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For a minute, I blankly stared at Ant, coming to terms with everything he'd just said. I stood frozen in place for a while, the silence between us deafening before I slowly took a step back from him. "You put that in the box?" I asked, shocked. Ant looked everywhere but into my house, silent and guilt ridden across his face.
"Why would you do that?" I asked sternly, anger and a small sense of betrayal bubbling in my chest. Ant sighed, shrugging his shoulders uncomfortably. "I was being selfish. I liked you, he knew that. I was just pissed off, it's bro code." He replied, his casual tone grating my brain as I scoffed irritable at his reply.
"Bro code? Fucking bro code?" Unbelievable. Did Ant not understand the gravity of his actions? I shook my head, almost laughing at the absurdity of his casual excuse, as if what he'd done didn't have consequences.
"You're a piece of shit, you know that, right?" Ant sheepishly faced the floor, unsure of what to say. It was like he was expecting me to okay with what he'd done. Ant had fucked everything up between me and Spider for his own satisfaction, as if none of it mattered because it wasn't happening to him. "Does Spider know you're the one who put it in the box?" Ant's head rose quickly, and he shook it eagerly.
"No, and I'd appreciate if you didn't tell him, ay'? He is my best mate, after all." I was so shocked by the audacity of this boy, I could swear my eye was twitching as he spoke. "I'm sorry." He smiled awkwardly, before turning his back and walking away, leaving me in my outraged state.
My mind wandered to Spencer, and I thought about how quickly everything had started to make sense between us. I thought about what felt like a life time of pretending like we hated each other, and the few moments we had appreciating eachother, only for it to crumble down as quick as it started. The way ant had said it...
'Was that before or after you called her a, what was it? Unfuckable freak?'
Cut me deeply, it felt so personal. I had always been insecure but in the short and sweet time I'd spend with Spencer, I didn't feel like I had to be insecure. He made me feel safe, concealed within a moment that was made for just us. I missed his touch, I missed the vulnerable and kind person I'd gotten to know. Spencer said it to convince himself he didn't feel anything for me, and he put up a good fight for a while.
Spencer trusted Dusty, and the severe strain on their friendship after what had happened in SLTs was obvious no matter how hard they pretended everything was okay. Spencer felt betrayed as did Dusty, but it was Ant this whole time. The worst part? Spencer even admitted that he didn't trust Ant, and that's why he didn't tell him.
'Did you write that? Did you fucking write that? I trusted you because I can't trust him!'
I took a deep breath as I thought back to that day, wishing I knew what I know now. I looked around the party, everyone flowing in and out of the house in elaborate costumes, music blaring and people drunkenly dancing around the living room with all sorts of bottles swinging around.
"Amerie, have you seen Spider?" I stopped her as she held Dusty's hand as they made their way to her bedroom, giggling like children. Amerie turned to face me, her smile fading slightly. "No, Daisie. Get over that guy, he's such a loser." She narrowed into my ear before continuing her route to the bedroom with Dusty close behind her. I groaned, rolling my eyes at her unhelpful words as I continued to look around the house. I opened a door swiftly, to be met with Darren in a... compromising position with a stranger.
I widened my eyes and closed the door quickly, shaking it off and continuing my search for Spencer. I had to see him, speak to him. I didn't know what I was going to say to him, would I apologise? Would I tell him that is was Ant all along, and that I had made a mistake letting him go as quickly as I claimed him?
I stopped, watching him pull out his fake teeth and laugh about it with Missy a short distance in front of me, complaining that they were aching his teeth. I smiled faintly as I watched him, taking in everything like I did the first time he kissed me. I watched him for a few moments, building up the courage to approach him as he chatted with his friends. Quickly, my smile faded. Ant placed a hand on Spider's shoulder, gaining his attention.
I hesitated, my smile turning to a frown almost instantly. Maybe it was better this way. Maybe I should leave it as it is and we can move on from it all, like it never happened. Spencer needed his friends, but he could get over me. Maybe, relighting the flame that had already burned us once was a mistake. It would almost certainly burn us twice.
My feet carried me through the hoard of people, keen to reach Spencer. I pushed my way through eagerly, close to tripping several times due to the ridiculous heels Darren insisted I wore to compliment the little black dress. Spencer turned his head from Ant as I approached, going silent as I stopped in front of him.
"I need to-"
"Ay'! That kid, from the police video, he's on the roof! He's gonna jump!" A voice boomed through the house, people around us gasped and rushed toward the backyard. I looked around, the living room clearing out quickly as people ran to catch a glimpse of Malachi on the roof. I closed my eyes for a moment, irritated but not surprised by the timing. I stared up at Spencer, his eyes boring into mine like they had that day at the beach, full of longing.
"I need to go see if Malachi is okay." My sentence was slow and soft, Spencer's eyebrows furrowing as I stepped away. "Daisie." Spencer's fingers latched around my arm, pulling me back gently. "What is it?" He asked and, honestly, I didn't even have a solid answer. I had no plan of what I was going to say when I approached him, I just wanted to be near him. I felt so guilty, I felt like I'd been cold towards him for something he hadn't done.
My eyes roamed the room for a moment, fixing on Ant as he made his way to the backyard. I wanted to tell Spencer what I knew, I wanted to say I was sorry a million times for all the drama Ant had caused and how I'd treated him because of it. "Honestly, I'm not sure." I turned to face Spencer once again, who briefly followed my eyes to look at Ant before facing me with a small look of concern.
"I think you are." He replied, the way his fingers brushed over my arm made me melt. Everything about Spencer made me quiver under his touch. The way his hair fell in front of his eyes, the way the blue in his Irish gleamed beautifully under the right light and the way his cologne lingered on his neck. I noticed every scar, blemish and mole on his skin. Every flaw made him more beautiful.
"You look perfect." He muttered, smiling widely to himself for a moment as he inspected me, taking a deep breath as we watched eachother. I swallowed the lump in my throat, sighing deeply. "Do you still feel that way you did before, Spencer?" I question, a small plead in my voice for my desired answer.
He was clearly surprised by my question, parting his lips. Before he could answer, I continued. "Do you feel that way? Even now?" I was so absorbed by the moment, that I felt the tears brink in the corner of my eyes. I hadn't cried over him, not once since he'd parted ways. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of my tears, but I couldn't help it. He made me feel a million different things. Spencer smiled with content, shaking his head amused, like my question was silly.
"Because I do, Spencer. I don't care what anyone thinks." I said confidently, breathing back the tears as I blinked them away. My skin was longing for his, on fire with that yearn for touch. Spencer placed his hand between my jaw and neck, his thumb edging my chin upward as he leaned into me.
I felt his breath on my face, he was so close. We hadn't been this close in so long, it was everything I craved since the last time I felt him near. His lips pressed to mine, his body moulding into me flawlessly, one hand caressing my cheek gently as the other gripped my waist to pull me closer toward him.
Everything came flooding back at once, and I wasn't going to hide it this time.
