Apodyopsis: Built for sin (GxG)

Apodyopsis-BFS 17

Rivianna Avril Samonte

I woke up when I felt someone caressing my hair. Kahit hindi ko buksan yung mata ko alam ko na agad kung sino. The way her fingers intertwined with the strands of my hair. Her touch was delicate yet firm, it was like her fingers were moving with an innate understanding of the depths of my soul. My Mom is the only one who can do that. I really like how affectionate and soothing she is every time.

"I know you're awake." She gently whispered.

Wala talaga akong takas kay Mom. "How did you know?" Saad ko habang nakapikit pa rin at dinadama ang paghagod ni Mom sa buhok ko.

"Your breathing becomes steady. Mabilis ang paghinga mo every time you are asleep."

The words she uttered made me feel warm. She knew something about me that I don't even know. Minsan talaga feeling ko mas kilala pa ako ni Mom kaysa sa sarili ko. Maybe that's the reason why my Mom is my safe haven, because I know whatever it is, she will understand, she'll try to understand. When I'm around her, all of my defenses come tumbling down. I allowed myself to be exposed.

Tumalikod ako at humarap kay Mom ng pagkakahiga. She was sitting beside me. I was welcomed by her gentle gaze and genuine smile. My Mom is really beautiful.

"How are you feeling?" Malambing niyang tanong.

"Good... And sleepy." Lalo ako inaantok sa ginagawa ni Mom, at the same time, it awakened everything in me. "Bakit hindi ikaw sumalubong sa'kin this morning?" I asked.

"You missed my sermon?" I nodded, which made her chuckle. "Ayaw mo ng sermon ni Mama mo?"

Hinawakan ko ang isang kamay niya at doon tinuon ang atensyon ko. "Parang may regla si Mama."

"Hindi ka nagkakamali. First day niya ngayon." Parehas kaming natawa ng mahina sa sinabi ni Mom. "Are you mad at her?"

Umiling ako ng marahan. "No, kasalanan ko naman. I just don't like the words she's spouting, complete nonsense."

"She's just really worried about you, you knew kung gaano siya naapektuhan sa nangyari sayo before."

What happened to me before, it was Mama who fell with me and cried for me the most. I'm just glad that Mom is strong enough to hold the family together.

"Just try to understand your Mama. Remember what happened to your tita Kai before, right? Ayaw lang maulit ni Mama mo ang ginawa niya before, hindi niya kaagad na pa doctor ang tita mo. That's one thing she regrets the most."

I stopped playing with her hand and turned my gaze at her. "Paano naman ako, Mom? Hindi ako naiintindihan ni Mama."

"That's why you have me. That's my job, I'll fill that space until she understands." She softly smiled before pulling me up gently. "Come sit with me."

Hinayaan ko lang na ibangon ako ni mama hanggang sa naka-upo na rin ako sa tabi niya. She gave my hair one last stroke before her hand shifted to mine.

"Alam mo ba before, I am almost in your position." Binigay ko ang buong atensyon kay mama, because she rarely shared her past. Especially kapag about sa childhood or teenage years niya. "Kasi ikaw, I'm here. But me? I have no one in my family who understands me, just myself. Kung sino pa hindi ko kapamilya, siya pa ang mas nakakaintindi sa'kin."

"Uncle Gio?" I guessed and my Mom nodded. I stayed silent and let my Mom continue her story.

"Your grandpa and grandma want me to go to a doctor. Actually, they really brought me there. They thought that I was weird, that I was crazy."