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"What's wrong?" I didn't look up to him, instead keeping my head low as I wiped away the tears that continued to spill. I tried so very hard not to, but I had always been a little bit more emotional than I cared to admit. I didn't reply, afraid my words would come out more like a piteous sob.
We stayed silent for a moment, I felt his eyes burning into the side of my head. His voice was soft and pitiful, resonance sat in his tone. "Please, I just need a minute. Just leave me for a minute." My voice cracked as I spoke quietly, sniffling in between my words. I placed my head into my hands, aching for the ground to swallow me so I could be ultimately alone.
"You want me to leave you here to cry?"
"Why are you even here, Spider?" I stood quickly, becoming frustrated with him. With everything. Spider treated me like I was nothing for weeks, and now because he'd evidently had a change of heart I was supposed to accept his kindness with open arms. "You don't like me, right? You don't want to be my friend! I'm nobody, remember?"
Spider stood frozen in his place, his eyes soft. He didn't speak, though he took a step toward me. I stepped back as he did so, keeping my composure as best as I could. "You think because you helped me once at the stupid slay ball you can mess around with me? Treat me nicely all of a sudden just to tell me you don't want to be my friend?" I tan my hand through my hair, infuriated by everything that had built up since the beginning of term.
"You helping me, has just made things worse! Your actions have hurt me, Spencer." I glared at him furiously, the welling of tears uncontrollable. Spider looked down at the ground, clearly wounded by my sudden outburst. It wasn't his fault, I knew that. But right now I wanted somebody to blame, I knew I would regret it soon enough.
"I'm here because you need someone. You needed someone then and you need someone now." I laughed ironically at his words. Spider was unbelievable. "I don't need your help." I argued, shaking my head. I didn't want to deal with someone wanting to be a hero right now.
"No. You don't deserve my help!" I was taken back by Spider's harsh tone, falling silent as he drew closer to me. "Did you ever think that maybe I don't like you because you gave me a reason not to? You hurt me long before I dreamed of ever hurting you! And yet here I am fucking making up for it." I furrowed my eyebrows, my mind calling blank on his words. He turned for a moment to compose himself, before turning back to face me. "I didn't want to help you at Mardi Gras, believe me, I'd made up my mind about you when I saw you the first day of term. But that girl I saw that night was the same scared, vulnerable girl who needed my help at the festival. The same girl that I-"
Spider insisted on taking me away from the festival, or stumbling away, would be more accurate. We was both highly intoxicated, a notion I wasn't used to feeling. We sat on the beach, bonding over a single bottle of beer. I had started to feel dizzy, so Spider insisted we take a seat on the sand while I composed myself. We had spoken nonsense for what felt like hours, though we hadn't been here long.
"You've never had a girlfriend? That's tragic coming from our star basketball player!" I laughed, shoulder to shoulder with Spider. He chuckled, placing a hand onto my arm and pushing me gently. I had no idea how we'd broached the subject, I had no idea how we'd come to be here in the first place. "You've never been in love?" I wiggled my brows playfully, taking a sip of beer and passing it to Spider. "Oh yeah, I've been in love, once." I scoffed at his words, disbelief washing over me.
"With who?" I hummed, laying down on my back and nuzzling into the sand. I was so dreary from all the shit in my system and the beach was so peaceful I could just sleep here for hours, listening to the sea wash over the shore. Spider laid next to me, both of us watching the stars. Spider was silent for a moment, so I turned on my side to face him. "Spider?" I nudged him gently. He turned to face me, his hand coming to my face to brush the hair from my eyes. His thumb drew circles on my cheek, his skin soft.
"You."
The air was silent, I looked at him intently as he did me. Without a second thought, I burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. "Okay." I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes at his ridiculous joke. "Seriously Spider, grow the fuck up. Boys like you don't fall in love with girls like me, and girls like me have more respect for themselves than to love boys like you." I shook my head, a poor attempt to return the energy of Spider's joke. I stood up from the sand, brushing myself off. Spider watched me, his eyes glazed over like a dagger had been pushed through his chest.
"I need to get home, do me a favour? Please don't tell anyone about this. I don't need Darren to judge me any further than they probably already are for ditching them." Spider looked away from me, taking a deep breath in while his eyes fluttered shut for a moment. He sat up, his head narrowed toward the ground.
"I, um, I won't-" his voice cracked noticeably, his words coming to a quick holt as he turned away from me. "I won't tell anyone." I nodded in satisfactory at his words, before turning around and walking toward the pavement to make my way home. Once I'd made it off the beach, I turned back one last time to take a glance at Spider.
His head was tucked into his arms as he sat with his knees to his chest. I stopped for a moment and looked around, confused as to how we'd even ended up here in the first place. I thought nothing of it, ultimately turning around and drunkenly making my way home without a second thought.
"You weren't joking." My words came out in a whisper. I was unaware of how long I'd been deep in thought for, our interaction on the beach coming to me all at once. It all began to make sense, I was piecing together everything that I had, at the time, thought was out of the ordinary. Finally, everything was becoming coherent. Everything he did or said, this was his reason.
Spider had began the term treating me with detest, an irrational amount compared to anyone he'd treated like it before. He'd never picked on me before like he did the others, I'd never even had an encounter with him were we'd actually exchange words. Yet, over the course of six weeks, he had suddenly come to the realisation he hated me. When I'd mentioned the festival and Chook when he'd walked me home the other day, he was disappointed that I hadn't elaborate further, like there was something more.
It all made sense. Spider was right, I had hurt him first. I made a joke of his feelings, and worse I'd made a joke of him. He had attempted to open his heart to me and all I could do in response was laugh, not taking him seriously. He was not the awful person that I had sworn for so long he was. I was.
I only had myself to blame for his aversive feelings toward me.
