Being Brad's Sister

67. Alone

Emma's pov

I am feeling so alone right now. Dad is being really distant and I have no idea why it is like he is avoiding me. I don't want to admit it but I have a feeling that it is because of the baby and although to my face he says that he is happy for me being pregnant I really don't think he is. James and Brad have barely contacted me over the past week because they have been so busy with tour, I think adjusting to tour life was harder than they expected. I suppose it is the first week of their tour so they will be busy and I don't blame them not phoning me every day because at the end of the day they are travelling to enjoy themselves while doing something they love so they don't want to be ringing me because I will just drag their hopes down.

I seem to be hungry quite a lot at the moment and I have found that I am getting restless. I've been sleeping but it is taking me a while to get off to sleep. I don't even have a small bump yet so I can't even begin to imagine what it will be like when I have the bump, then I really will be restless. I don't know how people sleep when they have a massive stomach, I can understand sleeping with the small bump, like when it is just forming but when you are nine months pregnant and your stomach is massive. It must be so hard to sleep and move. That is the bit I am dreading.

Last night, because I couldn't sleep, I started to think about what it will be like later on in the pregnancy. I am okay with everything except the massive stomach and the idea of actually giving birth. That terrifies me, absolutely terrifies me. People are always going on about long labour and massive pains, and I don't want to go through that but I know I am going to. There is nothing I can do to prepare me for having to push the tiny baby out of me and that is the scariest part I think.

I am currently in the living room of an empty house, because yet again Dad has gone out, watching Rules Of Engagement. It is quite funny with a few puns here and there but I have watched about five of these now and I am starting to get bored but I don't know what to so. I wish I could just sit down with someone and just physically be with someone but my brother and boyfriend are on tour and as I have already mentioned my dad goes awol pretty much every day. I swear half the time he isn't even at work. The McVey's invited me over to their house earlier this week but even they have been really busy lately. I just feel as though I am dealing with this pregnancy on my own right now and it isn't fair!

I shift positions in the chair as the cramps start up again. That is another thing about pregnancy, cramps. Luckily I am not one of the one's who suffer from morning sickness, or at least I don't suffer with it yet, but I do suffer from God almighty cramps. I have really bad abdominal pains and cramps and to start off with I thought it was because there was something wrong with the baby so I did a bit of research and it turns out that I may experience abdominal cramps as the baby and the uterus grow. I lie down on the sofa with my hand on my stomach.

"Hey there little one." I say to my stomach, I must look like a crazy loon and I don't know if the baby can hear or even understand me but I like to talk to it sometimes. It is quite relaxing. "You know next week is the first scan. I am going to see you for the first time and I can't wait. Daddy will be there too. And we are going to get a picture of you for your family to see as well. See you have a really big family. There is my side of the family, your dad's side of the family and this third family called Vampettes and Vampions. I have told you about your family before. The Vampettes and Vampions are the fans of your Uncle Brad, Uncle Connor, Uncle Tristan and your daddy's band. They are basically a big family and you will get a lot of love off them as well as your biological family." A massive smile forms on my lips as I talk to the eight week old baby inside of me.

The cramps ease after a few minutes of me talking. Guarantee they will start up again soon. My phone buzzes and I actually feel a little bit of excitement inside me until I notice that it was just twitter. I want my dad, I want Brad and I want James. I feel so lost and lonely without them. A tear leaves my eye as I lie on my die, it trickles down my cheek. Another tears slips out of my other eye traveling across my face and falling from the tip of my nose due to the position that I am lying in.  Those tears are soon followed by more and soon I am just sobbing on the sofa with my head buried in my arms. I don't mean to cry because I don't know whether it will effect or upset the baby but it is just so hard. I don't know whether I can do this. I don't know if I can carry on any more.

The front door opens and closes. I try to stop crying so that I don't worry dad but I am unable to stop. Dad hears and comes running into the living room and sits next to me. He pulls me into him so that he is hugging me tightly as he shushes and calms me down.

"What's wrong Emma?"

"I can't do this dad."

"What do you mean?"

"This. I can't do this. I feel so alone and I get really bad cramps. You obviously don't like the idea of me being pregnant and ..."

"Whoa stop right there. Where on earth did you get the idea that I don't like you being pregnant? I am over to moon for you Emma and you should know that."

"You are never here dad."

"Sweetie have had some things to sort out. And when I haven't been sorting this thing out I have been at work. Why didn't you come to me, I didn't realise I was making you feel this way."

"I didn't want you worrying or thinking I was being stupid." I sob.

"I would never think that now come one don't cry. Tell you what for the rest of the day and for tomorrow I am all yours okay? And if you ever feel like this again you tell me okay Emma?" I nod. "Good." He smiles. I wish I knew what was going on that was so important that took up a lot of dad's time. Dad decided to put some movies on, starting with The Amazing Spiderman. My mind however wonders to what dad is sorting out. What is he hiding from me? He may say I am not alone but while he isn't telling me the full truth I still feel isolated. What could be so important that he can't tell me?

Hey guys

So this may seem like a filler chapter but trust me it has relevance and you will start to understand everything when you read the next few chapters. I know this chapter may seem like Emma is just a moaning woman but trust me the importance of this chapter is quite big. It is the beginning of new problems for Emma which could turn out to be worse than you think ;)

Basically its a lead up to a big event thing so bare with :)

Hope you're enjoying the book.

Thanks

Judy xx