can keep track of everything that is going on. I am eight weeks and six days pregnant. Time does feel like it has gone quite fast, I can't believe that I am nine weeks tomorrow. Luckily that means that I'll see James tomorrow because we have the scan. I am so excited to see him, it's stupid because before I am pretty sure I would have been fine when the boys went on tour, I would go to their shows but I would be fine, not caught up in a shell feeling sorry for myself. That is what is making me think that these feelings are just down to hormones. I'm going to ask the midwife tomorrow to see if this is normal but at the same time I don't want to worry James.

After checking to see what time the scan is tomorrow, I put the diary away. Feeling quite hungry I head downstairs. Dad hasn't long gone out to get some food in so I decide to go out for some food. Grabbing my purse and phone I leave the house locking the doors behind me.

Deciding to be healthy I go to the bus stop and wait for the number twenty-six to take me to the shops where there is a subway. The number bus comes every twenty minutes and luckily there is one due in three minutes so I don't have to wait long.

The bus comes down the road and pulls up so I can get on. It's perfect timing as I suddenly have really bad abdominal cramps again. I show the driver my bus pass before taking a seat and holding onto my stomach. My eyes squeeze shut as the pain gets worse.

"Are you Emma?" I turn around to see a girl around my age smiling down at me with worry in her eyes. I nod even though I'm not sure who I am. "My name is Crystal, I'm a big fan of The Vamps. Are you okay? You look like you're in pain."

"I just have a bad stomach ache but the pain will go soon. Thank you." I smile.

"Can't you take anything for it?" I shake my head and she nods hers saying she understands. "Okay as long as you're okay though." She smiles, I smile back at her nodding reassuringly so she knows that I am okay. I'm not sure if I can take these pains much more it is really horrible! After roughly five minutes the pain fades slightly although it doesn't go away completely.

Noticing where we are I ring the bell and stand up as the bus slowly pulls into the bus stop. I thank the driver as I get off. Going straight into subway I go up to the counter as there is no one waiting in a queue. I look at the signs knowing instantly what I want. I used to have subway quite a lot when I was in Trio Trouble because we would finish dancing then come here for lunch.

"Hello what can I get you?"

"Can I have a six inch steak and cheese on hearty Italian bread please?"

"Sure and would you like that toasted?"

"Please." The young red haired woman nods so that I know she has heard me. She makes the sandwich and puts it in the toaster for a few minutes. When it is toasted she takes it out and changes her gloves.

"Would you like any salads?"

"Tomato, cucumber and sweetcorn please."

"And sauces?"

"Sweet onion please." She changes her gloves as she goes along. When the sandwich is ready she asks if I want to take it out or eat in and I tell her I'd like to eat in so that I can eat the sandwich while it is still warm. She wraps up the sandwich and puts it a tray, I also get an oasis drink and a double chocolate chip cookie to make it a meal. I pay the lady and sit down to enjoy the food.