Apodyopsis: Built for sin (GxG)

Apodyopsis-BFS 16

Rivianna Avril Samonte

Ilang oras na ang lumipas, but I couldn't find my sleep. Kung paano ang pwesto ko ay gano'n pa rin hanggang ngayon because I was scared to wake her up kaya I tried not to move.

How many times have I opened my eyes? I have no idea. I can only assume that the reason I couldn't fall asleep was because I was staring at her for so long. Naka-ilan tanong na nga rin ako sa sarili, how did we become like this? Lagi ko lang naman sinisira ang araw niya, so why is she helping me? Is there a reason behind why? Nah, I don't think so. In the first place, ako ang nagpupumilit sa kaniya. She may have noticed that I was in need of attention. That's why she suddenly warmed up to me.

I slightly shook my head. Ano ba naman 'tong pumapasok sa utak ko. Hindi talaga ako makakatulog kung ganito mga iniisip ko.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" Because of her abrupt talk, I nearly leaped out of bed. Her eyes are still closed.

"Hindi lang ako malatulog." Tipid na sagot ko habang pinagmamasdan siya.

"Nightmares?" Marahan na umiling ako kahit hindi niya nakikita.

"Nope. Walang reason." One thing I noticed about her was that she had long eyelashes na kanina ko pa gustong paglaruan. Kaso baka mapatay ako pag bigla ko na lang 'yon ginawa.

Dahan-dahan niyang binuksan ang mata at malamlam na tumingin sa'kin. Halatang inaantok. She didn't say anything and just stared at me, so I did the same.

"Aren't you affected by what happened between us?" Wala sa sariling tanong ko.

I'm really curious about how she felt about that night. Kung wala ba talaga sa kaniya ang nangyari sa'min. Nakaraan lang she's so mad at me na konti na lang isumpa ako.

"I'm sure I am. I've never considered doing that with a girl. I don't swing that way. In other words, I'm not sure how I feel. So I chose to disregard it because of this."

Ngayon sinagot niya ng maayos hindi naman agad ako nakapagsalita dahil hindi ko naman alam how to take it. And I don't understand why a part of me hurt.

"Do you feel disgusted about it?" I mumbled my question kahit nakakatakot marinig. Despite knowing the answer I was going to get from her, I still wanted to hear it. Just my thoughts aren't enough for me.

"Do you want the honest answer?" She questioned as she peered right into my eyes.

​Do I want to? Kaya ko ba marinig kahit na sa tono pa lang niya at titig alam ko na. Having sex with me after actually doesn't matter to me, but when it comes to her, I feel like I want her to like it. Nababaliw na talaga ako and I don't like it. I feel like na mauulit lang ang lahat.

I nodded. Bahala na. If ever man na nandiri siya sa nangyari sa'min I'll simply brush it off. Hindi naman siguro gano'n kasakit. I don't mind na matapakan ang ego ko. Siya lang naman 'yon. It's not a big of a deal.

"Yes."

I don't want to give any reaction to what I just heard. Kaya kahit paggalaw ng mata hindi ko magawa. I'm scared na baka makita niya kung ano ang nararamdaman ko and she will just use that as a weapon against me. I didn't say anything; I simply looked at her, trying to mask the hurt I was experiencing. I can also feel my breathing speeding up. Sinubukan kong mag-relax dahil baka mahalata niya. The pain in my chest persisted in trying to find every crevice of my entire.