Apodyopsis: Built for sin (GxG)

The end

Rivianna Avril Samonte

I opened my eyes cautiously as the ceiling greeted me. I don't want to glance around the room because I'm afraid it was all an ordeal. Malinaw pa sa utak ko na nakausap ko siya kahit na nanghihina ako. I tried not to sleep even though I knew it to myself na gawa-gawa lang 'yon ng utak ko. My strong will, however, has not been able to overcome my weariness. Without my involvement, my eyes kept closing forcibly.

Is it a dream or just another figment of my imagination?

​I was about to shut my eyes as I accepted my defeat, when mama came in with her teary eyes.

"Finally! Next time na kita sesermunan pag okay ka na pero sa ngayon masaya akong nagising ka na." Maluha-luhang sabi ni mama habang marahan hinahaplos ang ulo ko. "Napakatigas talaga ng ulo mo. Sarap mong kaltukan."

"Ma don't forget na sayo ako nagmana." I forced myself to speak even though my voice was hoarse.

"Kaya nga nagsisisi na ako, ang hirap pala magpalaki ng anak na matigas ang ulo." She lifted her arm to wipe her face as her tears continued to flow from her eyes. Kahit ganyan ang lumalabas sa bibig niya, halata pa rin sa boses niya kung gaano siya kasaya.

This time naglakas loob na ako igala ang tingin ko. My twins were standing next to me as I glanced to my left; relief could be seen in their expressions.

"Don't do that again," Rover murmured as he was ready to flick my forehead, causing me to recoil. But instead of his finger falling on my head, I felt his lips at bahagyang lumayo. "You scared us."

Raver, on the other hand, drew my attention by gripping my left hand. "You moron, we're twins. Never consider abandoning us."

I know malaki ang kasalanan ko sa kanila. The impact of my almost death on them was never a concept in my mind. I merely reflect on my own actions in escaping the beast inside my head. Masyado akong nalunod sa sarili kong feelings at paano takasan ang sakit na nararamdaman ko.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled at isa-isa silang tinignan hanggang sa huminto kay mama. "I love you, ma."

Hindi na napigilan ni mama ang umiyak lalo na nang marinig ang sinabi ko. She looks like a crying kid na inagawan ng pagkain. This is why I hate seeing my mama crying, she looks like a retard. Hindi tulad ni mom kahit umiiyak ang ganda pa rin sa paningin.

"Ma, stop crying. Hindi mo bagay." Nakatanggap ako ng mahinang hampas sa kaniya kaya napa-iling na lang ako. Hindi man lang pinagpabukas, alam na nga niyang kakagising ko lang.

"Mas hindi mo bagay yang itsura mo ngayon. Payag na akong mambabae ka basta wag ka lang hihiga sa kamang 'yan." Saad niya at tinignan ang kama.

"Ma!" Sigaw ko.

I remember everything kaya nga naisipan kong magpakamatay. I consumed all of the medicines I found in the cabinet since I can't imagine living without Vérene. Well, that's what was going through my head right before taking the medication. The only escape I could think of was to end my life. Since I believed that if I took my own life, Vérene and I would cross paths again in another lifetime. Without her, my life would be miserable, and since I don't want that to happen, I might as well disappear. Kaya hindi na ako nagdalawang isip pa at basta na lang ininom lahat.

"Okay, sorry." She apologized and smiled at me. Nagtagal ang pagkakatitig niya sa'kin na para bang may inaalala at maya-maya lang ay binigyan niya ako ng halik sa noo tsaka bumulong. "Welcome back my princess."