Hurts so good

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT|| AMARIS

"I'm stuffed. I think I ate too much." I'm laying on the ground looking up at the ceiling and I'm not sure why I thought it would be a good idea to come down here. I don't think I could move even if I tried.

Milo steps over me and drops to his knees, caging me in. He planks over me and kisses my forehead before slowly bringing his body down on top of mine, laying his head on my chest.

"Milo, you're heavy," I tell him softly, running my hand through his hair.

"But I'm sleepy," he whines.

"You just woke up," I tell him, making sure to keep playing with his hair.

"Yeah, but Sam's bed was uncomfortable. Plus, I had to wake up every hour to make sure his hands didn't linger."

I laugh at his admission. Childish. All of them.

"Milo, get off of her. We have to discuss tonight's meeting," Aiden says sternly and I look up to see him towering over us. Milo groans but doesn't move. He must really be tired. Poor baby. Unfortunately, Aiden doesn't pity him as much as I do.

Aiden bends down and pulls me out from under Milo before carrying me to the office. I look over Aiden's shoulder to see Cassius helping Milo off of the ground.

"You didn't have to take me away from him you know. He would've gotten up eventually," I say, pinching Aiden's ear.

"If he has you he has no reason to move. I've taken away his candy so he'll come get it."

Aiden sits me in a chair and bends down to adjust the height. I'm not sure why he's making it higher and I'm about to ask him when he speaks again. "Any minute now he's going to walk through that door. He's going to take that seat next to you and he's going to place his head in your lap. Let him but don't run your fingers through his hair. We need him awake for this."

When Aiden finishes speaking, he walks to his chair at the head of the table and retrieves the documents. Just as he said, Milo comes in, takes the chair next to me, and puts his head on my lap. Jerome and Sam come in next, taking the empty chairs on the other side of the table. Cassius is the last to come in. He hands me water and a bowl of M&M's before sitting next to me. When we're all seated, Aiden hands out the documents and starts going over the topics we'll be discussing.

Some of the higher-ups have questions about my father. More specifically, they have questions about his connection to me and my true identity. I was a tad bit out of it after I killed Laila so I'm still a little loopy on the details but I remember feeling intense anger, I remember crying and I remember confessing. Most notably, I remember walking away from my father. After everything he did, I still couldn't watch him die. I promised I was going to kill him. I wanted to. For my mom but I just... couldn't.

I thought Aunt Joyce killed him but she didn't. Apparently, she wants to give me a choice and until I'm stable enough to make that decision, she's keeping him caged up. Unfortunately for us, his captivity and our inability to carry out the mission have caused a bit of a scandal.

"...cess. Princess! Are you listening to me?" Aiden asks, setting down the file in his hand and tilting his head.

"Oh Ummmm." I look around the table and everyone's staring at me. Oh shit. I have a feeling I just missed something really important. "Yes, I heard but can you repeat it for Milo?"

Milo laughs and bites my thigh but doesn't object. Aiden shakes his head before continuing.

"As I was saying, we think it's best to have the meeting here. The only way to satiate their curiosity is to tell them the truth about who you are. Your aunt has agreed to have us meet with a proxy she trusts from every branch. We will limit the number to five so that you can still maintain a level of secrecy."

"Is it such a big deal that we keep this a secret? I get why we had to keep my identity a secret when I was a child but that was before we found out my dad was working with the yakuza. He likely kept the part about me being his daughter a secret from his boss but now that we have him locked up, they'll probably find out sooner or later who I am."

Cas leans back in his chair and turns to me. "It's not that easy bug. Your father killed the former leader of our organization and turned a traitor. If the wrong people were to find out that you're not only the daughter he spared but that you also didn't kill him when you had the chance, they'll come for your head. People inside our own organization would be coming after you."

"He's right love." Milo lifts his head to speak. "We have enough enemies as is. With rival organizations trying to kill you as the 'Grim Reaper', we can't have people trying to kill you as 'Amaris Ambrose'.

I don't know. I'm thinking it would be kind of fun. I haven't had any worthy opponents in a while. If I acquire new enemies, I'm bound to meet someone interesting. But then again I can't have the people coming after me trying to get to me through my boys.

"Fine. I trust your decision," I say to Aiden before grabbing Milo's head and putting it back to rest in my lap.

"Good. Sam, I need you to do a background check on the five people coming here tonight," Aiden says, throwing Sam an extra file with a list of names, family trees, and pictures. From the thickness of the file, it seems like we already know everything there is to know but Sam is good at finding the bottom of the iceberg.

This meeting seems to be coming to an end and I couldn't be happier. There's absolutely no reason why these meetings have to be over an hour long or why they have to be held in this office and not my bedroom or somewhere equally as comfortable. Aiden declared a long time ago that this was a non-negotiable and no one has had the nerve to challenge him.

"Can Milo and I go take a nap now?"

"No. We still have one more thing to discuss." Cas says from beside me and stands. He opens up more files. You've go to be kidding.

"Nooooo no more files. Pleaseeee," I cry but my cry is overlooked. He doesn't care about my cry. He only cares about his stupid files.

He hands everyone a file and with one hundred percent focus and seriousness says "We're going on vacation."

"Huh? What do you mean?" Confused, I open the stupid file and I'm met with pictures of beautiful rainforests and an itinerary. "We're going to Costa rica? Why?"

Cas holds up a finger. "Questions will be acknowledged at the end, bug. Please refrain from asking any until I've given my pitch."

"Oh. Okayyy?" Cassius raises an eyebrow and I clear my throat. Right, no questions. "Okay," I say more definitively.

"You've been through a lot. We put you through a lot. I want you to let us ease your pain. Even if it's just a little. I think a part of the reason your mental health is so fragile is that you've never had time to just heal and have fun. I know you don't like to go on vacations and that you love working but I think it would be good for you. Especially since you're just now learning to deal with your emotions."

Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.

"Sometimes, with your skill level and your independence, it's easy for others to forget that you're still just a kid. Everyone looks up to you here and I think that makes you feel the pressure to be perfect all the time. In Costa rica, you won't be the 'Grim Reaper'. You won't be the skilled assassin who everyone wants to train with or the gifted killer who knows how to kill a person one hundred and thirteen different ways without spilling blood. You'll just be Amaris."

It takes a lot out of me to not cry these days. He's not helping. Looking into his eyes is a bit much right now so I look away. Big mistake. They are all looking at me the same way. Like I'm a broken toy they are trying desperately to fix. Although I can't say I blame them. I look down at Milo instead who has his eyes closed. Even so, I can feel him squeezing my leg. What is he? An emotional support dog?

I need to leave. I need fresh air. But you can't leave Amaris. We're not running away anymore, remember?

"Just say yes, Bug," Cas says and I look back at him. His face is still focused and serious. I don't feel like I really have a choice.

I close my eyes and breathe. You love rain. You love rainforests. You love them. Just say yes.

"Yes."